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  1. #1
    Join Date
    Aug. 14, 2000
    Location
    Rochester,NY,USA
    Posts
    7,488

    Unhappy Vent-I can't stand my brother! He's an idiot!

    Ok, to be fair to him, he does have his Phd in Psychology and he almost has one in Theater but he is so dam_ed frustrating that it's pathetic.

    I will not even begin to go into most of the stuff that drives me crazy about him but I will say that he has no common sense at all. For the record, I also have 2 cousins with their PhD's in Psych but they do seem to have common sense.

    The latest straw that is breaking my back - he's decided to come and visit me. He lives in AL and I'm in NY. He's coming in Dec and then heading to NYC for a round of Broadway shows.

    Anyway, he sends me an email that is 'supposed' to contain his flights. Nothing is attached. I reply that he forgot the attachment.

    Second email does contain an attachment but its ONLY for flight insurance. No indication of what day he's coming or time or airline. So I respond he attached flight insurance info and not flight info.

    He responses with 'What am I doing wrong?' and that it probably would be easier to just copy all the information and snail mail it to me. I respond that all he has to do is type in the day, time and airline info for when he comes and when he leaves.

    Come on now, how dam_ed hard is that to figure out.

    Please someone tell me that I'm not the only one with a problem famdamly member.....
    Sue
    Back in my day, we didn't have as many warning labels because people weren't so dang stupid!



  2. #2
    Join Date
    Jan. 9, 2006
    Location
    GA
    Posts
    2,415

    Default

    Nope, you're not. My 18 yr old is pysch major and has very little common sense. IQ is very high, but she is in her own world...and it makes me NUTS!!! I personally blame pysch for the majority of it. She used common sense a whole lot more before she took 2 yrs of pysch in high school...Why even have that class in high school??? Her teacher, though sweet, was one of those floaty I don't live in this world people too. My youngest has her this semester-then that it the end of that nonsense in highschool for my girls. I can't hack it!!!
    http://community.webshots.com/album/548368465RfewoU[/url]

    She may not have changed the stars from their courses, but she loved a good man, and she rode good horses….author unknown



  3. #3
    Join Date
    Jun. 24, 2005
    Location
    Alabama
    Posts
    8,776

    Default

    I don't know why they call it common sense, because it certainly isn't common. So many people don't have everyday reasoning and coping skills, and it seems more a matter of screw up enough times, and someone will do it for you.
    You can't fix stupid-Ron White


    1 members found this post helpful.

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Feb. 21, 2009
    Location
    Rootown!
    Posts
    2,108

    Default

    One of my students was working on a rough draft of her paper. As the period reached its end, she asked if she should save it or not
    No hour of life is wasted that is spent in the saddle. ~Winston Churchill
    For Hope, For Strength, For Life-Delta Gamma
    www.etsy.com/shop/joiedevivrecrafts Custom Wreaths and Other Decorations


    2 members found this post helpful.

  5. #5
    Join Date
    Dec. 11, 2002
    Location
    US
    Posts
    2,962

    Default

    My baby brother is a knucklehead! But if he expressed any interest in traveling 1,000+ miles to visit me, I would happily treat him as though he was 3 years old again, and do whatever hand holding I had to in order to spend time with him.
    I\'m not crazy. I\'m just a little unwell.


    2 members found this post helpful.

  6. #6
    Join Date
    Aug. 14, 2000
    Location
    Rochester,NY,USA
    Posts
    7,488

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Sobriska View Post
    My baby brother is a knucklehead! But if he expressed any interest in traveling 1,000+ miles to visit me, I would happily treat him as though he was 3 years old again, and do whatever hand holding I had to in order to spend time with him.
    Can I send you my brother please? Pretty please....
    Sue
    Back in my day, we didn't have as many warning labels because people weren't so dang stupid!



  7. #7
    Join Date
    Oct. 23, 2004
    Location
    Sisters, Oregon
    Posts
    1,909

    Default

    I envy your knuckleheads.... I truly dislike my Sister.
    Kanoe Godby
    www.dyrkgodby.com
    See, I was raised by wolves and am really behind the 8-ball on diplomatic issue resolution.



  8. #8
    Join Date
    Apr. 28, 2009
    Location
    Alberta's bread basket
    Posts
    1,605

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    Well, most of your should count your blessings. I WISH I had my sister or brother back again. My brother was an idiot, but he was my brother.

    My sister died of leukemia when she was 3. My brother died in a car accident when he was 32.

    Loss of life changes your perspective. You should be happy you still have some family. Once my parents pass on, I'm alone because we could not have kids either.
    https://www.facebook.com/MariposaSportHorses

    Practice! Patience! Persistence!


    7 members found this post helpful.

  9. #9
    Join Date
    May. 2, 2001
    Location
    Tallahassee, FL
    Posts
    4,686

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    I'm afraid I'd trade you too -- my brother has two undergrad degrees and a masters. He is working for $10 an hour retail, and not because he "can't" find a job. He just doesn't want to try. He's facing foreclosure, and my mom and my Aunt keep paying his bills, and saving his butt.

    Which, while irritating, isn't the biggest problem. I own the family home (built my great-great grandparents.) He was on the deed with me, but when I realized he was in financial trouble, I asked him to make good on a promise to sign the house over to me alone. Now, this is family property that can't ever be sold, so it isn't "worth" anything, other than to me, since I live in the house. I can't borrow against it and buy him out, and because I'm maintaining it, I have no money to buy him out. Nor, should I have to -- he got another piece of property and sold it to finance his living without a job already.

    In any event, I was worried about him possibly using my house as collateral to buy himself some time. He has no interest in my house, and has stated he would Never live here, and had already made a point of telling me that he had no problem with me owning the house alone.

    Now, he hates me. Won't have anything to do with me. As far as he's concerned, I don't exist. I understand, from others, that he feels cheated, and that I took something away from him.

    I don't know if it can ever be repaired. He really hates me. Sigh.
    *Proud member of the Hoof Fetish Clique*
    **********************************
    I have Higher Standards ...do you? Find us on FB!
    Higher Standards Custom Leather Care -- Handcrafted Saddle Soap



  10. #10
    Join Date
    Jun. 25, 2004
    Location
    Carolinas
    Posts
    4,880

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by rodawn View Post
    Well, most of your should count your blessings. I WISH I had my sister or brother back again. My brother was an idiot, but he was my brother.

    My sister died of leukemia when she was 3. My brother died in a car accident when he was 32.

    Loss of life changes your perspective. You should be happy you still have some family. Once my parents pass on, I'm alone because we could not have kids either.
    Well Said!
    "Never do anything that you have to explain twice to the paramedics."
    Courtesy my cousin Tim



  11. #11
    Join Date
    Jun. 14, 2006
    Location
    VA
    Posts
    11,372

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    While I definitely understand the sentiment of cherishing those you have as loss is horrible, even when sibling have lost siblings, that isn't always enough to get over "issues" and frankly, sometimes those issues are quite reasonable. My mom lost her 8 YO sister, then her 21 YO brother. My mom and her other brother aren't even on speaking terms these days. Her brother is a jerk. He's been a jerk to her, to me, to others in the family. And even when his partner of over 20 years died unexpectedly this year, it was quite difficult for any of us to do much more than send a card because we weren't even informed of the death until after the funeral was held. And yet, my uncle will tell anyone who will listen that we didn't attend the funeral because we're anti-gay. We didn't KNOW.

    So. Again, while I totally cherish my own brothers, and I understand feeling like people should count their lucky stars to have their family members alive and well, that doesn't mean people can't be frustrated with behavior.
    A good horseman doesn't have to tell anyone...the horse already knows.

    Might be a reason, never an excuse...


    6 members found this post helpful.

  12. #12
    Join Date
    Aug. 2, 2004
    Location
    Whidbey Is, Wash.
    Posts
    9,807

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    Yeah, I do kinda get tired of people who bash other people for wanting to vent about a family member. Yes, you have a loss and you miss someone. But not everyone has the same attachment to certain family members, and frankly you come off very condescending when you reply in that manner.

    I am not on speaking terms with my mother anymore. She was limited to Facebook only because emails were nasty and I just deleted them, texts were nasty, and phone calls were worse. She is a pathological liar with substance abuse problems who just recently told my DH he could go procreate with himself and that he was white trash. She has been nasty to me for about 70 percent of my life. She has told me, to my face, that she never wanted to be a mother and that she hated me. How many people here want to tell me that I'll miss that when she dies and I should cherish her now?

    I'm just curious.

    OP: it's frustrating to have to treat adults like children, when on the face of things they should be BRILLIANT. LOL. But then, I'm married...so I guess I get it?
    COTH's official mini-donk enabler

    "I am all for reaching out, but in some situations it needs to be done with a rolled up news paper." Alagirl


    8 members found this post helpful.

  13. #13
    Join Date
    Jun. 25, 2004
    Location
    Carolinas
    Posts
    4,880

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    Not meant to insult those with broken family relationships. In some perverse way, I appreciate the ok to great family relationships because of the nasty one.

    For me, it is a nudge to encourage people whose family relationships are bruised to find a way to reach some sort of resolution. It is easier to settle family disputes while living. Especially since for most of us, the problems are due to misinformation.

    Condolences for your situation. That is heartbreaking. I hope you have a good support group.
    "Never do anything that you have to explain twice to the paramedics."
    Courtesy my cousin Tim



  14. #14
    Join Date
    Jun. 14, 2006
    Location
    VA
    Posts
    11,372

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    TheJenners--I have hope that at some point, you and your mother will be able to reconcile. I have been estranged from my father for the better part of 20 years until just recently. I won't go into details here, but suffice it to say that the list of things that he did and didn't do that were hurtful, inappropriate, and illegal is long. However, we have started to communicate again and I really believe that he has changed. I may never get an apology, and I may never fully trust him, but I feel like I will have more peace should he pass knowing that we were getting on the right track. ((hugs))
    A good horseman doesn't have to tell anyone...the horse already knows.

    Might be a reason, never an excuse...



  15. #15
    Join Date
    Apr. 28, 2009
    Location
    Alberta's bread basket
    Posts
    1,605

    Default

    Please don't misunderstand. The key word I wrote was "MOST"... this means, "not all".

    There are some people in this world that have to be walked away from, even family members, because they exist to exact cruelty, meanness, and otherwise enjoy causing distress to others. Life is too short to be surrounded by sociopaths.

    The side effect of having lost family and close friends at far too young an age is double sided. There is little tolerance for the above people. There is more tolerance for those family that behave stupidly, who do not use their brains, and/or are otherwise being annoying, yes, be annoyed with them, but still cherish them.
    https://www.facebook.com/MariposaSportHorses

    Practice! Patience! Persistence!


    1 members found this post helpful.

  16. #16
    Join Date
    Jan. 17, 2008
    Location
    Dutchess County, New York
    Posts
    4,123

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    In this case, I side with Rodawn's view of the world (the Jenners, in your case I side with your view!).

    Hey, what is msj's brother doing that's so awful?? Failing to properly attach information to an email. So crucify him! :-)

    He's coming for a visit at presumably a fair amount of expense and effort on his part. So, he's bad at attaching things. Big deal! Msj, you are choosing to let this bother you. You don't have to.


    2 members found this post helpful.

  17. #17
    Join Date
    Mar. 27, 2011
    Location
    The Land of Buggies and Black Bumpers
    Posts
    955

    Default

    I almost lost my "baby" brother to a torn aorta in September. He had an 8% chance of surviving sugery. I am so thankful that he is still here. An e-mail minus attachments wouldn't even register as annoying!



  18. #18
    Join Date
    Aug. 14, 2000
    Location
    Rochester,NY,USA
    Posts
    7,488

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    Quote Originally Posted by SMF11 View Post
    In this case, I side with Rodawn's view of the world (the Jenners, in your case I side with your view!).

    Hey, what is msj's brother doing that's so awful?? Failing to properly attach information to an email. So crucify him! :-)


    He's coming for a visit at presumably a fair amount of expense and effort on his part. So, he's bad at attaching things. Big deal! Msj, you are choosing to let this bother you. You don't have to.
    The ONLY reason he's coming to visit is because he's heading to NYC to watch Broadway shows with friends he's meeting up with later. It's actually cheaper for him to make the trip to Rochester and then to NYC than to NYC alone. Airline fares can be crazy like that.

    Our famdamly has an expression my Aunt created. "I love you because you're my (insert relative-in my case Brother), but I don't like you as a person." Aunt created that due to a son that hurt the entire family many times over. I honestly feel pretty much the same way with my Brother. Not always, but most of the time.

    Last time he came he expected to be waited on hand and foot. Sorry but I've got a farm to maintain and I can't do that. I don't know about other people but if I'm visiting and staying with a friend or family (like at X-mas) I most certainy help out around the house, doing dishes, and most certainly taking them out to dinner so they don't have to cook. When he came last time we went out for lunch and he never even offered to pay the tip let alone the bill.

    I could go on for hrs and write some of the things he's done but I won't as he's not worth it.

    Again, don't get me wrong, I don't hate him and he's not done anything terribly awful, like robbing banks or killing people, but other than the fact we share the same blood and relatives, I have nothing in common with him. If he lived in the same town, we'd still just talk once/wk on the phone and leave it at that. To be honest, most of the time we call each other, I think, is to make sure the other person is alive!

    Yes, he's my only close relative as Mom and Dad are both dead and I'm sure there will be times I'll miss talking to him if he predeceases me , but not too often.
    Sue
    Back in my day, we didn't have as many warning labels because people weren't so dang stupid!


    2 members found this post helpful.

  19. #19
    Join Date
    Jul. 22, 2008
    Location
    Rochester, NY
    Posts
    2,035

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    You certainly aren't alone. My brother is a dick. Plain and simple. He is downright cruel to my parents & I, which is all the more unfortunate for him as his lack of social skills has left him with very, very few friends. We are pretty much all he's got and he treats us like complete dirt. If he was just a jerk to me it would be one thing, but his treatment of my parents is simply unbearable. If anyone else spoke to my parents the way he does, they would never find the body.

    I too could go on & on about what he has done, but it really isn't worth it. My Mother & I are quite certain he has an undiagnosed disorder along the lines of asbergers. His inability to read & respond appropriately to social cues, body language, etc is truly astounding. Smart guy, completely insufferable. If he was not my brother, no, i'd never speak to him.

    I understand and appreciate the sentiment that we need to cherish our loved ones, but it does get old. I can't say I'd miss being called a bitch for putting down MY 14 year old dog whos kidneys were failing, or watching him verbally chastise my Mother into tears because she tried to throw away a coffee mug with a massive crack in it, or listening to drawn out explanations of the root of all his problems- apparently my Dad didn't show him enough affection as a child. Can't say I'd miss having to hide knowledge of my out-of-town friends visits because he has a nasty habit of getting stalker-y on them long after they have politely expressed a lack of interest in spending precious visit time with him, who they know as an acquaintance and nothing more, or watching my Mother haul his laundry up four flights of stairs because he won't take it to a laundromat and insists that she take it home & do it, or apologizing for his behavior in public settings to baffled strangers.

    I love him, I do, but being a blood relative does not preclude one from being an ass.
    bar.ka think u al.l. susp.ect
    free bar.ka and tidy rabbit


    3 members found this post helpful.

  20. #20
    Join Date
    Jun. 24, 2005
    Location
    Alabama
    Posts
    8,776

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    There are some relationship ruptures that are repairable, at least minimally, and some that aren't. I think it's up to every person to decide for themselves if they want a relationship, and if they don't.

    A friend finally had to threaten her (at last count 5th) latest stepmother (who she's never met) with legal action, because the woman refuses to believe that anything her darling husband did was a reason for permanent estrangement. The man tried to kill her and her mother when my friend was a child, and if the neighbors wouldn't have physically stopped this man then my friend would be dead. I know that's an extreme case, but some relationships are so dysfunctional that it can't be repaired, and I think each person has to decide what they are willing to do to have a relationship with someone else.
    You can't fix stupid-Ron White


    2 members found this post helpful.

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