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  1. #1
    Join Date
    Sep. 9, 2007
    Location
    Charleston, SC
    Posts
    2,147

    Default After breakup or divorce

    Do you ever regret it? I have been doing 100x's better emotionally and physically since leaving my ex-hubby. There are days that I really miss being married but just not to him.

    The guy that I was dating and I split up a month ago or so. Mostly because he tried to make me choose between him and horse. BIG mistake. I can see he hasn't learned the error of his ways yet. We were talking about Christmas coming up and what my plans were. (We are still on speaking terms just not dating) I told him I am not going anywhere because I don't want to take the time off. I reminded him taht I am going to Aiken, SC in February for a week of riding. He started to be like well you will be in the negative for leave blah blah. The next thing I asked him, well..if I took time off at Christmas it would be the same thing. He zipped it.

    I don't even want to date right now but I am so lonely.
    OTTB - Hurricane Denton - Kane AKA Bubble boy
    Boxer - Tugger's - outlasted my marriage



  2. #2
    Join Date
    Mar. 9, 2006
    Location
    Raleigh, NC
    Posts
    1,719

    Default

    I miss the idea of being married as well, sometimes. Mostly I like doing what I wanna do (ride, play with my kid) and what I have to do (work), and there isn't much time for much else anyway. Occasionally I wish I had someone to snuggle with on the couch, or go have a meal at a nice restaurant, etc.

    Not enough to get off my ass and look for a boyfriend. Not enough to go online. Mostly I am not willing right now to "bend" and give up the things I want to do to accommodate another person! I might again one day, and then I guess I'll be motivated.
    From now on, ponyfixer, i'll include foot note references.



  3. #3
    Join Date
    Dec. 30, 2003
    Posts
    388

    Default

    I've not regretted it for a second.

    The period following was one of the most invigorating times of my life and I am so much happier (and content) now.

    I must admit though that until I knew for sure I could keep the property and animals on my own it was pretty sucky.

    Most people seem happier after a divorce in my experience.



  4. #4
    Join Date
    Sep. 16, 1999
    Location
    Ohio: Charter Member - COTH Hockey Clique & COTH Buffy Clique
    Posts
    9,143

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Alice View Post
    Most people seem happier after a divorce in my experience.
    Depends on the reason for the divorce. I was happy being married. Happy with my family and 100% in love with my husband. Had been since we got together at the end of 2005. We (financially speaking I mean me) bought the farm, with the option for more acreage in summer 2010. Winter 2011 he changed his mind on everything... including me. Last Nov/Dec we got together and things were really good... then he changed his mind again very suddenly (over the course of a weekend) and that was it.

    Can't say I regret getting divorced because it wasn't my idea to begin with. I did everything I could do to keep my marriage. So there are no regrets.

    Do I miss it? Yeah, I still do. Moving on is still hard and I still struggle. Some days are better than others. I have kept busy and returned to riding -- to give myself something I really enjoy that I can also feel good about. But every night I go home alone to a house that I never would have purchased by myself -- it's too big of a house (4 bedrooms) with not as much land as I'd like (I can't afford the option land on my own) and a lot of work for just me. And it's when that reality sinks in that I get REALLY lonely. Well, that and when I get hurt and there IS no one there to assure me it will be ok. Like I said... I'm working on it (asked the neighbor if he wanted to share a bottle of wine sometime this weekend -- he's nice and cute and stalbe and single)... but it's still hard some days... usually when people assume that life is somehow better because I'm divorced.
    ************
    "Of course it's hard. It's supposed to be hard. It's the Hard that makes it great."

    "Get up... Get out... Get Drunk. Repeat as needed." -- Spike


    2 members found this post helpful.

  5. #5
    Join Date
    Aug. 25, 2008
    Location
    Florida
    Posts
    2,051

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by tle View Post
    Depends on the reason for the divorce. I was happy being married. Happy with my family and 100% in love with my husband. Had been since we got together at the end of 2005. We (financially speaking I mean me) bought the farm, with the option for more acreage in summer 2010. Winter 2011 he changed his mind on everything... including me. Last Nov/Dec we got together and things were really good... then he changed his mind again very suddenly (over the course of a weekend) and that was it.

    Can't say I regret getting divorced because it wasn't my idea to begin with. I did everything I could do to keep my marriage. So there are no regrets.

    Do I miss it? Yeah, I still do. Moving on is still hard and I still struggle. Some days are better than others. I have kept busy and returned to riding -- to give myself something I really enjoy that I can also feel good about. But every night I go home alone to a house that I never would have purchased by myself -- it's too big of a house (4 bedrooms) with not as much land as I'd like (I can't afford the option land on my own) and a lot of work for just me. And it's when that reality sinks in that I get REALLY lonely. Well, that and when I get hurt and there IS no one there to assure me it will be ok. Like I said... I'm working on it (asked the neighbor if he wanted to share a bottle of wine sometime this weekend -- he's nice and cute and stalbe and single)... but it's still hard some days... usually when people assume that life is somehow better because I'm divorced.

    I do occasionally miss the snuggling. And SEX! But I want those things on my terms, because I DON'T miss the controlling part (and my marriage was pretty bad for that, which is why I left). I like being able to do things the way I want to (and it's the stupid little things, like being able to watch the shows I like on tv - I actually LIKE tv, and didn't even KNOW it! or to stay out at the barn without feeling guilty). It's dicey financially but well worth it.


    1 members found this post helpful.

  6. #6
    Join Date
    May. 15, 2011
    Location
    Just south of the Arctic Circle...seriously
    Posts
    334

    Default

    I'm pretty lonely and miss living with someone else, but I'm MUCH happier divorced. Even people at work noticed I'm much happier and less stressed, which seems contrary to the stress that divorce is supposed to bring.

    I've really enjoyed dating around and I really love my current boyfriend. I'm not remarrying anytime soon, but he's really good to me.

    I also like the freedom to spoil my pets without someone being a jerk about it.
    “Thoroughbreds are the best. They’re lighter, quicker, and more intelligent.” -George Morris


    1 members found this post helpful.

  7. #7
    Join Date
    Aug. 25, 2008
    Location
    Florida
    Posts
    2,051

    Default

    aha, see, there is another perk. And I can now sleep with my dog, and we BOTH love that. Let's make a list of things we love about now being single, just for a perk-up.


    2 members found this post helpful.

  8. #8
    Join Date
    Jun. 7, 2004
    Location
    Pittsburgh,Pennsylvaina
    Posts
    4,029

    Default

    mom is 100% happy now that she and dad are no longer together.



  9. #9
    Join Date
    Aug. 18, 2004
    Posts
    1,350

    Default

    I filed for divorce from my ex-husband. I didn't like his girlfriend. Never regretted it. Looking back I think I settled- I did all the work in the marriage and he was emotionally unavailable. When I stopped doing so much work- subconsciously- we grew apart and he decided to get an ego boost with the younger (and very immature) model.

    I felt like a weight had been lifted off my shoulders, although the pain of infidelity was immense. I had to work through that emotional mess, even though my marriage was rocky to begin with. Betrayal is so very, very cruel.

    I did not have children with the ex, even though we were together going on 15 years.

    I remarried, and I can honestly say I have never been happier and more in love. Every marriage needs attention and has its moments, but you just learn not to sweat the small stuff. DH and I have two young children, and I think if this marriage failed, I'd be devastated for the kids as well as myself.

    We make the most of whatever is thrown our way- we will never have complete control of our life path.


    1 members found this post helpful.

  10. #10
    Join Date
    Feb. 25, 2011
    Location
    So California
    Posts
    2,675

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by ser42 View Post
    I filed for divorce from my ex-husband. I didn't like his girlfriend.


    3 members found this post helpful.

  11. #11
    Join Date
    Apr. 22, 2011
    Location
    CA
    Posts
    575

    Default

    I had a fairly big breakup about a year and a half ago. Overall it's really been for the best, but there have been times I've regretted it. I've done many, many great things since leaving him that would not have happened if I was still in that relationship. Once I got out, I also realized how unhealthy it was. By being on my own, I was forced to look at and change a lot of my beliefs and behaviors - all for the better. And now I'm free to find someone to make a better relationship with.

    That said, if I had known what was waiting for me dating-wise, I'm not sure I would have ever left. I do get lonely and miss having that default person to hang out with, and my dating ventures since then have been underwhelming at best. I miss the security and have declared I'm tired of dating - I just want to settle down with someone and get on with it. If I had known how hard the fallout would be, I just might have stayed with him.

    Now, the things I like about being single:
    -Getting to spread out on my bed all alone and using ALLLLLL the pillows
    -Not having to clean my room as much since nobody else is going to see it
    -Getting to do dorky hobbies and watch fluffy TV without fearing judgement
    -Not having to tell anyone else what I'm doing or when I'll be home or what plans I have for the weekend
    -Not having to shave as often
    If the pony spits venom in your face or produces a loud roar, it is probably not a pony. Find another. -The Oatmeal



  12. #12
    Join Date
    Sep. 24, 2009
    Posts
    1,193

    Default

    I was in an unhappy marraige for 12 years and never realized how unhappy I was until he was activated and went to Iraq for 2 years. The difference was amazing ! My ex was so negative, so degrading, and just miserable to be around. He was emotionally draining. NOTHING I did was good enough. I decided that I didn't want to be married to him any more, so when he came home I told him I wanted a divorce.

    I've dated here and there since, nothing serious. The problem is that the people I'm finding have so much emotional baggage. They want a mommy, not a GF, and honestly after 12 years of giving up everything trying to make an unhappy person happy, I'm not willing to do it again. I'm a happy person by nature and want to find someone that won't drag me down. Granted, I haven't been looking too awefully hard either.

    So, I enjoy my critters and doing what I want. I have a few good guy friends that I can call if I want to go out for dinner or a movie. I have a ton of female friends to hang out with.

    Sometimes it gets lonely, but it's a trade-off - I don't have to put up with anyone else's BS.


    1 members found this post helpful.

  13. #13
    Join Date
    Jun. 16, 2008
    Location
    AB
    Posts
    613

    Default

    My husband and I split last spring. His choice. I did everything I could to keep it together, so I have no regrets - unlike him....

    I am lonely, but in no way want him back. I do want to find someone to love though.

    I find this strange since I wasn't lonely when we were together, although we'd been in separate bedrooms and hadn't 'cuddled' up on the couch for a few years. I was ok with that and not lonely when we were together, but now I really want someone to just hang out with and snuggle up with.

    I tried the online dating thing, and found out that I'm SOOO not cut out for it. Seems like there are lots of decent guys on it, but they don't want to actually get off those sites and have an actual relationship. I've found out that my brain just can't deal with that.

    It is really nice not to feel guilty about my horses or not being home for dinner or going out with my girlfriends. That part I really do enjoy. I also enjoy all the new clothes that I'm buying (using ex's account). A girl has to look good when single right???? I also paid to have my hay delivered this year for the first time ever since I'd have had to do it alone otherwise



  14. #14
    Join Date
    Oct. 20, 2008
    Location
    Florida, USA
    Posts
    779

    Default

    I've had it both ways- where it was the best feeling in the world and a weight was lifted... and where I had to keep reminding myself every day that it was the right decision.
    Hard part was the "comfort zone" that we had created together- he was my best friend... just wasn't the "man of my life"... took me 2-3 years to really stop thinking about him and the what if's. The fact that he was such a great guy and wanted me back made it VERY hard not to just run back (would have been for comfort reasons as well as company rather than love).
    Think the hardest thing was truly the "friendship" aspect I missed!
    Proudly living in my "let's save the world bubble"!



  15. #15

    Default

    It depends upon the circumstances. When you've endured abuse and crap for years, it's liberating.

    When your life partner runs back into a burning barn because no woman in their family has been treated with respect for three generations and it feels so wrong no longer to be abused, well, that's a very different situation.



  16. #16
    Join Date
    Sep. 9, 2007
    Location
    Charleston, SC
    Posts
    2,147

    Default

    I just got tired of being just there. His family didn't like me. I never met any of his friends. We just grew apart. I didn't wnat to work on the marriage because I didn't feel anything for him. Just a friend and that is it. There was no zing anymore. Actually I settled when I married him.

    The boyfriend...he can be a controlling ass and it took a few smacks in the head to realize that. Even last night he was being pissy about me going to Aiken in February. JERK we are not together..you have no say.
    OTTB - Hurricane Denton - Kane AKA Bubble boy
    Boxer - Tugger's - outlasted my marriage



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