If you’re like most horse owners, you could use some extra income. Horses can and will adapt themselves to exceed any budget.  If taking a second (or third) job isn’t feasible, then it’s time to think outside the box. Horse people have plenty of raw materials at their disposal, and all it takes is a little ingenuity to turn them into extra cash. Here are some ideas to get you started.

1. eBay
eBay is the perfect sales venue for not-quite-new items, and every barn is full of things that qualify.

The bottoms of tack trunks are treasure troves. I guarantee you, there is stuff buried in peoples’ trunks that they haven’t seen in months. They’ll never miss any of it. They might even have forgotten they own it. In which case you may be able to sell it back to them—especially if it’s monogrammed.

Imagine the odds of somebody finding standing wraps in their barn colors with their initials already embroidered on them! And for a mere 2/3 what they forgot they paid for them the first time—plus shipping costs, of course. I mean, you can’t blow your cover by hand-delivering something back to them. You’ll have to mail it from out of town to keep up the ruse.

Some of the more ‘mature’ riders might even have relics from the past stashed in their trunks, like bootjacks. A bootjack makes a great doorstop, and can also be marketed as an opener for a really, really big bottle of beer. (Boot pulls aren’t as collectible; they haven’t much after-market use, unless you’re planning to be Captain Hook for Halloween.)

You’re guaranteed to find at least one set of blanket leg straps in there, too. Horse owners will always buy more leg straps, because they always seem to disappear. Go figure.

2. Etsy
Etsy is a great place to sell handmade items. Finding materials for your mad crafting skills couldn’t be easier.

For example: Every horse in your barn has a tail. Do a little covert snipping, and make horsehair bracelets. It’ll grow back, and the hunters all wear fake tails anyway.

We know you can find duct tape. Duct tape accessories are all the rage, and having a clutch purse that can double as a hoof boot just makes good sense. Color it red with Betadine or green with a little Kopertox and it’s got Christmas present written all over it.

Vintage items are also big sellers on Etsy. Like those bridles that have been hanging in your trainer’s tack room since 1975. If you dig through the bit box, you can probably find something from the Civil War era. Collectors love that stuff.

Here’s an important tip: Don’t clean anything before you sell it. Anybody who has watched “Antiques Roadshow” knows that the minute you take even one layer of patina off something, its value tanks. It would be tragic to ruin the appeal of that antique wooden grooming tote because you wiped it down with lemon Pledge. Vintage items shouldn’t look like the pictures in the most recent Dover catalog. The only way to convince a potential buyer that a stirrup iron is from the 1950s is if it looks like it’s from the 1950s.

3. CrowdFunding
Who says CrowdFunding is only for indie bands and aspiring filmmakers?  Subsidizing your trip to the National Finals is equally worthy. As for perks to offer contributors, what could be more appreciated than an autographed 8×10 of your horse doing some cute thing? You have, like, a zillion of them.

Or, send each donor a real horseshoe for luck. If you pick through the trashcans at a few big show barns you’ll find plenty of lightweight titanium shoes, which will save you on shipping. You might want to pull the nails out first. Or not, if you feel the cost of labor will cut into your profits.

4. Yard Sales

People will buy almost anything. Drag some stuff out into your driveway, post a few flyers around the neighborhood, and weekend bargain-seekers will descend on you like locusts.

You can find stuff to sell almost anywhere. That sofa in the tack room? It’s a direct threat to everybody’s productivity. Bring that bad boy home in your pickup, slap a price tag on it, and problem solved.

And those wobbly folding chairs stored in the feed room? People love fixer-uppers. Put a bargain price with the words “AS IS” on them. Somebody who bought too many tubes of glue at somebody else’s yard sale will snap them up. Maybe even your trainer, who may have noticed the unexplained shortage of seats at last weekend’s barn barbeque.

Winnow your wardrobe. Really, when is the last time you wore cocktail dresses or high-heeled shoes? You’re either at work, at the barn, or at home in your pajamas by 9 p.m. You can live without those sorts of things.

As a reward for your sacrifice, you’ll have more room in your closet to hide tack store purchases from your spouse.

Horse shows also provide great opportunities to stock your sale. Has there ever been a time you didn’t lose something at a horse show? People expect things to go missing, and show-quality accessories always sell.

Use common sense, though; abscond with a crop or a set of spurs, not somebody’s custom shadbelly or Bruno Delgrange saddle. Taking just one glove is a clever tactic, too. The remaining one will get discarded. You can fish it from the garbage under cover of darkness and nobody will be the wiser.

Don’t forget to take a walk around the showgrounds right after the show ends. Just look at those leftover first-place prizes sitting on the table by the in-gate. Some poor, exhausted schmoe will just have to lug those picture frames and bottles of glittery pony hoof polish back to storage. They will love you for saving them the trip.

5. Adopt your Horse.
I mean really adopt your horse—file the paperwork and have yourself declared his legal guardian. Then apply for a Social Security number and list him as a dependent on your tax return.

The definition of who is considered ‘family’ is ever-evolving, and the only legal description for a ‘child’ for tax purposes is ’18 years of age or under.’ You can push the age limit if the child is in school (ahem, school horse) or has special needs (and what horse doesn’t?).

Nowhere is it stated that the child must be biological. Or human. You can keep this argument tying up in the justice system for so long that by the time the Supreme Court declares equines ineligible as ‘children’, you’ll have moved on to petitioning to get your horse accepted by AARP.

As a last resort, you can empty your retirement fund, cash in all your savings bonds and feed your horse a couple scoops of $1 bills every day. We ran the numbers on this one; it actually works out to be cheaper than buying hay. Horses already figuratively eat up your bank account—they might as well do it literally, too.

Of course, no matter how much extra income you generate, your four-legged child is likely to find a way to spend it for you. The only real solution to the costliness of horses is to not own horses at all.

That’s just silly. It’s also impossible. We don’t own horses in the first place. I’m pretty sure they own us.

After years of trying to fit in with corporate America, Jody Lynne Werner decided to pursue her true passion as a career rather than a hobby. So now, she’s an artist, graphic designer, illustrator, cartoonist, web designer, writer and humorist. You can find her work on her Misfit Designs Cafepress site. Jody is one of the winners of the Chronicle’s first writing competition. Her work also appears in the annual Amateur Issue print editions of The Chronicle of the Horse. 

Read all of Jody’s humor columns for www.coth.com here.