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  1. #41
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    Oct. 9, 2012
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    Gee, I'm starting to feel sorry for Scott.

    Maybe he is like this with all his friends?



  2. #42
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    It feel sorry for Scott. He sounds socially inept and lonely. Some people have things that you can not see but that can greatly affect their interactions with people - such as Aspergers. Or, some people are just awkward and not so easy to be around. Perhaps he is just immature for his age. Some guys (and girls) take longer to become fully formed adults than others.

    Your BF sounds like a nice guy to tolerate him and it also sounds like your BF is good at setting boundaries. OP, you might dig deep and try and find a bit of compassion for this guy and even feel appreciative that your BF is so tolerant and willing to give this guy a little time and even willing to try and introduce him to others in the hopes that he will make some more friends.

    Perhaps even try to show this guy a little compassion yourself and invite him over for dinner once in a while. Maybe you can find something to appreciate about him and maybe by being kind to him (not condescending and not sufferingly tolerant) he will bother you a little less.

    You mentioned above that you are a bit of a crybaby. Maybe you are a bit jealous or want to have more control over your BF than you care to admit and if this is the case then try and work on that because almost nothing alienates a guy what a controlling chick who wants to tell them who they are allowed to have for friends. It does not sound like there is anything your BF should be doing differently and really the behaviors of Scott should not concern you at all unless they are directed at you.


    2 members found this post helpful.

  3. #43
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    I've met some people that seem socially awkward, and creepy, and with boundary problems. They really bother me, and I avoid them. It must be icky to not want someone around, and they act like this guy where they are constantly popping up. I doubt he'll just go away by himself either.
    You can't fix stupid-Ron White



  4. #44
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    Mar. 6, 2002
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    Quote Originally Posted by sketcher View Post
    You mentioned above that you are a bit of a crybaby. Maybe you are a bit jealous or want to have more control over your BF than you care to admit and if this is the case then try and work on that because almost nothing alienates a guy what a controlling chick who wants to tell them who they are allowed to have for friends. It does not sound like there is anything your BF should be doing differently and really the behaviors of Scott should not concern you at all unless they are directed at you.
    She's actually said a number of times that she WON'T tell him to lose this guy.

    What would bother me? The coercing to go get drunk and hit on girls. It's disrespectful, since the guy clearly knows that OP exists and can safely presume that they are in an exclusive relationship since they live together.
    What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what
    lies with in us. - Emerson



  5. #45
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    He sounds like maybe has something Aspergers going on. My BIL's sister has Aspergers. No one told me before the first time I met her. At one point while she was at my home for a family get together, I pulled my husband aside and was like "WHAT IS GOING ON? She is driving me NUTS!?!?!" He apologized for failing to mention the Aspergers. She would say totally inappropriate stuff, and would try to interject things into conversations that were just...weird. And she flipped out when I didn't have the right kind of chips for the cheese ball. LOL

    Anyway, maybe Scott has something like that going on. Maybe he's just socially awkward.

    Either way, he sounds like he's desperately trying to "please" your BF and be his friend. I would guess that his "get drunk and talk to girls" comment was more about saying what he THINKS is a cool guy thing to say.

    Your BF could tell Scott "Thanks dude, but I have a girlfriend so that's not something I do." But really, that's just encouraging more discussion. So it's better that he does what he does in ignoring most of the texts and just periodically hanging out with the guy.

    I think that it speaks really highly of your BF that he is giving the guy a chance and trying to incorporate him into guy life. I think it was also very very very kind of him to insist that you not invite friend A who is friends with Scott and not invite Scott. That would be very hurtful.

    It sounds like you have a really solid, kind, thoughtful guy in your BF.

    So...as to your original post and question of how to not let it bother you? Well, if Scott were your brother, wouldn't you be glad to know that someone like BF can see that he's a little off but gives him a chance? That would help me get over it.
    A good horseman doesn't have to tell anyone...the horse already knows.

    Might be a reason, never an excuse...


    3 members found this post helpful.

  6. #46
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    Apr. 7, 2004
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    Quote Originally Posted by sketcher View Post
    It feel sorry for Scott. He sounds socially inept and lonely. Some people have things that you can not see but that can greatly affect their interactions with people - such as Aspergers. Or, some people are just awkward and not so easy to be around. Perhaps he is just immature for his age. Some guys (and girls) take longer to become fully formed adults than others.

    Your BF sounds like a nice guy to tolerate him and it also sounds like your BF is good at setting boundaries. OP, you might dig deep and try and find a bit of compassion for this guy and even feel appreciative that your BF is so tolerant and willing to give this guy a little time and even willing to try and introduce him to others in the hopes that he will make some more friends.

    Perhaps even try to show this guy a little compassion yourself and invite him over for dinner once in a while. Maybe you can find something to appreciate about him and maybe by being kind to him (not condescending and not sufferingly tolerant) he will bother you a little less.

    You mentioned above that you are a bit of a crybaby. Maybe you are a bit jealous or want to have more control over your BF than you care to admit and if this is the case then try and work on that because almost nothing alienates a guy what a controlling chick who wants to tell them who they are allowed to have for friends. It does not sound like there is anything your BF should be doing differently and really the behaviors of Scott should not concern you at all unless they are directed at you.
    Yes, I do appreciate that BF is such a kind person.

    I'm not at all controlling. As I've stated, I encourage BF to go hang out with his buddies without me and that I said I would never ask BF to not be friends with Scott.
    I'm a very independent person and just don't understand clingy behavior.



  7. #47
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    Quote Originally Posted by Heinz 57 View Post
    She's actually said a number of times that she WON'T tell him to lose this guy.

    What would bother me? The coercing to go get drunk and hit on girls. It's disrespectful, since the guy clearly knows that OP exists and can safely presume that they are in an exclusive relationship since they live together.
    Thank you.
    And yes, exactly! I have used the word "disrespectful" more than once.
    And yes, exclusive.



  8. #48
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    Quote Originally Posted by BuddyRoo View Post
    He sounds like maybe has something Aspergers going on. My BIL's sister has Aspergers. No one told me before the first time I met her. At one point while she was at my home for a family get together, I pulled my husband aside and was like "WHAT IS GOING ON? She is driving me NUTS!?!?!" He apologized for failing to mention the Aspergers. She would say totally inappropriate stuff, and would try to interject things into conversations that were just...weird. And she flipped out when I didn't have the right kind of chips for the cheese ball. LOL

    Anyway, maybe Scott has something like that going on. Maybe he's just socially awkward.

    Either way, he sounds like he's desperately trying to "please" your BF and be his friend. I would guess that his "get drunk and talk to girls" comment was more about saying what he THINKS is a cool guy thing to say.

    Your BF could tell Scott "Thanks dude, but I have a girlfriend so that's not something I do." But really, that's just encouraging more discussion. So it's better that he does what he does in ignoring most of the texts and just periodically hanging out with the guy.

    I think that it speaks really highly of your BF that he is giving the guy a chance and trying to incorporate him into guy life. I think it was also very very very kind of him to insist that you not invite friend A who is friends with Scott and not invite Scott. That would be very hurtful.

    It sounds like you have a really solid, kind, thoughtful guy in your BF.

    So...as to your original post and question of how to not let it bother you? Well, if Scott were your brother, wouldn't you be glad to know that someone like BF can see that he's a little off but gives him a chance? That would help me get over it.
    Funny, I actually did some research into Aspergers to try to understand it better.

    Also funny that you hit the nail on the head with one of your points. I've asked BF why he doesn't tell Scott that his invites to go out and get drunk and hit on girls is out of line but he says the same as you that he just ignores it and hopes Scott recognizes that he never responds to those type invites....



  9. #49
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    Quote Originally Posted by Gloria View Post
    Are you a rather independent person? I can see why excessive clininess might annoy you if you generally are self reliant. Or,... maybe this is way over the top... but, is he attracted to your BF?
    Aren't all horse women independent?

    And you aren't the first to broach the "is he attracted to bf" question. Though honestly I don't think that's it. I think Scott may look up to bf and just really wants to have someone like him as a friend.....



  10. #50
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    Maybe it's more than he just wants to be friends with BF, and that he envies the relationship and life the two of you have.
    You can't fix stupid-Ron White



  11. #51
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    Totally agree on Asperger's suggestion.

    The "going out and talking to girls", within the Aspie construct, may not be what you think it is. I don't think he is suggesting that your bf would be hitting on girls, I think he desperately wants to talk to girls and needs someone with your bf's social skills to help him do that. Get the ball rolling. Some/most Aspie people have literally no idea how to do that, though many of them can explain the theory of relativity or reprogram you phone in 18 seconds. I bet he's aware that he is socially awkward. I bet he knows you think he is creepy. This is common for Aspie people. If you can, try to put yourself in his shoes.

    Ironically, Aspie people are supposed to be the ones who don't have empathy, yet they need it. Please try.

    Some aspie stuff:

    Problems with social skills: Children with Asperger's syndrome generally have difficulty interacting with others and often are awkward in social situations. They generally do not make friends easily. They have difficulty initiating and maintaining conversation.

    Eccentric or repetitive behaviors: Children with this condition may develop odd, repetitive movements, such as hand wringing or finger twisting.
    Unusual preoccupations or rituals: A child with Asperger's syndrome may develop rituals that he or she refuses to alter, such as getting dressed in a specific order.

    Communication difficulties: People with Asperger's syndrome may not make eye contact when speaking with someone. They may have trouble using facial expressions and gestures, and understanding body language. They also tend to have problems understanding language in context.

    Limited range of interests: A child with Asperger's syndrome may develop an intense, almost obsessive, interest in a few areas, such as sports schedules, weather, or maps.

    Coordination problems: The movements of children with Asperger's syndrome may seem clumsy or awkward.
    Skilled or talented: Many children with Asperger's syndrome are exceptionally talented or skilled in a particular area, such as music or math.



  12. #52
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    You guys are right.
    I guess I should start looking at him in a different light...

    I suppose I'm lucky that I'm independent and outgoing and have tons of friends, and obviously, an amazing BF, and not everyone is so lucky.



  13. #53
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    Quote Originally Posted by JanM View Post
    Maybe it's more than he just wants to be friends with BF, and that he envies the relationship and life the two of you have.
    Agreed....



  14. #54
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    Invested, FWIW, I'm not suggesting that you allow things to happen in your sphere of life that you're not comfortable with. If you're not comfortable around this guy and don't want to hang out with him, that is okay. But it doesn't sound like he's a physical threat, so with that in mind, I'd cut him and BF some slack.
    A good horseman doesn't have to tell anyone...the horse already knows.

    Might be a reason, never an excuse...



  15. #55
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    Quote Originally Posted by BuddyRoo View Post
    Invested, FWIW, I'm not suggesting that you allow things to happen in your sphere of life that you're not comfortable with. If you're not comfortable around this guy and don't want to hang out with him, that is okay. But it doesn't sound like he's a physical threat, so with that in mind, I'd cut him and BF some slack.
    Oh, I know. And truthfully, do I think *I'll* hang out more with Scott? No.
    But do I think that I can cut him a bit more slack for being so needy? Maybe. I can try...



  16. #56
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    Alrighty, so I tried taking the high road and was reaffirmed in my dislike for Scott.

    BF and I recently had a party so *I* added Scott to the invite and decided I would be nice (FWIW, Scott knows that I'm not a fan of his since he's never invited over....).

    So when he walked into the party, I caught him as he was coming in the door and said, "Scott, I'm happy you could make it!" and I even went to give him a hug. A-hole shoves past me and says, "Yah, I bet you are." Wow, ok. At my own party!

    He then ignores me all night (which truly, I'm fine with) and talks with basically the only guy other than BF he knows (the friend of friend we met him through). When he goes to leave, he makes a big production out of saying goodbye to the few people still there and even walks the loooong way around the kitchen to say goodbye to someone else, just so he wouldn't have to walk past me.

    After Scott left, I looked at bf and said, "you saw that right?" He said he did and that they were going to have a talk.
    Few days later I get a totally insincere email from Scott saying something like, "Hey, I'm so sorry we didn't get a chance to talk at the party! But it was such a great time! How are you??" Yah....no. And delete and done.

    At least I can say I tried....

    But, that all said, I have taken a deep breath and realized that Scott's creepy crush on BF really doesn't (need to) affect me, so I have told myself not to care so much, and it's actually working.


    2 members found this post helpful.

  17. #57
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    He sounds pretty immature. Good for you for ignoring it and moving on with your life!
    http://www.youtube.com/user/NBChoice http://nbchoice.blogspot.com/
    The New Banner's Choice- 1994 ASB Mare
    Dennis The Menace Too- 1999 ASB Gelding
    Dreamacres Sublime- 2008 ASB Gelding



  18. #58
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    Any chance Scott is Bisexual and really DOES have a crush on your BF? The creepy feeling, and his reaction at the party, and constantly trying to get close to your BF sounds like what a girl would do to a guy she has a crush on, and is trying to push the GF out of the way.



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