um, you absolutely deserve a pity party for cripes sakes!
you've had a plain shitty year and your grief over your loss is fresh and real. it is very possible to love and hate at the same time, boy do i know that trick.
you get to cry and scream and ache for as long as you need to.(((((((((((((((hugs))))))))))))))
I'm so sorry for your loss, and all that you've been through. I sincerely hope you can find a little time for yourself sometime soon. Maybe a relaxing massage or something? I also agree that staying on your vacation was the best thing to do. Nothing could be accomplished by coming home. I hope you were able to get as much enjoyment out of your trip as possible.
Jingles for your filly. Hope she's feeling better soon as well.
I'm really sorry. Many times we wouldn't choose our relatives as friends, but we're stuck with them and all of their baggage. And it still hurts to lose them. I hope you have a nice memorial service for him and can remember him the way he was before addiction took over his life.
If a free society cannot help the many who are poor, it cannot save the few who are rich.
~ John F. Kennedy
I am sorry for you and your families loss. Its never easy, I am glad you stayed in CA. There was nothing you could have done at home.
I lost my younger sister, ......ready for the kicker, ......on my birthday. Loosing a sibling is weird the timing is wrong, you always expect to lose your parents first but when you lose a sibling it changes the balance.
I have 12 years of experience, if you need to talk, just PM me.
So sorry for your unbelievably difficult year. This latest event must have just felt like a sucker punch. Don't be hard on yourself. It was out of your hands, you know. And it is definitely possible to hate someone you love - because it hurts that much more when it hasn't worked out/they've done you wrong, when you cared so much.
Hopefully this will be the end of so much, next year will be so much better, with perhaps, an early start before this year is through!
Thinking of you. <hugs>
How can there be so many currents in such a little puddle? National Velvet
I am so sorry for all your pains. I too have and still am going through something similar. It is a very emotionally draining and just when you get your energy up, life just seems to throw something else out for you to handle. As they say, but I question in these hard time, you are not given more than you can handle....
RIP for your brother, I am sure he read this post and see's his will and how it made people's life better or worst.
Back in 2001, ex-husband and I were on our first vacation in about four years. At the time we lived in separate cities as we were both in graduate school/medical residency. It was the first week we'd spent together in a long, long time.
Within the first day, we find out my grandfather was unexpectedly hospitalized and the docs gave him a couple of days at most. I usually lived a five-hour drive away- had I been home I could've gotten to him easily. But now we were a couple thousand miles away. At his urging, we stayed on our vacation, but he did not live for me to see him again
I hope things settle down for you and you find some peace.
I'm so sorry about your losses, both FGF and Kestrel.
Grieving someone's passing, however complicated by that person's bad behavior, isn't a pity-party in my book. Nor is the acknowledgment of a series of difficult or traumatic events even remotely a pity-party.
You were due a vacation and, no, returning wouldn't have fixed anything.
Sounds like you had a particularly bad year - soon it will be over and let's all hope for more positive times coming up and that the filly's recovery is smooth.
"If I am fool, it is, at least, a doubting one; and I envy no one the certainty of his self-approved wisdom."
I'm so sorry for both your loss and your bad year! Sending hugs.
My Mom died while on vacation in CA. Prior to leaving, she told me she didn't want to go. I told her not to go then. She said it was already paid for. I said so what. She went and died on the first full day of the vacation. I still sometimes fight the little nagging 'what if' in the back of my brain and the wish that I could have been there or talked her out of going but then I might have been dealing with her death at home alone since it was a business trip for Dad. Who knows.
Anyway, I'm so sorry! Sending vibes for your healing and for a better 2013. Regardless of your relationship, healing will still take time.
Whatever you can do, or dream you can, begin it. Boldness has genius, power, and magic in it. Goethe