[KateMcCall]

Some of you remember that I broke my back a few months ago (see http://www.chronofhorse.com/forum/showthread.php?364796-Broke-my-back-yesterday thread)

Well I had finally gotten the O.K. to ride again about a month ago. I started back in lessons and all I can think about is how excited I am to show next year and get back into eventing.
I have been getting lessons on my mom's mare because I just don't feel I have the strength to ride the WB that broke my back.
She has been doing well and has been super calm.

Yesterday morning I was going to have a lesson on her. I had just got on and hadn't even put my feet in the stirrups and she decided to back up so fast (much like when a horse pulls while being tied) that she fell back on her hocks, and flopped down on my leg.
I now have torn muscles and ligaments in my left leg, and my right arm (I did that stupid thing where my brain tells me to catch my fall with my hand)

I am only going on 20 years old and I can't help but get that feeling like I have a doom cloud over my head and will never be an UL rider.
I feel like the only thing I have ever been good at is riding, except now I am not even able to do that.
I was forced to sell my amazing horse due to financial reasons and now I am stuck riding my mom's green horses and can't afford to buy something for myself.

I'm just hoping that it will be worth it to keep fighting... I don't think I can handle another injury.

[Erin Pittman]

Sorry to hear it! I hope you feel better soon (you're young, you should!). DOn't lose hope - my 70-year old dad has been riding his bicycle on 30-mile rides recently just a couple of months after a BAD fall, severely broken clavicle and 8 broken ribs. If he can do it again, you can!

[bornfreenowexpensive]

I feel like the only thing I have ever been good at is riding, except now I am not even able to do that.
.

I think this is something you need to address. I don't even know you but I can tell you this for sure....you are more than just a rider. Right now, this is how you define yourself. I had friends at your age that ALWAYS had to be in love...they defined themselves by their relationships and if those relationships fell apart....so did they. A few out grew this when they became more confident in themselves...and had experienced more of life.

Riding and horses are a big part of your life...but there is more to life and to you than that...a lot more. Do not give up on your dreams, but take some time to explore things outside of the horse world too.

Right now, you have just hit a bit of speed bump...or actually...maybe been the speed bump. That was my nickname at your age when I had been trampled by a green horse It will get better.

[TheHotSensitiveType]

I am only going on 20 years old and I can't help but get that feeling like I have a doom cloud over my head and will never be an UL rider.
I feel like the only thing I have ever been good at is riding, except now I am not even able to do that.
I was forced to sell my amazing horse due to financial reasons and now I am stuck riding my mom's green horses and can't afford to buy something for myself....

I am really sorry... you have had a streak of really bad luck!!! Injuries do happen, as you know, and from what you have written at least the second injury was a total accident and perhaps the first one was too. I hope you heal fast and are back in the saddle before you know it!

Having had this bad streak, I am sure that you are a bit depressed and doubting yourself, but let yourself heal both physically and mentally. Try talking to someone about it, maybe that will help.

Although your mom's horse is green try to remember two things: it is really awesome that your mom lets you borrow her horse and your mom's horse will not be green forever. If you get to ride her horse consistently, maybe you two can develop an awesome partnership!

A closing thought, with two serious injuries on one horse, being a bit older than you, I would not ride the WB again. It seems something between you two does not click. Best of luck to you and heal fast!

[riderboy]

Injuries really, really suck. I've had my share. I fully expect to get injured again, and so I'll have to deal with that. But I don't really think about it or worry about the future too much, that will make me crazy. Live in the moment, get better day by day, and just go where your heart leads you.

[Bogie]

It is terribly bad luck to have a second injury after just recovering from the first. I know it can be very disheartening.

Just remember that riding is inherently dangerous and that accidents do happen -- sometimes very close together in time .

I am sure that riding is not the only thing you have ever been good at, even if you feel that way now.

Maybe during your downtime you can explore some other activities that you enjoy, take some classes and start building your skills in other areas. Sadly, being a pro is a pathway that can be fraught with injuries. Almost every top rider has times when they are laid up and it's a good idea to have a fallback.

[supershorty628]

OP, I don't event, but I do the upper level jumpers and am in a very similar situation.. nothing as serious as a back break, but I was out of riding for several months, got a few good months in, and now am back out for an undetermined length of time. I totally sympathize with you and if you ever need to rant/cry/talk about how life sucks sometimes, feel free to send me a PM.

BTW, I think I am only a year or two older than you are.

[goodmorning]

I'm sorry about this. But I echo the above sentiments, find something else you enjoy, and do it I love to read, and cook - an amazing leg of lamb, serving it to friends & family, or curling up wasting away several hours in a good book - just wonderful, IMO. I had a period I wasn't allowed to do anything 'dangerous' - - due to a stupid skiing injury & subsequent concussion. When you can't be active, and you think you need activity to get by, occupy your mind

And take a few lessons on dead-head schoolies, not your mom's greenie.

[B Street Tango]

I'm so sorry for your string of tough knocks. You've received some excellent advice already. I'll just add that life has a way of piling crappy and/or overwhelming things on you on at times. Sometimes it just doesn't seem fair, but you'll come out the other side and everything will seem like aces for a while. If we didn't have the lows we couldn't enjoy the highs. And I think horses have a tendency to add to that roller coaster.

Jingling for a speedy recovery for you.

[JP60]

Kate,

I'm 52 years old. Each day I wake up and think, "I've got my whole life ahead of me". You are 20 years old and you too have your whole life ahead of you. Life does not allow us to be defined by one thing, the harder we try, the more it pushes back and requires us to have more then one side.

I understand set backs (most likely everyone here has) and it took me sometime to see that setbacks are the opportunity to add dimension to our lives. I Rode(ride) bicycles and one day had an accident that required me to stop riding for many months. I went stir crazy, because I loved riding, and I loved sailing which was my passion.

I wandered around life in a funk, going to work, coming home and basically feeling sorry for myself. To just keep busy I started to help out at a local farm, grooming horses. Didn't even think about riding, but then I met this amazing horse, maltreated by the owner and though I tell people I rescued her, she rescued me. She changed my life, because I was open to the looking beyond the one image I thought defined "Who I Was". When my body was healed I started lessons and here I am 6 years later, riding BN. I still sail, I still ride bikes; I just added more to me.

Let go of the concerns of "Will I be an UL rider", and just find passion and joy in the moment. Can't ride? Spend time just grooming and hanging out with horses, play with horses on the ground, as other mentioned try other things. Think positive and positive things WILL happen.

I'd join the chorus of those who say don't ride that WB again. At least not till you've gone back to ground work basics. If your passion is horses then you will find a way to nurture that passion. Now is the time to explore.

All my best, jingles to you and hope you find balance again.

[crosscreeksh]

JMO...regardless of the supply of green horses available...stay off the greenies until you are fully confident and back to your former riding status. The worst thing you can do is reinjure yourself (That's bad enough), but you need to rebuild your confidence level and that is probably hard to do on greenies. Borrow a "good old boy" and take a few low key or trail rides until you get back in the groove. Riding the greenies will just keep your "healing" process at a slower rate. Best of luck.

[RAyers]

I am only going on 20 years old and I can't help but get that feeling like I have a doom cloud over my head and will never be an UL rider.

I was 35 when I did my first OI and 42 A. I think you have plenty of time. And yes, I have destroyed portions of my body riding through pain resulting from torn muscles, broken bones etc.

All you can do is to keep going at it and keep thinking about how thousands of paths can lead to the same place. It may be that the single one you are on now doesn't.

[retreadeventer]

Good! Free time to learn a new skill, develop an online business, get certified at something...travel (when it's easier on you physically)...go for it! (Personally I think you should get to be an accountant. I need one that understands horses.) Every door that shuts is simply a way to teach you to keep going until the open door is in front of you.

[judybigredpony]

I think this is something you need to address. I don't even know you but I can tell you this for sure....you are more than just a rider. Right now, this is how you define yourself. I had friends at your age that ALWAYS had to be in love...they defined themselves by their relationships and if those relationships fell apart....so did they. A few out grew this when they became more confident in themselves...and had experienced more of life.

Riding and horses are a big part of your life...but there is more to life and to you than that...a lot more. Do not give up on your dreams, but take some time to explore things outside of the horse world too.

Right now, you have just hit a bit of speed bump...or actually...maybe been the speed bump. That was my nickname at your age when I had been trampled by a green horse It will get better.

Well said.....and maybe never get back on the mare..possibly she is cursed not you...

[KateMcCall]

Thank you, everyone for the advice.
I wont lie - I am being pessimistic. There is a string of health issues that have been going on in my life for 5 years now that have been keeping me from being the rider I want to be (like unexplained/random high blood pressure).

Sometimes its hard to look on the bright side when so much seems to be going wrong.
I quite often get the feeling that all I need to do is push myself through all the pain and tears and literally FORCE myself to become a good rider, because I know that is what it will take for me to feel satisfied with my life.

[KateMcCall]

Well said.....and maybe never get back on the mare..possibly she is cursed not you...

I don't think I will be riding her again.... although I will be riding the WB that broke my back until I can afford my own horse

[Calamber]

Do you by any chance drink any of the so called "energy" drinks?

[KateMcCall]

Do you by any chance drink any of the so called "energy" drinks?

No... I'm not allowed any caffiene. my BP averages at 160/120 and I am on 2 perscription bp meds and 1 all-natural bp supplement. i even diet and am losing weight but no change in my bp
(sorry for bad grammar... its hard to type with a cast on lol)

[Bogie]

I quite often get the feeling that all I need to do is push myself through all the pain and tears and literally FORCE myself to become a good rider, because I know that is what it will take for me to feel satisfied with my life.

Keep an open mind. There are lots of ways to feel satisfied with life, not just one. Sometimes they sneak up on you.

Focus is good, for sure. But don't develop tunnel vision.

[goodmorning]

Another random - but, I knew someone in college that was in great physical shape, but was found to have high bp. She said it ended up being a hormonal thing - she either discontinued, or started, birth control to fix her issue. I don't remember the specifics, but, thought I'd pass it along.