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  1. #21
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    Quote Originally Posted by Appsolute View Post
    Hum, you just need to find the right guy…. When I met mine (11 years ago), he said he was attracted to the fact that I was outdoorsy, tough, and that he liked the small scar on my chin (from a horse wreck of course).

    He is a mountain biker / motocross rider (was pro on the Mt. bikes at the time), and liked that I had my sport as well, which had a lot of similarities.

    Maybe you need to find a guy just as tough and as athletic as you are? For us, we can be “best friends” and enjoy the same things. His friends always bemoan about their girlfriends who like “shopping” and have extremely feminine interest (which disinterest the guys). While I am able to “hang with the guys” and enjoy the same things, despite being the opposite sex – I get the “hey Appsolute, tell my girl friend to chill out and be cool like you”.
    This. Been married to Mr P for 42 years. He had the day off, we went up to the Navy Yard for a retirement /change of command ceremony, saw some old friends, did a few errands and drove to the Equine Extravaganza where, oh he got a bonus, lets buy a new horse trailer.
    Wish I could clone him
    I wasn't always a Smurf
    Penmerryl's Sophie RIDSH
    "I ain't as good as I once was but I'm as good once as I ever was"
    The ignore list is my friend. It takes 2 to argue.


    1 members found this post helpful.

  2. #22
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    Men aren't being emasculated, they aren't leaving because they're feeling "cut off". Men don't fear strong competent women (which is used too often as an excuse for why a guy left vs. the real reason)...what you qualify as "strong" is the opposite.

    Ask these "emasculated" men how they'd describe the woman they left..."strong" would not the adjective to describe their ex-significant other.

    Guess what...Guys don't care how big a horse's penis is, we don't care about an animal's sex organs (funny how some women always bring this up...odd behaviour)...we don't look at a mare's hind end and make a comparative comment about women lacking or their not being able to wink like a mare can.

    Oh well...enjoy giving the thumbs down, doesn't make it any less truthful.
    "Sic Gorgiamus Allos Subjectatos Nunc"


    3 members found this post helpful.

  3. #23
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    Oct. 9, 2000
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    So Trakehner, from a man's point of view, what does make a man feel emasculated, so to speak? You've come here to tell many people how wrong they are . . . but what about telling the man's side of the story? Be helpful instead of . . . well, not helpful.

    Really, I don't think men give a crap about the size of a horse's penis, and I think you know that those comments were tongue-in-cheek. But how about being open and forthcoming with a man's side of the story?
    My Mustang Adventures - Mac, my mustang | Annwylid D'Lite - my Cob filly

    "A horse's face always conveys clearly whether it is loved by its owner or simply used." - Anja Beran


    1 members found this post helpful.

  4. #24
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    Apr. 9, 2004
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    Quote Originally Posted by buck22 View Post
    Finally, I think the loyalty to our horses might be the most emasculating aspect of all. I have zero hesitation reminding my SO that my heart horse of 17 years has outlasted every man that came before you, and he'll outlast you too. Though I'm being dramatic for the fun of it, its actually true and I think when that really resonates with a man, its slightly devastating to some of them. They rate lower than an animal. For horsey people, thats a given, our animals come first, thats horsemanship. But for a non horsey person, thats a tough idea to chew.
    I agree with Windsor this is probably the biggest issue. Putting your horse before your SO/kids/family is not horsemanship, and it's not emasculating--it's just wrong. Certainly if there was an emergency, that would be different. But if you're going to put an animal before a human being on a day-to-day basis, then you should not try to be in a relationship.


    2 members found this post helpful.

  5. #25
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    Jul. 21, 2006
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    Well, I'm a professional and a horsewoman but not a professional horsewoman.

    Anyway, with all due respect, some of the behavior described here is just rude, not a show of strength. When I see examples of it in my female friends it makes me want to avoid them - I can't imagine wanting to be in a relationship with someone who acted that way. If a man tried to order for me in a restaurant I'd have something else even if I hated it!

    At work, people pay me for my opinions. This is not the case at home. I try to remember that.


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  6. #26
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    I think emasculation is far from the truth. The real thing is lack of time to form a committed relationship or to carry one. Unless the other person is in the same industry and/or have a dedicated interest in it, relationships fail; the horse industry as a whole is littered with the debris of shattered marriages because the horsey spouse hasn't time for much else and the same can be said for farmers and catllemen...er cattle people. Even now, I find it difficult to relate to people not in the racing industry, there just is no common ground for conversation, certainly not enough to sustain anything more than a friendship.
    Founder of the Dyslexic Clique. Dyslexics of the world - UNTIE!!

    Member: Incredible Invisbles


    3 members found this post helpful.

  7. #27
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    Quote Originally Posted by carolprudm View Post
    Wish I could clone him
    If you do, will you please let us know?

    Quote Originally Posted by sk_pacer View Post
    I think emasculation is far from the truth. The real thing is lack of time to form a committed relationship or to carry one. Unless the other person is in the same industry and/or have a dedicated interest in it, relationships fail; the horse industry as a whole is littered with the debris of shattered marriages because the horsey spouse hasn't time for much else and the same can be said for farmers and catllemen...er cattle people. Even now, I find it difficult to relate to people not in the racing industry, there just is no common ground for conversation, certainly not enough to sustain anything more than a friendship.
    This is right on target. The riding, whether as a professional, or serious rider, takes up a great deal of time, is a lifestyle in fact, and the M/F numbers in the sport simply just don't balance.

    So it depends on their flexibility.

    Which means it depends on their ability to do their own thing, and not necessarily be needy. Unfortunately what my XH and XSO were. Pretty wrapped up, and not great at sharing others', even including childrens' priorities/time over the long haul.

    Just need more Mr Ps!
    Being right half the time beats being half-right all the time. Malcolm Forbes



  8. #28
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    Quote Originally Posted by ridingagain View Post
    I think horsewomen , in general, tend to be more independent and self-sufficient than most other women
    That's why, apart from having an activity to share, I only get involved with horsewomen. It pretty well sifts out the helpless, prissy and ineffectual women from the pool at the outset.
    If I knew what I were doing, why would I take lessons?

    "Things should be as simple as possible,
    but no simpler." - Einstein



  9. #29
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    Quote Originally Posted by Windsor1 View Post
    If a guy treated ME like this, I would be G-O-N-E.

    It's not about his actual feelings with regard to me versus his dog, for example. I know what it is to be pretty much in love with a pet. But if he felt the need to throw that in my face? Buh-bye.
    Yes!
    If I knew what I were doing, why would I take lessons?

    "Things should be as simple as possible,
    but no simpler." - Einstein



  10. #30
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    Dec. 21, 2008
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    Quote Originally Posted by PaintedHunter View Post
    Probably the failed relationships has more to do with the horse thing than a personality trait. In my experience, it takes a really special guy or gal to put up with horsey lifestyles and to be understanding of the time commitments and emotional components. I am lucky that my husband understands and even tries to learn. At a recent show, he asked when watching a round, "She was on the wrong lead, right?" I kissed him! (I'm not a pro though).

    Don't think it's necessarily you. If you think it is, ask a close friend to be TOTALLY HONEST with you, and accept what he or she says.
    There have been so many of these threads and you gals just don't seem to get it. It isn't the horses at all. It is you and the overwhelming need to be seen as an equal with men in every single way. You want to call the shots, set the limits, be the alpha in the relationship so you can control things. No wonder most men run without looking back after a few months!

    I married in my late 20's and I was self supporting, had 2 horses, and doing it all on my own too. I have a very strong will and can take care of myself. I had trouble finding a man I could respect because it seemed they caved in trying to please me.

    Men and women have different roles in a relationship. You must let the man lead. It doesn't mean you are not equal, or under valued as a person. It doesn't mean he makes all the decisions in the relationship either. It also doesn't mean that you have to change your personality in any way , or change your interests.

    You can have a husband and a full life with horses, you just need to have some balance. Let the man be a man. If he wanted a relationship with another man he wouldn't be interested in you would he?


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  11. #31
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    Candyappy why must a woman let a man lead? What is it about the male experience that prohibits a woman from leading? Is that the untold use of a penis, to 'point the way'?
    And if the man is in a leadership role solely because the woman has "let" him do so isn't that a bit like pandering to the oh so fragile male ego who cannot bear to be the second in command?
    (A decidedly unhorsey) MrB knocks over a feed bucket at the tack shop and mutters, "Oh crap. I failed the stadium jumping phase."
    (he does listen!)


    2 members found this post helpful.

  12. #32
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    Quote Originally Posted by bits619 View Post
    Candyappy why must a woman let a man lead? Is that the untold use of a penis, to 'point the way'?
    Why do you think we never ask for directions?
    Thus do we growl that our big toes have,
    at this moment, been thrown up from below!


    11 members found this post helpful.

  13. #33
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    Dec. 4, 2005
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    Crap! Lex, I meant to like your post but I fat fingered it and got the wrong one.
    The Knotted Pony

    Proud and upstanding member of the Snort and Blow Clique.



  14. #34
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    Quote Originally Posted by twotrudoc View Post
    Crap! Lex, I meant to like your post but I fat fingered it and got the wrong one.
    I will like it for you!!!



  15. #35
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    Lol! Man, there's one universal mystery solved, today has been a success! Thank lex! (I'm at work and actually snorted audibly... awkward)
    (A decidedly unhorsey) MrB knocks over a feed bucket at the tack shop and mutters, "Oh crap. I failed the stadium jumping phase."
    (he does listen!)


    1 members found this post helpful.

  16. #36
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    The trick with two alpha-types to borrow that abused term, is likely to be that either or both try to inject power into their relationship. Power may be just the right thing for the corporate or institutional world or other success, but it is poison on relationships, doubly so when both people get locked into a power struggle. It feels very strange to leave power at the threshold each day, at least at first.

    See Marty Groder and Pat Webster's book aimed at alpha males of the Erlandson type, 'Winning At Love'.
    If I knew what I were doing, why would I take lessons?

    "Things should be as simple as possible,
    but no simpler." - Einstein



  17. #37
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    May. 12, 2008
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    Quote Originally Posted by Pocket Pony View Post
    Relationships are (obviously) a two-way street. Where we may be able to demand things of our horses (not in a brutal way, but just expecting them to do what we ask), we need to negotiate and compromise with our human partners. While we may joke amongst ourselves about our toughness wrt our horsey lifestyles, I can't imagine that many men would want to have sex with a ball-buster or a woman who doesn't make them feel like a man.
    This is not so obvious for some people. Some people feel that all the bending should be at the hands of the other person. I see it a lot on these boards - as others have mentioned. I see it with men, also.

    Quote Originally Posted by andreab View Post
    I agree with Windsor this is probably the biggest issue. Putting your horse before your SO/kids/family is not horsemanship, and it's not emasculating--it's just wrong. Certainly if there was an emergency, that would be different. But if you're going to put an animal before a human being on a day-to-day basis, then you should not try to be in a relationship.
    I remember a thread many years ago, on here, where the woman was talking about living over a barn, in a place where there was no indoor plumbing. But is was OK for her AND HER CHILDREN to live in such poverty because at least she had a horse and at least she could compete....all I could think was what a horrible mother. Similar goes for relathionships.

    Quote Originally Posted by sk_pacer View Post
    I think emasculation is far from the truth. The real thing is lack of time to form a committed relationship or to carry one. Unless the other person is in the same industry and/or have a dedicated interest in it, relationships fail; the horse industry as a whole is littered with the debris of shattered marriages because the horsey spouse hasn't time for much else and the same can be said for farmers and catllemen...er cattle people. Even now, I find it difficult to relate to people not in the racing industry, there just is no common ground for conversation, certainly not enough to sustain anything more than a friendship.
    This is also true. If you looked at the statistics of women in time consuming professions, such as some doctors, lawyers, police force, you will likely find less married women and even less married outside the profession.


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  18. #38
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    Haven't read all the replies.

    IME and opinion FWIW -- if being capable of handing, training and living with a 1,000 lb. create of flight, and having the self-sufficiency of all that entails -- including the physical grunt work that comes with their housing and farm management, rain or shine = "emasculating", then one is with the wrong man.

    To feel like one has to 'be less' and artificially dumb down what one is good at, defines who one is and tamps down the passion (and then one's own identity) -- so the one you love to feel like they are 'more' happen sometimes. And in many relationships--and surely not only when horses are involved.

    No matter what one's life path or in any career as it affects ones mate is clearly important. But unless the SO understands that your happiness is just as important as his as what HE likes to do, it's a problem for sure. It's a no win.

    Horses (re: "emasculating") seems to me a facade about a deeper issue with your mate.

    Sometimes one just has to go "the road less traveled" when you hit a spot like this...or, conversely, understand and accept the concessions you are making to please someone else regarding their own insecurites. Then be happy with it.

    To me, LOVE is easy word to say, but a hard one to live up to. And it goes both ways and takes work on both sides.

    If loving and being loved is dependent upon one in the relationship feeling like they have to be less than who they really are to stay in the relationship, later in life bitterness can only ensue.

    Good luck -- tough spot. Been there, done that. I don't envy you.


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  19. #39
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    i think it's more about the emasculee than the emasculater.


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  20. #40
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    Quote Originally Posted by Trakehner View Post
    Men aren't being emasculated, they aren't leaving because they're feeling "cut off". Men don't fear strong competent women (which is used too often as an excuse for why a guy left vs. the real reason)...what you qualify as "strong" is the opposite.

    Ask these "emasculated" men how they'd describe the woman they left..."strong" would not the adjective to describe their ex-significant other.

    Guess what...Guys don't care how big a horse's penis is, we don't care about an animal's sex organs (funny how some women always bring this up...odd behaviour)...we don't look at a mare's hind end and make a comparative comment about women lacking or their not being able to wink like a mare can.

    Oh well...enjoy giving the thumbs down, doesn't make it any less truthful.
    Actually, a large portion of the male population is afraid of a smart strong woman. I see it all the time. The guys will claim they want a smart strong woman, but what they really want is a woman that is not quite as smart and strong as they are, one who won't embarrass them at a cocktail party.

    I am lucky, my husband is NOT one of those men. He is not threatened that I make way more money than he does. He is not threatened that I am more educated. He is not threatened when I go ride my horse or spend time at the barn.

    And before I met him, I did find other men not threatened by strong women. And the men in my family are the same way, but, the men in the general population? Sorry, they tend to have an issue....

    And no, it doesn't have anything to do with the naughty bits on a horse. It has to do with a woman that doesn't "need" them.


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