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  1. #21
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    Jan. 4, 2007
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    TX
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    I can be like a wound-up toy, turn the key a few times, let me go and I can go on and on and on.

    If you ask something I know about, I can give a lecture on it and not run out of things to say.
    Horses, dogs, music theory, farming, etc., better not ask, you may get dumped on with all kinds of information.
    That is not what people expect during small talk chatting, I finally learned.

    Now, living in the middle of the Bible Belt, I don't talk about religion or politics, those are taboos and fighting words.
    When those topics come up, I don't have an opinion.



  2. #22
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    Mar. 3, 2007
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    North-Central IL
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    I get tired of the, "What's wrong? What's the matter?" in groups, often in bars or at parties. Nothing is wrong, I just like to sit and listen and observe and contemplate rather than participate, and there are people that will. not. stop. poking! Hate that...
    Quarry Rat



  3. #23
    Join Date
    Jun. 7, 2002
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    3,991

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    I love this thread!
    I'm socially challenged too, always have been. The worst for me are those big functions such as my husband's work Christmas parties where I don't know anyone and everyone keeps asking me the same questions over and over. Now I just don't go with him anymore and he's fine with it, but before, I tried to make an effort until I could not stand it, and on one occasion, I told him that I was going home NOW and walked all the way home by myself (not far, 35 mn).

    I can just sit and listen, and be perfectly happy. Nothing wrong with silence. It's never uncomfortable to me, lol!

    I don't like talking on the phone, either, even to my family or best friends, unless I have something specific to say. No lengthy phone chit chat for me, I can't stand it.

    I'm much more comfortable writing things.
    Ottbs - The finish line is only the beginning!



  4. #24
    Join Date
    Jul. 22, 2008
    Location
    Rochester, NY
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    2,035

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    Yep. I HATE small talk and I am terrible at it. I loathe superfluous conversation for the sake of conversation. Wedding reception tables and other peoples work/family functions are my living nightmares.

    Part of my problem (in social situations... I seem to have a handle on this in professional settings) is that I have a very, very poor filter and am always looking to crack a joke... I get very paranoid about what is or is not appropriate in a given setting and end up just shutting down. I also really hate the obligatory "What do you do?" query in those sort of social events and get so loatheyhaterage about everyone going around the table pretending that they find a strangers accounting career fascinating that I forget how to talk. I know it's just an ice breaker, but I am genuinely upset by the implication that the only thing interesting about others is what they do to pay the bills. Could we, as a culture, switch to "What's your favorite book?" or "What are you passionate about?"?

    I am not what most would call an introvert, I'm just painfully bad at- and annoyed by- idle chit-chat
    bar.ka think u al.l. susp.ect
    free bar.ka and tidy rabbit


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  5. #25
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    Jul. 5, 2007
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    Beside Myself ~ Western NY
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    Quote Originally Posted by Melelio View Post
    I can hear my self saying "shut up, shut up SHUT UP!!!" in the back of my head....sometimes I listen
    I do that too!

    I wasn't diagnosed with ADD until I was in my early 30s, but I can still remember exact conversations as far back as high school where I said something totally lame and even the expressions on people's faces. I spent most nights from teenage through my early twenties trying in vain to fall asleep while agonising over my latest stupid remark.
    Why is it that a woman will forgive homicidal behavior in a horse, yet be highly critical of a man for leaving the toilet seat up?
    ~ Dave Barry



  6. #26
    Join Date
    Dec. 28, 2007
    Location
    Ontario
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    87

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    My problem isn't in meeting strangers...I could talk to a new person one-on-one all day probably!

    I have an issue with groups it seems. My comfort zone is 3-4 people. Any more than that, unless it's my group of closest friends, and I would rather just listen. It's funny, because in group settings, people I see most often alone often comment that I'm "being awfully quiet today".



  7. #27
    Join Date
    Jun. 19, 2009
    Posts
    750

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    Me! I'm much happier sitting back and observing and listening instead of talking. Even when I have something to contribute to a conversation, other people are usually much more talkative and I end up unable to get a word in. Easier to just listen and think-I can always bring up subjects that are important later when I'm in a smaller setting if I need to.

    Small talk. Yuck.
    the "I'm In My 20's and Hope to Be a Good Rider Someday" clique



  8. #28
    Join Date
    Oct. 1, 2004
    Location
    Magnolia, TX
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    5,779

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    Quote Originally Posted by Melelio View Post
    A4B, we sound very similar! I tell folks I'm an introvert, but I have developed motor mouth, sometimes foot in motormouth....
    Hahaha... yeah, that's me exactly. Once I put my foot in mouth, I tend to just keep going. No use trying to back track at that point. Might as well just hand me a shovel.
    Jer 29: 11-13



  9. #29
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    Oct. 1, 2004
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    Magnolia, TX
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    Quote Originally Posted by sparky6 View Post
    Me! I'm much happier sitting back and observing and listening instead of talking. Even when I have something to contribute to a conversation, other people are usually much more talkative and I end up unable to get a word in. Easier to just listen and think-I can always bring up subjects that are important later when I'm in a smaller setting if I need to.

    Small talk. Yuck.
    This, too. I'm chatty in small groups or one-on-one. It simply takes too much effort to try to win air time when everyone else is talking*, and it tends to be more interesting listening anyway. I've gotten more laughs being a fly on the wall than being in the middle.

    *I think this is why I like forums. No one has to read my comment, but I don't have to interrupt anyone or talk over anyone to utter it.
    Jer 29: 11-13



  10. #30
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    Mar. 25, 2011
    Location
    Canada
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    1,748

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    Make a seat for me in the quiet peoples section, I can't make small talk, I HATE talking on the phone with a passion, bad enough for business, but social chit chat UGHHHH.

    I am married to a man who talks, a lot, to everyone, anywhere, and now he doesn't go out much he talks all day at home, and I think I may have to kill him soon. He isn't having a conversation, just talking......

    There is nothing wrong with silence, I would happily exchange names with someone then sit there admiring the view, or watching people go by, or listening to conversations of others.
    I'm not sure if I grew out of stupid or ran out of brave.

    Practicing Member of the Not too Klassy for Boxed Wine Clique


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  11. #31
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    Apr. 5, 2012
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    669

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    Quote Originally Posted by Mosey_2003 View Post
    I get tired of the, "What's wrong? What's the matter?" in groups, often in bars or at parties. Nothing is wrong, I just like to sit and listen and observe and contemplate rather than participate, and there are people that will. not. stop. poking! Hate that...
    You must be my twin
    If i smell like peppermint, I gave my horse treats.
    If I smell like shampoo, I gave my horse a bath.
    If I smell like manure, I tripped.



  12. #32
    Join Date
    Jan. 4, 2012
    Location
    Central Texas
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    6

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    I have an inside joke amongst all my coworkers about how socially awkward I am. If I'm not comfortable with someone, I say the craziest stuff to fill up the silence. I just comes out like verbal diarrhea. Additionally, I do not like small talk, I don't think it's fun or that it achieves anything.

    I used to tell my significant other about my awkward moments, and he didn't believe me for the longest times because he had only seen how suave I am with my friends. Then one day I ran into an acquaintance unexpectedly and didn't know what to say so I got the verbal diarrhea.

    Just the other day I ran into a co-worker in my neighborhood. I asked who he was visiting and said "oh if he has a dog I've probably seen him at the dog park." WTF lol seriously, why was that what came out?



  13. #33
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    Dec. 21, 2008
    Location
    Missouri
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    2,202

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    There is nothing worse than being trapped by someone blabbering non stop about things nobody cares about, just to make noise. I can do that , but I don't speak unless I have something to say.

    Usually if I have something in common( even very minor) with someone the conversation is easy . I can ask a ton of questions to keep it going, but I won't remember their answers anyways.

    There is nothing wrong with a comfortable silence and if you are standing with someone and get uncomfortable, I just say "excuse me" and move on.



  14. #34
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    May. 2, 2001
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    Tallahassee, FL
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    I have ADD so while I can be interested and ask the right questions, I have a hard time actually listening to the answers and responding appropriately. I usually respond too quickly, so I end up interrupting... very frustrating. Then I flat out lose words.

    Conseqently, I tend to monopolise the conversation as a cover up for the socially awkward difficulties and come across as extroverted when I'm really not. Forunately I am told I am very witty and funny... Thank God for minor miracles.
    Yes! This is me -- though I wasn't diagnosed ADD until 2 months ago. Between that, and finally figuring out that I'm an introvert (and that is ok) so many things make sense now!

    My mother is a social butterfly type, and my father was also very social, so I've spent much of my life feeling defective because I didn't like parties, and LOATHE gatherings where I have to make small talk with people I don't know well, and the environment really isn't conducive to getting to know people better.

    People argue with me about the introverted thing, as I do come across as extroverted much of the time, but that is a) pretty much fake, and b) exhausting to pull off.

    Susan Harris' book _Quiet_ is fantastic if anyone is interested in reading it. She makes the point that forums/email/internet in general is a Godsend for introverts.
    *Proud member of the Hoof Fetish Clique*
    **********************************
    I have Higher Standards ...do you? Find us on FB!
    Higher Standards Custom Leather Care -- Handcrafted Saddle Soap


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  15. #35
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    Jan. 4, 2007
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    TX
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    Quote Originally Posted by Bensmom View Post
    Yes! This is me -- though I wasn't diagnosed ADD until 2 months ago. Between that, and finally figuring out that I'm an introvert (and that is ok) so many things make sense now!

    My mother is a social butterfly type, and my father was also very social, so I've spent much of my life feeling defective because I didn't like parties, and LOATHE gatherings where I have to make small talk with people I don't know well, and the environment really isn't conducive to getting to know people better.

    People argue with me about the introverted thing, as I do come across as extroverted much of the time, but that is a) pretty much fake, and b) exhausting to pull off.

    Susan Harris' book _Quiet_ is fantastic if anyone is interested in reading it. She makes the point that forums/email/internet in general is a Godsend for introverts.
    (Responding to the bolded.) Who would have thought that?



  16. #36
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    Jul. 5, 2007
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    Beside Myself ~ Western NY
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    7,372

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    LOVE the internet. I can quadruple check what I am trying to say. I can Google words and check references. I can even go back 10 minutes later and change it!

    Bliss!

    You know, I am a story teller. I get it from my grandmother and she got it from her father. When something happens to me that I am looking forward to telling, I immediately begin rehearsing it in my mind. I work out the big words and turns of phrase, solve the inconsistancies and memorise the plot points.

    It can be something rather drawn out that will serve for cocktail party conversation for a decade, or it might be something as mundane and immediate as explaining to my husband what I've done to the tractor. A large percentage of things I say in the course of the day have been rehearsed at least two or three times.

    Sometimes I feel like my life is one long stand up routine. I think that is an ADD coping mechanism. It sure helps in conversation. But steer me off my script, and suffer from my ad libs.
    Why is it that a woman will forgive homicidal behavior in a horse, yet be highly critical of a man for leaving the toilet seat up?
    ~ Dave Barry


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  17. #37
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    Sep. 18, 2008
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    239

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    Quote Originally Posted by Rubyfree View Post
    Yep. I HATE small talk and I am terrible at it. I loathe superfluous conversation for the sake of conversation. Wedding reception tables and other peoples work/family functions are my living nightmares.

    Part of my problem (in social situations... I seem to have a handle on this in professional settings) is that I have a very, very poor filter and am always looking to crack a joke... I get very paranoid about what is or is not appropriate in a given setting and end up just shutting down. I also really hate the obligatory "What do you do?" query in those sort of social events and get so loatheyhaterage about everyone going around the table pretending that they find a strangers accounting career fascinating that I forget how to talk. I know it's just an ice breaker, but I am genuinely upset by the implication that the only thing interesting about others is what they do to pay the bills. Could we, as a culture, switch to "What's your favorite book?" or "What are you passionate about?"?
    You must be my twin, although I am an unabashed introvert. I hate the "what do you do" crap too, although I enjoy rephrasing it back to whomever asked the question as "and how do YOU sell your hours?"

    I like to listen, in part because I'm picky about friends and acquaintances; listening allows people to reveal themselves.

    Unless booze. Then I like the chit-chat.

    This is the best piece I've ever read about introverts - it is funny and wise.
    http://www.theatlantic.com/magazine/...rovert/302696/


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  18. #38
    Join Date
    Nov. 16, 2000
    Location
    Concord, NH
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    4,999

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    I occasionally have to go to cocktail party type things for work and while I find them excruciating if I have to walk up to a total stranger and start a conversation, I have to admit the Dale Carnegie training I was sent to was helpful.

    Do not ask yes/no questions.

    Everyone is from somewhere - ask where the person is from. If they give you a one-word answer (or 2 if it's New Haven) you can then ask what it was like, why they moved away/what brought them here etc. Offer something you know or that you know nothing.

    Everyone has a family - if they have kids you're golden b/c they will talk about them for ever. If not, (and neither do you) there's something in common. If you do and they don't MOVE ON.

    Everyone has an occupation/profession - not a "job", esp in this economy but they do something with their day.

    Etc...
    You ask the questions, they talk, if nothing else you've killed 5 minutes and can move on saying 'it was so nice to meet you and I don't want to take up all your time this evening'. If it works, you have a nice conversation with someone.


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  19. #39
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    May. 2, 2001
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    Tallahassee, FL
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    Love the _Caring for Your Introvert_ article. Also one of my favorites: http://www.xojane.com/relationships/...just-introvert -- Lesley Kinzel.

    I have waited for years to see when I was going to develop a love for going to parties, as I thought it was just something that I would grow up and figure out.
    *Proud member of the Hoof Fetish Clique*
    **********************************
    I have Higher Standards ...do you? Find us on FB!
    Higher Standards Custom Leather Care -- Handcrafted Saddle Soap



  20. #40
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    Jul. 15, 2003
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    2,655

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    I've always had trouble with conversations. I'm shy and I really don't hear well. I've gotten much better over time, but I can't help but feel like I'm a big pretender half the time - usually, I'd much rather crawl under a rock and hide.

    I keep making myself talk to people, though. I show my little Cavaliers, and they are such an appealing little dog that many people will ask me about them. I always take the time to talk to these people and share my dogs with them. I have to talk to people at work, too, so I get plenty of practice!
    Don't tell me about what you can't do. That's boring. Show me what you can do. - Mom



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