There are certain breed, gender, even color stereotypes in the equestrian world regarding our equine counterparts. Thoroughbreds have never-ending energy, ponies do what they want, and chestnuts are unpredictable. They’re not all fitting, to be sure. But the one I’ve often found to be too true has been the one surrounding mares: “Tell a gelding, ask a mare.”

While I personally have never gotten along too well with mares’ fighting spirits, I’ve always respected those who are able to develop a strong bond and be successful with those feisty females.

Yet since nearly the moment I saw Balrine de l’Ocean (Balrine is the horse I’ve been riding and competing) I knew I was going to end up taking her home. Retrospectively, given the fact that she was chubby, hairy and wouldn’t comprehend the word “whoa,” I have no idea why. Of course, now that she is officially mine, I’ve had to come to terms with the fact that I have just bought a mare and all the attitude that comes with her. And Bal is very much a mare—she is completely and utterly convinced that she is perfect. Everything is my fault, and it’s her job to tell me about it.

With a gelding, when trying to teach them something new, calm and consistent repetition is key. Occasionally, I get a tail swish or a quick pin of the ears to let me know that something is getting lost in translation. But I correct or clarify, and we go on with our ride. With a mare, it’s very similar to telling an upset woman to “Calm down.” You will undoubtedly be answered with “I AM CALM” in a screeching scream, and make the whole situation counter-productive. Mares have to be corrected in ways so subtle that they aren’t even aware of it, and then praised endlessly…much like human women.

If you make the colossal mistake of upsetting a mare, the best thing to do is apologize substantially, then reassure them of their ne plus ultra (…guys, you should probably take notes. This is completely true of the women in your lives as well).

The biggest thing I’ve had to realize is that it doesn’t matter how persuasive my argument of my superiority to Bal is, she has the self confidence of Beyoncé and Madonna combined, and the only thing I will succeed in doing is making her sour towards me. And no amount of sugar cubes will be enough to sweeten her after that point. (Men please note, chocolate is the woman’s equivalent of sugar cubes.)

One kinda big—OK, super important—thing to keep in mind, however, is that the most basic rule of training still applies (even when it’s a mare): they must do what you ask, when you ask it. Everything said and done is pointless if all you can do is trot a circle. While you may never completely convince them that you’re the boss, a case can be made for the role of co-pilot with good suggestions.

Of course, then there’s the other wisdom surrounding mares, “A mare against you is a devil for a day, a mare for you is any angel for life.” What is so enticing and inspiring are the moments I’ve had with her that leave me convinced that there is nothing we can’t do together. While fleeting and seemingly mythical, those magical moments will eventually add up to a partnership. At least that’s what other mare owners tell me, so maybe we’re all just drinking the Kool-Aid. 

Marina Royston has left Virginia for adventures in France as a working student for French eventers Lindsay and Xaiver Traisnel. You can read all her blogs here.