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  1. #21
    Join Date
    Aug. 14, 2000
    Location
    Rochester,NY,USA
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    7,425

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    OP, I'm with you feeling like a fuddy duddy at times when it comes to mannerss in any way, shape or form.

    I have a very dear friend (in that should something happen to me, she's got Power of Attorney), who has lots of friends as she is a very kind, nice person and I suspect she spreads herself pretty thin. I couldn't tell you how many times I've called, left a message on either her landline and her cell phone to call me about something and, if I'm lucky, I get a call back 2+ wks later. She won't do email and often all I want is maybe someone's phone #, or a contact, something that would be so easy in an email. But no, must be telephone contact, and to top it off, she will usually be on the phone for 30 minutes or more. Prime example, I called her when I euthanized my dog to ask her the name of the rescue she has used last yr and gotten 2 dogs. Not only did I not hear from her for over a month, but I had actually found a new little dog. She was going to come over a few days from the call and then called to say she was going to clean house instead. I had the new dog for over 6 wks till she finally got over.

    I really do find that appalling and one of these days, I probably will call her on it and the friendship will probably end completely.
    Sue
    Back in my day, we didn't have as many warning labels because people weren't so dang stupid!



  2. #22
    Join Date
    Mar. 30, 2012
    Location
    Crestview, Fl
    Posts
    453

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    My son says please and thank you and he's only 2. I'm amazed at other children his age and even by some people that are my age. I went to the barn this weekend, a senior girl that I share a lesson horse with was having her portraits done with him. He's a flashy bay with a bunch of white and I figured she would rather him be nice a pretty instead of dingy. I washed his white up so it was nice and bright and wiped the rest of him down(it was chilly). I even used baby wipes on his face because he hates water on his face and I didn't want him to be spazzed out for the photo session. Not even so much as a nod in acknowledgment when I let her know he was ready to go. I'll never help her again that's for sure.



  3. #23
    Join Date
    Apr. 13, 2007
    Posts
    342

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    I'm a giver. Have always been one. I'm trying to change that. Reason being I'm just way done with not being acknowledged.

    I caught a loose horse at a show this summer. No word of thanks or even an acknowlegement.

    Watched as a horse and rider went past. Rider lost their remote to the headset. I let them know that I would pick it up if they moved forward. Handed the remote back to the rider who went on her way like I should have picked it up for her. Neither her nor her trainer thanked me or said 'boo'.

    Helped a young rider at a show. Same thing not a word of thanks.

    I guess all the above didn't feel the need to show gratitude since they hadn't asked me for help?



  4. #24
    Join Date
    Jul. 13, 2008
    Posts
    2,819

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    Sometimes, you just have to laugh it off. And sometimes, you have to just be realistic and know that when you're getting involved in a stranger's life - say, you
    pick up a dropped toy and restore it to the toddler's mommy - part of the reason you're doing it is that you want to be a certain kind of person. That's not diminished in any way if the other person fails to reciprocate. Maybe they're just having a bad day, or they're at the wrong age to "get" the effort you put into it, or whatever.

    The tack store story was atrocious, though.


    2 members found this post helpful.

  5. #25
    Join Date
    Feb. 3, 2005
    Location
    Southern Ontario
    Posts
    910

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    You know what I love do to? If I hold the door for someone, and they don't say 'thank you', I, in a voice that can be heard, say 'you're welcome.'


    6 members found this post helpful.

  6. #26
    Join Date
    Jan. 28, 2003
    Location
    Hollywood, but not the one where they have the Oscars!
    Posts
    7,218

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    OP, you are not exaggerating. There are a few exceptions, but in general manners are a lost art!
    "You can't really debate with someone who has a prescient invisible friend"
    carolprudm



  7. #27
    Join Date
    Feb. 15, 2004
    Location
    Ontario
    Posts
    7,989

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    My DIL hardly ever says thank you. It was explained to me by my son (who is now making sure he sends thank you notes) that since you made a GIFT which was totally voluntary, you got the pleasure of GIVING and should not expect anything in return!!! I just about choked... anything I have ever given her... I have never seen her wear/use. Anything I gave my grand daughter, same thing...
    So I don't bother any more. For gifts, I send a small cheque (and sometimes I get a quick thank you on FB)... most times not.
    If I want to make a birthday gift to my granddaughter, I send a cheque to my son!

    At least, when my husband gave them their house down payment (we did not pay anything towards their wedding vs paying for our daughter's two weeks before theirs), she did post a big thank you on FB and hugged my husband. I am glad to live 6 hours away because I don't think we would be in speaking terms if I lived any closer!



  8. #28
    Join Date
    Mar. 27, 2008
    Location
    Maryland
    Posts
    1,773

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    Even when I was a kid, I always sent thank you notes to people - no matter how small the gift. I send gifts to my niece and nephew and I'm lucky if I get a message on the answering machine (from my brother) saying that they liked the presents. Sometimes I have to call to make sure they received them since I often have to ship. It just strikes me as so rude, but I let it go.
    You are what you dare.



  9. #29
    Join Date
    Mar. 17, 2003
    Location
    North Texas, US
    Posts
    2,171

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    I confess that I'm really, really bad about WRITING thank yous. However, I try really hard to email or call or thank face to face.

    I think at least part of the problem is the sense of entitlement that is growing in this country. If you are entitled to something, you shouldn't have to be thankful for it, right?

    Definitely one of my biggest pet peeves!
    www.debracysporthorses.com
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  10. #30
    Join Date
    Mar. 3, 2010
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    1,432

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    Manners? Rare. It surprises me when the person is educated and was raised with a silver spoon up their behind. However, there you have it. Of course some family members married people that probably never heard of Emily Post and never thought I needed a thank you from their little darlings. Heck, they never even ACKNOWLEDGED getting their gifts! My siblings never did either. I finally stopped sending gifts altogether. No point.

    I am generous by nature. With my time, a listening ear, a shoulder etc. and I am an appreciation junkie. Obviously, I am on the wagon.

    No matter what I do for people, for the most part it is not appreciated. I lost two friends in the past few months because of either their desperation or their arrogance. Not sure which but leaning toward the former.

    I just walk away and look for new friends. Since I am who I am I need to retain only those that are capable of at least some shred of manners, decency or maturity of some kind. Still it pays to remember that "No pod deed goes unpunished!" It is true.

    THis thread makes me feel better knowing that there are others out there that get miffed for the same reason.

    How come we don't know each other? Why are there so few of us?

    Reading this it sounds a bit b*tchy but it really does live like this.
    “Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one.”
    ? Albert Einstein



  11. #31
    Join Date
    Dec. 23, 2008
    Location
    Afton, Virginia
    Posts
    204

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    I do the same thing!

    Quote Originally Posted by mht View Post
    You know what I love do to? If I hold the door for someone, and they don't say 'thank you', I, in a voice that can be heard, say 'you're welcome.'


    2 members found this post helpful.

  12. #32
    Join Date
    Sep. 19, 2008
    Location
    Half past the point of oblivion
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    924

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    We took my 4yo niece on vacation this summer with my SO's 4 young cousins, age 6-13. The adults were astonished that my niece said please and thank you to everything, plus voluntarily helped clear the table and pick up toys she hadn't played with. They agreed that girls are so much nicer and easier than boys there are no girl children in his entire extended family) while I noticed that not ONE time in an entire week were any of those boys prompted to be polite or helpful. They were, in fact, told multiple times to do every single thing, which they ignored until an adult screamed or did it for them.

    I'm no parent, but I've seen my sister deal with a LOT of attitude and recalcitrance at home. In public, my niece is BEAUTIFULLY mannered. Are girls really easier, or is it that my sister is doing the hard work to teach her child good behavior?

    Worst week of my life. Maddy went home after 3 days because she was terrified of all the screaming. Did I mention she's learned good behavior without yelling?
    Holy crap, how does Darwin keep missing you? ~Lauruffian



  13. #33
    Join Date
    Jul. 22, 2008
    Location
    Rochester, NY
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    2,035

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    Quote Originally Posted by mht View Post
    You know what I love do to? If I hold the door for someone, and they don't say 'thank you', I, in a voice that can be heard, say 'you're welcome.'
    Me too. I have also been known to say "THANK YOU" when having a door dropped in my face. Loudly.

    Quote Originally Posted by vacation1 View Post
    Sometimes, you just have to laugh it off. And sometimes, you have to just be realistic and know that when you're getting involved in a stranger's life - say, you
    pick up a dropped toy and restore it to the toddler's mommy - part of the reason you're doing it is that you want to be a certain kind of person. That's not diminished in any way if the other person fails to reciprocate. Maybe they're just having a bad day, or they're at the wrong age to "get" the effort you put into it, or whatever.

    The tack store story was atrocious, though.

    I agree in general but it is really disheartening that the lack of decency & manners seems to be so widespread. I'm 31, it really isn't generational; I'm not sure what it is but I've seen it from people in every age & income bracket.

    My own brother, who was raised with the same mores & societal installs as I was, is pretty notorious for being a rude jackass, especially to service people. It's positively humiliating to go out to eat with him. I have taken servers aside & apologized for his rudeness more than once. Not certain where the divergence was in our upbringings but it's results are painfully noticeable.
    bar.ka think u al.l. susp.ect
    free bar.ka and tidy rabbit



  14. #34
    Join Date
    Jul. 11, 2004
    Posts
    6,890

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    Haven't you paid attention? There is evidently a majority of the people who are owed everything they want, and it's up to the minority of the population to pay for them and do what they want. No gratitude is necessary when people do what they should do.
    "Sic Gorgiamus Allos Subjectatos Nunc"



  15. #35
    Join Date
    Aug. 14, 2000
    Location
    Rochester,NY,USA
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    Quote Originally Posted by mht View Post
    You know what I love do to? If I hold the door for someone, and they don't say 'thank you', I, in a voice that can be heard, say 'you're welcome.'
    I used to do the same thing at work.
    Sue
    Back in my day, we didn't have as many warning labels because people weren't so dang stupid!



  16. #36
    Join Date
    Mar. 3, 2007
    Location
    North-Central IL
    Posts
    3,581

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    It's disturbing, I've actually had people look at me funny when I say 'Thank You'... I shall not stoop to their level, occasionally someone appreciates it.
    Quarry Rat



  17. #37
    Join Date
    Oct. 26, 2000
    Location
    Tempe, AZ
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    1,790

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    Quote Originally Posted by axl View Post
    I'm no parent, but I've seen my sister deal with a LOT of attitude and recalcitrance at home. In public, my niece is BEAUTIFULLY mannered. Are girls really easier, or is it that my sister is doing the hard work to teach her child good behavior?
    I don't know if girls are easier, it's probably that your sister is doing hard work at home.

    DS has always been taught to say please/thank you/you're welcome/excuse me. If one of those phrases is warranted and isn't forthcoming, all it takes is a look and he pipes up.

    But, it takes constant reinforcement when they are young. And, I think, good modelling. We also talk about why things are or aren't polite.
    ~ Horse Box Lovers Clique ~


    1 members found this post helpful.

  18. #38
    Join Date
    Nov. 4, 2003
    Location
    Dallas, Georgia
    Posts
    16,674

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    While it is "everywhere," I keep repeating to myself: I am not responsible for their behavior, only my own.

    We all know the manners start at home when they're wee ones, but they still choose whether to exercise those manners as older humans.

    So, whether thanks are offered or not, I will still give, help, offer encouragement and an ear -- This is my calling <3
    <>< Sorrow Looks Back. Worry Looks Around. Faith Looks Up! -- "When they try to tell you these are your Golden years, don't believe 'em.... It's rust."



  19. #39
    Join Date
    Jul. 19, 2007
    Location
    Michigan
    Posts
    10,431

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    ...If someone did graphic design work for my small business, I would have expected to PAY them. If they refused, I'd take them to dinner or offer a piece from my jewelry (I make and sell steampunk jewelry, or resell antique and vintage pieces.) That's a lot of work and work that I can't do so it has tangible value to me and deserves MORE than a "thank you", though that would be a good start.


    2 members found this post helpful.

  20. #40
    Join Date
    Mar. 16, 2000
    Location
    Chatham, NY USA
    Posts
    4,100

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    Quote Originally Posted by mht View Post
    You know what I love do to? If I hold the door for someone, and they don't say 'thank you', I, in a voice that can be heard, say 'you're welcome.'
    Or when they let the door slam in your face, but they're still within earshot when you open it - "Thank you!"
    www.ayliprod.com
    Equine Photography in the Northeast



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