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  1. #1
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    Apr. 5, 2012
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    Default Anybody else bad at conversation?

    I'm bad at having conversations. I'm good at listening, but I can't always start a conversation or keep one interesting/alive because I never have much to say.

    Anybody else have this problem? Any tips for being better at having conversations?
    If i smell like peppermint, I gave my horse treats.
    If I smell like shampoo, I gave my horse a bath.
    If I smell like manure, I tripped.


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  2. #2
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    I suck at conversations I am an introvert and it's just a lot of work to be social. haha!

    That being said, I've found that by asking questions about the other person, you can usually keep things going. People usually like to talk about themselves.
    "Farming looks mighty easy when your plow is a pencil, and you're a thousand miles from the corn field." --Dwight D Eisenhower

    Boston Terrier Rescue of NC - www.btrnc.org - Adopt for Life!


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  3. #3
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    Apr. 19, 2006
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    Introvert here too...just not chatty. As I started working I had to develop social talking skills though, so I started planning ahead before social functions. I come up with a few "get to know you" questions that I can pull out when meeting someone new, and a few timely but neutral news topics to talk about. It helps you feel more comfortable if you are prepared.


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  4. #4
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    Mar. 5, 2007
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    Default

    I hate small talk, does that count? Also, I hate being asked questions. I'd rather listen to someone else talk. That sounds weird.


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  5. #5
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    Jan. 4, 2007
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    TX
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    Being hard of hearing, when I have to chat, I tend to carry the conversation, because much of the time I can't tell if others are still talking or have the foggiest idea about what they are talking about.

    I like it when I find someone that talks nine miles a minute and answers itself, so I don't have to try to guess what that is all about.



  6. #6
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    Oct. 12, 2001
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    I've found that by asking questions about the other person, you can usually keep things going. People usually like to talk about themselves.
    I personally hate it when people ask me questions about myself, so I feel uncomfortable asking other people the same type of questions.



  7. #7
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    Nov. 17, 2006
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    I find it helps to be up-to-date on current events. That way if someone is having a conversation, you at least know what they are talking about and can chip in if you need to. Glance at all the headlines every day even if it's not all that interesting to you. But I find being aware of the world helps with communication.
    “Be yourself; everyone else is already taken.”
    ¯ Oscar Wilde



  8. #8
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    Sep. 23, 2002
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    Eastern MA
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    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by ohrebecca View Post
    I hate small talk, does that count? Also, I hate being asked questions. I'd rather listen to someone else talk. That sounds weird.
    Yup, that's me too!



  9. #9
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    Mar. 3, 2007
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    North-Central IL
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    Introvert here too. Best I can do is ask questions until something strikes a chord and I can share something. It's difficult!
    Quarry Rat



  10. #10
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    Feb. 19, 2009
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    I tend to ask questions. Or, depending on where I am or who I'm talking to, I can usually come up with some generic question based on where we are, what they're wearing, etc etc.

    Like if I'm meeting a woman for the first time and we've been introduced I might say something like "Oh, I really like your earrings!" and that usually transfers over into a not too uncomfortable conversation



  11. #11
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    Oct. 1, 2004
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    Magnolia, TX
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    I was always an introvert, but I seem to be losing that trait more and more. In a crowd, I almost never talk. No need. Awkward silences in small groups are almost unbearable though, and someone has to break it. Asking questions or commenting on the obvious usually does the trick.

    It seems I'm slowly turning into my dad. He's never met a stranger and can get away with saying almost anything. I'm not one to remember names and faces (I never remember anyone till we meet 4-5 times) and am not inclined to randomly approach people I don't know, but according to my husband, I've lost all sense of shame in conversation.
    Jer 29: 11-13


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  12. #12
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    Jul. 5, 2007
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    I have ADD so while I can be interested and ask the right questions, I have a hard time actually listening to the answers and responding appropriately. I usually respond too quickly, so I end up interrupting... very frustrating. Then I flat out lose words.

    Conseqently, I tend to monopolise the conversation as a cover up for the socially awkward difficulties and come across as extroverted when I'm really not. Forunately I am told I am very witty and funny... Thank God for minor miracles.
    Why is it that a woman will forgive homicidal behavior in a horse, yet be highly critical of a man for leaving the toilet seat up?
    ~ Dave Barry


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  13. #13
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    Oct. 29, 2007
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    I'm of the opinion that while extroverts may have a social advantage with strangers, introverts can totally catch up with practice. And a LOT of people appreciate someone who's a good listener.

    I'm an introvert and was almost painfully shy in high school, but between college, solo traveling a lot (read: making friends in hostels), and online dating I've gotten to the point where I can find SOMETHING to talk about. I'm still not horribly good at pulling another shy person out of their shell.

    If it's something you want to work on, look for a club to join like through meetup.com. That way you're interacting with strangers who have a guaranteed shared interest. Or make a goal to strike up a conversation with 1 stranger every day, whether it's at the grocery store or someone in a different department at work.

    You know how conversation doesn't seem to flag as much with close friends/family? Next time you're with them, pay attention to the conversation "track." You may not be talking about some big political issue, it could just be something stupid like "I never understand why people like X product so much." but because you're comfortable with them you just comment on anything you want. Next step is feeling comfortable sharing that type of comment with people in broader circles.
    "Things turn out best for the people who make the best of the way things turn out." ~John Wooden

    Phoenix Animal Rescue



  14. #14
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    Oct. 14, 2006
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    Quote Originally Posted by SmartAlex View Post
    I have ADD so while I can be interested and ask the right questions, I have a hard time actually listening to the answers and responding appropriately. I usually respond too quickly, so I end up interrupting... very frustrating. Then I flat out lose words.

    Conseqently, I tend to monopolise the conversation as a cover up for the socially awkward difficulties and come across as extroverted when I'm really not. Forunately I am told I am very witty and funny... Thank God for minor miracles.
    This is exactly me! I was only diagnosed at 27 (I'm 30), which explains a lot now. But I often find it hard to concentrate on what people are saying (they.just.talk.too.damn.slow) so I either try to make the conversation go faster by occasionally finishing sentences when they pause or by interrupting. Both of which, often have me apologizing the to the person whose thoughts I'm interrupting/finishing.

    Like you, I'm often told I'm funny and witty so at least I don't come off as rude and socially awkward, even though most of the time that's exactly how I feel!

    When I say I'm shy or don't feel comfortable in a certain social situation, my friends will laugh and tell me I'm the most out going person...even after I've tried to explain it's actually my ADD and anxiety that make me appear that way.



  15. #15
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    Nov. 16, 2001
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    Me!!

    Mostly, I feel like the biggest social retard EVER.
    *&*&*&*&*&*&*&*&*&*&*&*&*&*&*&
    "Show me the back of a thoroughbred horse, and I will show you my wings."
    &*&*&*&*&*&*&*&*&*&*&*&*&*&*&*&



  16. #16
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    Apr. 17, 2002
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    Quote Originally Posted by SmartAlex View Post
    I have ADD so while I can be interested and ask the right questions, I have a hard time actually listening to the answers and responding appropriately. I usually respond too quickly, so I end up interrupting... very frustrating. Then I flat out lose words.

    Conseqently, I tend to monopolise the conversation as a cover up for the socially awkward difficulties and come across as extroverted when I'm really not. Forunately I am told I am very witty and funny... Thank God for minor miracles.
    I don't have a dx of ADD but I can relate to this. I am getting better. If I ask a question or two, and encounter a talker, I let 'em talk

    HOWEVER- if I ask about a neutral topic, rather than ask a person about themselves...and I get short, terse, one or two word answers (example: I'm in the south, and maybe this time of year I'll ask about football. If the answer is 'I don't watch it.' Period. Then I'm stuck with someone lacking the simple sense to say ANYTHING else- like maybe 'you know, not a football fan. I never really understood the attraction, LOL' then at least I have a bridge back to me, rather than a moat of nothing between us.

    I don't love to talk about me, but I can manage it without shutting the other person down. I just offer them a bridge to chat about something else. No bridge, no chat...awkward...


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  17. #17
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    Feb. 5, 2012
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    Midwest
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    Default

    ME! I am the most socially-awkward thing ever. I so often get comments (or people say things to people I'm close to) about how I look unhappy or quiet or I'm not that approachable. Now, I don't feel that way - I be having a perfectly okay day, but apparently something about my demeanor just puts people off. Add in the fact that I am TERRIBLE at conversation and it just makes social situations very uncomfortable.



  18. #18
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    May. 21, 2004
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    N. TX...just N.East of paradise...
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    Quote Originally Posted by Aggie4Bar View Post
    I was always an introvert, but I seem to be losing that trait more and more. In a crowd, I almost never talk. No need. Awkward silences in small groups are almost unbearable though, and someone has to break it. Asking questions or commenting on the obvious usually does the trick.

    It seems I'm slowly turning into my dad. He's never met a stranger and can get away with saying almost anything. I'm not one to remember names and faces (I never remember anyone till we meet 4-5 times) and am not inclined to randomly approach people I don't know, but according to my husband, I've lost all sense of shame in conversation.
    A4B, we sound very similar! I tell folks I'm an introvert, but I have developed motor mouth, sometimes foot in motormouth....And I used to be a good listener (because I didn't want to talk or couldn't figure out how to start a conversation), but now, not so good...I interrupt too much....

    That said, I guess I like to comment on something I like about or on the person I'm talking with, then that seems to lead to something else, and, if we are both ok socially, we can talk for a few minutes, unless my big walk-all-over mouth gets wagging....I DO, in the back of my head, realize what I'm doing, and have learnd to monitor myself third personlike, and can shut me down...usually....
    "As a rule we disbelieve all the facts and theories for which we have no use."- William James
    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

    Proud member of the Wheat Loss Clique.



  19. #19
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    May. 21, 2004
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    Quote Originally Posted by SmartAlex View Post
    I have ADD so while I can be interested and ask the right questions, I have a hard time actually listening to the answers and responding appropriately. I usually respond too quickly, so I end up interrupting... very frustrating. Then I flat out lose words.

    Conseqently, I tend to monopolise the conversation as a cover up for the socially awkward difficulties and come across as extroverted when I'm really not. Forunately I am told I am very witty and funny... Thank God for minor miracles.
    OOh Yeah, exactly! And I was once diagnosed ADD.....I believe I'm not VERY ADD, but that stuff creeps in alot....

    I can hear my self saying "shut up, shut up SHUT UP!!!" in the back of my head....sometimes I listen
    "As a rule we disbelieve all the facts and theories for which we have no use."- William James
    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

    Proud member of the Wheat Loss Clique.



  20. #20
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    Apr. 5, 2012
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    Quote Originally Posted by ohrebecca View Post
    I hate small talk, does that count? Also, I hate being asked questions. I'd rather listen to someone else talk. That sounds weird.
    This pretty much sums me up! It kind of works out because a lot of my friends just talk a lot. But even they run out of things to say and that's where I have problems
    If i smell like peppermint, I gave my horse treats.
    If I smell like shampoo, I gave my horse a bath.
    If I smell like manure, I tripped.



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