The Chronicle of the Horse
MagazineNewsHorse SportsHorse CareCOTH StoreVoicesThe Chronicle UntackedMarketplaceDates & Results
 
Page 1 of 3 123 LastLast
Results 1 to 20 of 58
  1. #1
    Join Date
    Apr. 7, 2004
    Location
    NoVa
    Posts
    4,988

    Default How do you not let something annoy you? Recent Update....

    This bugs the crap out of me, and while I know it probably shouldn't, I can't help myself. So how do I make myself not care???

    Situation:
    A few months ago, BF and I met a "friend of a friend;" let's call him Scott.

    Scott is creepy and awkward and I am not a fan of his. That said, he completely latched onto BF and contacts him *every single day* sometimes multiple times. BF will ignore him for some days in a row and Scott still persists. Scott doesn't have many friends and is so desperate for BF to like him that he's just....grossly persistent.

    BF will see Scott occasionally. In fact, he invited Scott into a weekly boys' movie night so that maybe Scott will make some new friends. (I can only hope he finds someone new to latch on to!!)

    Anyway, like I said, I'm not really sure why this gets so deeply under my skin but it does. Well, actually, it might have something to do with that Scott will often times invite BF out to "get drunk and talk to girls" (BF just doesn't respond).
    Ugh, but it actually has caused more than one fight between me and BF. I'm pretty sure I just need to get over it but don't actually know how....

    Help.
    Last edited by Invested1; Dec. 17, 2012 at 02:47 PM.



  2. #2
    Join Date
    Jan. 10, 2002
    Location
    Area VIII, Region 2, Zone 5.
    Posts
    6,374

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Invested1 View Post
    Scott will often times invite BF out to "get drunk and talk to girls" (BF just doesn't respond).
    The part in parentheses is what helps you let this go. The other part is just juvenile and stupid.
    Quote Originally Posted by Linny View Post
    Those martingales were so taut, you could play Ode to Joy on them with a comb


    2 members found this post helpful.

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Feb. 1, 2012
    Location
    Vermont
    Posts
    4,492

    Default

    It sounds like this Scott fellow is bad news and your gut has told you so. I would suggest reading "The Gift of Fear" - it's all about how your intuition could possibly save you from danger or even death. I am reading the book now, and this guy's persistent behavior is similar to some cases the book shares with its readers.
    "If you think nobody cares about you, try missing a couple payments..."


    2 members found this post helpful.

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Feb. 16, 2010
    Location
    Jacksonville, FL
    Posts
    777

    Default

    The best way to deal with someone who annoys you is to either find something in common with them to bond over OR if they're truly reprehensible find something to laugh at them over when forced to be around them and avoid them when possible.


    1 members found this post helpful.

  5. #5
    Join Date
    Feb. 20, 2010
    Location
    All 'round Canadia
    Posts
    3,800

    Default

    Positive reinforcement on a variable ratio schedule (basically intermittent positive reinforcement) like your bf is doing by sometimes responding to Scott's persistent efforts is actually the most successful behavioral conditioning schedule.


    6 members found this post helpful.

  6. #6
    Join Date
    Apr. 7, 2004
    Location
    NoVa
    Posts
    4,988

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by showhorsegallery View Post
    The best way to deal with someone who annoys you is to either find something in common with them to bond over OR if they're truly reprehensible find something to laugh at them over when forced to be around them and avoid them when possible.
    We both apparently are in love with my BF....



  7. #7
    Join Date
    Apr. 7, 2004
    Location
    NoVa
    Posts
    4,988

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Coanteen View Post
    Positive reinforcement on a variable ratio schedule (basically intermittent positive reinforcement) like your bf is doing by sometimes responding to Scott's persistent efforts is actually the most successful behavioral conditioning schedule.
    As in to make it stop or that makes it continue?



  8. #8
    Join Date
    Apr. 7, 2004
    Location
    NoVa
    Posts
    4,988

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by SuckerForHorses View Post
    It sounds like this Scott fellow is bad news and your gut has told you so. I would suggest reading "The Gift of Fear" - it's all about how your intuition could possibly save you from danger or even death. I am reading the book now, and this guy's persistent behavior is similar to some cases the book shares with its readers.
    I agree that there's something off about him but BF thinks he's harmless and possibly just socially awkward....



  9. #9
    Join Date
    Apr. 7, 2004
    Location
    NoVa
    Posts
    4,988

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by SillyHorse View Post
    The part in parentheses is what helps you let this go. The other part is just juvenile and stupid.
    Agreed! But all parties are in their 30s; this isn't come 18yo dingdong.
    And I definitely appreciate that BF generally just ignores him but I suppose Scott gets enough attention from BF to continue...



  10. #10
    Join Date
    Feb. 20, 2010
    Location
    All 'round Canadia
    Posts
    3,800

    Default

    Make sure it continues, sorry.



  11. #11
    Join Date
    Apr. 7, 2004
    Location
    NoVa
    Posts
    4,988

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Coanteen View Post
    Make sure it continues, sorry.
    Ugh, I thought that's what you meant. *sigh*

    I guess that's the thing though that BF doesn't necessarily dislike the guy, just doesn't want to see/talk to him on such an excessive basis. And perhaps BF is getting a bit of an ego boost out of this--I mean, I'm not the only one who has pointed out that Scott has some weird crush on BF....



  12. #12
    Join Date
    Sep. 8, 2006
    Location
    Fredericksburg, VA
    Posts
    1,477

    Default

    I am not a counselor, a psychologist or a psychiatrist.

    1. I think on some level you must know why this bothers you so much despite the fact that you aren't really having to deal with it(your BF is). Do you REALLY think Scott is potentially dangerous in any way?

    2. What would you have your BF do about Scott (tell Scott not to contact him anymore/ignore Scott until Scott goes away?), and is your BF happy/willing to do it?

    3. Can your BF simply stop telling you how often Scott contacts him -- would that help?



  13. #13
    Join Date
    Oct. 16, 2008
    Location
    Central Oklahoma
    Posts
    2,878

    Default

    Next time, when Scott invites BF to "get drunk and talk to girls", invite yourself to their little party, declaring you are the best resource to help Scot to "talk to girls". Also, it sounds like your BF is doing what he should be doing, so try not to fight with him about Scott. The last thing you want is to drive him toward Scott.


    1 members found this post helpful.

  14. #14
    Join Date
    Apr. 4, 2010
    Location
    yonder a bit, GA
    Posts
    3,093

    Default

    I really don't know if what I'm thinking is applicable or not, and it may be tangential, completely, but here goes anyway. I've thought about this a lot, because I tend to get myself Just So Bothered by little annoying things. Just try to understand that everyone is not just one dimension/extreme. People are good and bad, rarely just one of the above.
    MrB has a way of letting very, very little about other people get to him. He definitely gets annoyed with people in general,.... BUT on a personal level he's very quick to brush off little to moderate annoyances, especially if he knows the individual is generally a good person overall (an example, we know someone who I think is a loon and am baffled by her various beliefs but mrb never lets those types of thoughts affect his interactions with her and he still respects the good work she does. ) In short, MrB is the Drama Llama Whisperer. He refuses to feed into drama, very rarely acknowledges it at all, and rises above it. I just pretend to be like him when I start to get pissed off with someone. It's just tooooo tiring to let other people affect your day negatively. Easier said than done I know, but it takes practice.
    Sometimes to really feel like I'm ignoring the behavior and not falling into a bad mood, i imagine the annoying person as an obnoxious adolescent labrador, jumping on me and biting my hands. A stern demeanor, no engaging of the Stupid, and extinguish the behavior. :-)
    MrB's attempt at talking like a horse person, "We'll be entering in the amateur hunter-gatherer division...."


    3 members found this post helpful.

  15. #15
    Join Date
    Apr. 7, 2004
    Location
    NoVa
    Posts
    4,988

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Gloria View Post
    Next time, when Scott invites BF to "get drunk and talk to girls", invite yourself to their little party, declaring you are the best resource to help Scot to "talk to girls". Also, it sounds like your BF is doing what he should be doing, so try not to fight with him about Scott. The last thing you want is to drive him toward Scott.
    I've tried that in the past but I'm seriously just so creeped out by the dude that I really don't want to be around him.

    And I know, you're absolutely right about trying not to fight about it. That's why I posted the thread so you wise folk can help me.



  16. #16
    Join Date
    Apr. 7, 2004
    Location
    NoVa
    Posts
    4,988

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by bits619 View Post
    I really don't know if what I'm thinking is applicable or not, and it may be tangential, completely, but here goes anyway. I've thought about this a lot, because I tend to get myself Just So Bothered by little annoying things. Just try to understand that everyone is not just one dimension/extreme. People are good and bad, rarely just one of the above.
    MrB has a way of letting very, very little about other people get to him. He definitely gets annoyed with people in general,.... BUT on a personal level he's very quick to brush off little to moderate annoyances, especially if he knows the individual is generally a good person overall (an example, we know someone who I think is a loon and am baffled by her various beliefs but mrb never lets those types of thoughts affect his interactions with her and he still respects the good work she does. ) In short, MrB is the Drama Llama Whisperer. He refuses to feed into drama, very rarely acknowledges it at all, and rises above it. I just pretend to be like him when I start to get pissed off with someone. It's just tooooo tiring to let other people affect your day negatively. Easier said than done I know, but it takes practice.
    Sometimes to really feel like I'm ignoring the behavior and not falling into a bad mood, i imagine the annoying person as an obnoxious adolescent labrador, jumping on me and biting my hands. A stern demeanor, no engaging of the Stupid, and extinguish the behavior. :-)
    BF is EXACTLY like Mr.B!!!



  17. #17
    Join Date
    Mar. 30, 2007
    Location
    Hollowed out volcano in the South Pacific.
    Posts
    10,812

    Default

    So what about him is really creepy/awkward? Does he offer you home-made soap whenever he sees you? Does he refer to you by your full name? Does he keep a picture of your personal manflesh in his wallet? Give us something to work with here!
    SPACE FOR RENT


    3 members found this post helpful.

  18. #18
    Join Date
    Apr. 7, 2004
    Location
    NoVa
    Posts
    4,988

    Default

    Windsor--for some reason it won't let me answer your questions in a quote, so here you go...


    1. I think on some level you must know why this bothers you so much despite the fact that you aren't really having to deal with it(your BF is). Do you REALLY think Scott is potentially dangerous in any way?

    No, I really don't think he's potentially dangerous, I just think he's creepy and clingy and socially incompetent. Example: We were all at a fundraiser once and I won a doorprize and BF took a picture of me. Scott saw it and said, "That's hot! Can you text it to me?" Umm, seriously? NO!

    2. What would you have your BF do about Scott (tell Scott not to contact him anymore/ignore Scott until Scott goes away?), and is your BF happy/willing to do it?
    If I had my way BF would never see/talk to Scott. BUT BF is a big boy and can make his own decisions and I would never ask him to end a friendship just because I don't like the guy.

    3. Can your BF simply stop telling you how often Scott contacts him -- would that help?
    He doesn't generally tell me. Often times, I'll keep hearing his phone blow up and will ask, "Scott again?" In fairness, it's more me who brings it up than BF...



  19. #19
    Join Date
    Dec. 21, 2008
    Location
    Longing to be where I once was.....
    Posts
    2,157

    Default

    Are you jealous of what little time your boyfriend spends with him? You need to just let the whole thing go because it isn't your problem. He is your boyfriend, not your husband and if he wants to humor this poor, lonely guy it is his choice.
    I would expect that if he gets tired of " scott" he will put an end to it or probably pawn him off on someone else ( as apparently was done to him).

    Now if " scott" starts showing up on dates, at your place or uninvited, then you have a reason to get annoyed. I would be bothered by that.



  20. #20
    Join Date
    Apr. 7, 2004
    Location
    NoVa
    Posts
    4,988

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by LexInVA View Post
    So what about him is really creepy/awkward? Does he offer you home-made soap whenever he sees you? Does he refer to you by your full name? Does he keep a picture of your personal manflesh in his wallet? Give us something to work with here!
    Haha. Honestly, I think the every day texting is creepy. And really, there's just something about the guy that seems....off.
    Though I wouldn't be surprised if he does carry around a picture of BF...



Similar Threads

  1. Would this annoy you? (work related)
    By kookicat in forum Off Topic
    Replies: 8
    Last Post: May. 28, 2012, 07:19 PM
  2. Do Craigslist Horse Ads Annoy You?
    By ParadoxFarm in forum Hunter/Jumper
    Replies: 30
    Last Post: Nov. 21, 2011, 02:57 PM
  3. Things that annoy me....
    By fargonefarm in forum Off Topic
    Replies: 72
    Last Post: May. 28, 2011, 11:57 AM
  4. Things on facebook that annoy you
    By dghunter in forum Off Topic
    Replies: 7
    Last Post: Jan. 15, 2011, 11:08 PM
  5. Things that annoy you in Horse Sale Ads...
    By wingedmare in forum Off Course
    Replies: 76
    Last Post: Sep. 10, 2009, 12:08 PM

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •