I currently find myself with the arduous task of putting together my first syndicate. I’m aware that the position of having found a few really nice, exciting, and surprisingly affordable young horses (bred in the United States no less!) is an enviable one, but the process of asking people for money is decidedly UNenviable…

In fact, I would be so bold to say that it is downright torture. I know it’s possible, just being at the U.S. Eventing Association convention last month and listening to the mouthfuls of names attached to single horses tells me it is a common enough occurrence, but somehow, to me, it has always seemed like something that other, more talented people could make happen.

You know those other people, the people that are larger than life with long lists of accolades and awards beneath their names. You know, the ones that have throngs of supporters who must be clambering at their doors to invest money and own horses for them. Unfortunately, if those mythical people even actually exist, I am certainly not one of them, and it’s meaning that my current task is pushing me beyond the boundaries of my comfort zone.

Anyone that knows me at all will tell you that I’m a pretty quiet guy. I don’t get excited very easily, which makes it so that my feathers are fairly hard to ruffle. I’ve got a keel even enough to keep a ship upright in practically any squall, which works great with the horses, but not so much for selling yourself or an idea to other people.

I would rather put my head down and work and avoid calling attention to myself or having to ask anyone to go out of their way for me. If I had to sell the idea of a syndicate to a reluctant horse, I have no doubt that I’d be able to get them on board pretty quickly, which, I suppose means I speak horse better than I speak human.

Knowing that I need keep an eye to the future by developing young horses in order to continue pursuing my dream of being one of the best in this sport, I’ve been forcing myself to carve away a few hours of each day to make phone calls and talk to those of my supporters and friends (and those who I think won’t bite my head off if I call) who I think might be interested in owning a horse for me to develop. I’ve had wonderful conversations, and plenty of interest to be optimistic about. But I can’t help but feel completely overwhelmed and deflated by the end of each day.

This process is just as hard as I thought it would be, but there’s an added challenge that I wasn’t anticipating, and that’s learning how to persevere in the face of rejection. I knew when I set out that there would be people on my list who would want to help but wouldn’t necessarily have the means to do so, and I didn’t realize how I would feel after hanging up the phone with them.

Honestly, I have put a lot of thought lately in to how on earth car salesman get out of bed each morning and head to work, knowing that most of their day will be spent trying to sell a car to someone who isn’t going to, or can’t afford to buy from them. Somehow, after what must be a majority of their time spent reeling from failed deals and rejection, they are still able to look at each new person that walks on to their lot with hope and optimism.

I’ve come to the conclusion that it’s a good thing that I’m a rider and not a car salesman, and I have to admit that giving up on selling this syndicate is quite tempting right now. It would be the far easier thing to do to just admit that this is too hard for me, and back down. But then where would I be? What will my future look like after my varsity squad of current horses is ready to retire if I give up now? How would I be able to justify all of the sacrifices up to this point if I put my hand up now?

A few years ago I made a decision that changed my life. I decided that I would no longer take the easy, comfortable road, which I was firmly committed to at that point with a nice lesson business and some mid-level horses to compete. But I had a dream to do more, to be more, and to see how far my talent and determination could take me, and I was lucky enough to have a pair of supporters who believed in me and pushed me to reach for more, and who also made it possible for me to do so by funding the purchase of a few promising horses.

Fast forward a couple of years, and those young horses that we bought are now three-star horses, and I’ve completely uprooted my wife and myself by moving across the country to pursue that dream. Yes, I think I’m firmly committed now to foregoing the easy option and meeting whatever challenges come my way head on. But that is so much easier to write, or to think, or to say, than to actually do, day in and day out.

Now don’t get me wrong, I’m not complaining, I know that I live a privileged life and am lucky to spend my days working with horses rather than with a headset on at a drive-thru window. But there are many moments when I find myself wishing I could just have an easy week working for someone else in a mundane job. That it wasn’t up to me to keep the wheels on this bus.

So, though I contemplate how nice it would feel to just give up and be comfortable, even for a day, I will only allow myself a moment of that fleeting consideration before I take myself by the scruff of the neck and remind myself why I’m here, across the country from where home is, living in five different places in the past nine months, mucking stalls, stacking hay, making dreaded phone calls.

I’m doing this because I want to give myself a shot. I’m sticking to it so that I can prove to my 19-year-old self, who chose the safer road because he never thought he would have enough opportunities to make it in this sport, that it IS possible. I’m overcoming so that I can hopefully be an example to even just one other person who thinks they will never be wealthy or charismatic enough to be a rider at the top of the sport.

I’m forging ahead so that I can show my owners, who were the first outside of my family to believe in me, that their investment in me has been worth it. I’m picking up the phone again today, and tomorrow, and as many days as it takes so that I can continue to have a chance at this dream, which started out as only mine, but has now become the dream of my wife, my parents, my owners, and my friends, and has grown far bigger than anything I could have imagined.

So, if your phone rings, won’t you please pick up and help give a guy a chance? 

Matt Brown has been a lifelong student of the sport of three-day eventing, studying under some of the most respected names in upper level discipline, including Derek diGrazia, Volker Brommann and Denny Emerson. He also credits horseman and rancher George Kahrl for helping him learn how to create a trusting relationship between horse and rider, even at the top levels of competition. As a Young Rider, Matt competed through the advanced level with his Appaloosa Maximum Speed, who was his mount for the North American Young Rider Championships in 1993.

More recently, Matt has been named to the USEF High Performance Training Lists since 2013. In April of 2015, Matt and his wife Cecily moved from California to Cochranville, Pa., to continue chasing his dream of representing Team USA. In October, Matt and Super Socks BCF placed sixth in their first European competition at the Boekelo CCIO3* in the Netherlands. After being nationally listed for the third year in a row, Matt’s sights are set on Rio 2016 Olympic Games.

You can read all of Matt’s insightful blogs for the Chronicle here.