We all know that eager sense of anticipation when you get a new horse. Whether it’s a green off-the-track Thoroughbred, a fancy young prospect you’ve imported, or a schoolmaster to teach you the ropes, every new horse is like a new friend. You can’t wait to get to know each other and to establish a bond.

Sometimes, things go just as you’d envisioned. You learn just how to push all of the buttons on your newly acquired mount, and the two of you master new skills and tackle challenges in harmony.

But sometimes things don’t go anything like you’d planned. You can’t seem to communicate with this horse, and training and learning grind to a halt. Your sense of anticipation changes to one of frustration, and you start doubting yourself and your ability. Instead of eagerly awaiting each ride, you begin to dread it. You can always learn from difficult horses, but if there isn’t any progress to the process, there’s a problem.

There’s nothing to be ashamed of if you just don’t get along with a horse. It can happen to anyone, even the best of professional riders.

The famed event rider Ginny Leng once had a horse whose sheer ability and verve intimidated her on cross-country. She took a long, hard look at the situation and acknowledged that—while she was a gifted rider and the horse was spectacularly talented—it wasn’t a good fit. She then asked fellow rider Ian Stark if he’d be interested in the horse, and the legendary event horse Murphy Himself found a rider who spoke the same language.

In the story “Shakira Do Jacare And Campos Have A Last Dance At Atlanta Summer II,” (p. 12), junior rider Sarah Owen admitted that things didn’t go as planned when she bought a made grand prix horse. But instead of selling “Shakira” or persisting in a difficult situation without success, Owen turned for help. And she’s gotten results. She said herself that it was “crushing” but also a good learning experience.

Recognizing that you’re having problems with a horse doesn’t make you any less of a rider or trainer. Just as there are people whose personalities clash, there are horses and riders who just don’t get along. There’s absolutely no shame in admitting that you might be in this same situation and need to seek help from a different trainer, try new methods, or find a more appropriate home for the horse and a more appropriate mount for yourself. It’s certainly not “giving up.”

The key is to know when to say when and move on. Ideally, you do so in a way that improves the situation for you and the horse.

Just as every human relationship enriches your life regardless of its length and outcome, every time you get to know a new horse it adds tools to your riding and experience—even the ones that don’t work out just the way you thought they would.

Molly Sorge, Contributing Writer