A collection of any of the number of things that get said while riding at my farm on any given day:
Dude. Dude. Dude. DUDE.
Listen: I’m sorry. I really am. But this is the hand you were dealt. This is how it’s going to be. The sooner you accept this, the sooner I put you back in your field and give you a cookie.
By all means, keep whining. But the only person making your life hard right now is you.
My right leg is not. coming. off. Get used to it.
GOOD BOY DANNY OMG you’re a GENIUS you’re a ROCKSTAR you’re going to the OLYMPICS oh whoops there it went.
You’ve lived here since 2007. Does the corner have to be scary every day?
JOHNNY JESUS CHRIST.
Wow, that was ugly.
Wow, that was amazing.
Fiero, you are perfect.
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It’s OK. It’s OK. It’s OK. It’s going to be OK.
Don’t you want an amateur lady who gives you cookies? Then get a grip!
You at 10 years old are so worth all of the terrible rides from when you were 5 years old.
Dude, really?
Sunshine, this ride could have been over half an hour ago.
Midgey, you are perfect.
I swear to you: my way is easier.
Yes! YES! YESSSSSS! No! No!
Suck it up, Buttercup.
If you didn’t want to put your head down and lift your back, you should have been a faster racehorse.
STOP TORTURING YOUR AMATEUR LADY.
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Fender, you are perfect.
See how much better life is when you just accept that I know everything and am always right?
Whoa! That was so much better than I expected. Here, have a cookie.
How did you do that?! I didn’t think your legs could point that way.
Well, that was a dramatic overreaction.
Finally! You’ve got it, that thing that I’ve been trying to get you to understand for months! Let me bask in my glory. OK, done. Now let’s raise the bar.
I am a genius. I am a god. I am the best horse trainer ever. Wow, that sucked.
Ella, you are perfect.
It’s OK, we’ll try again tomorrow!
