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  1. #21
    Join Date
    Nov. 2, 2001
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    In Trouble with Dad...
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    29,997

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    Quote Originally Posted by twotrudoc View Post
    You come too, we'll tear that boy up!
    LOL, he'll go gay after!

    I can't stand creeps like that!
    (had a girlfriend in high school, her BF was a jerk like that. Golly did he ever get it from me and the other girl in our little group!
    Eventually my friend (or him, not sure) broke it off, but not until she almost failed to graduate because of him!)
    I'm game!
    Quote Originally Posted by Mozart View Post
    Personally, I think the moderate use of shock collars in training humans should be allowed.


    2 members found this post helpful.

  2. #22
    Join Date
    Dec. 4, 2005
    Location
    washington state
    Posts
    5,650

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    Hurray!
    The Knotted Pony

    Proud and upstanding member of the Snort and Blow Clique.



  3. #23
    Join Date
    Feb. 4, 2009
    Location
    NCC DE
    Posts
    2,099

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    Quote Originally Posted by Bedazzle View Post
    I feel as though this relationship has left me stranded and I'm too scared to get out. Fighting is multiple times daily, and if I even mention leaving he tells me he is calling the cops to supervise my exit and then he starts throwing all of my stuff out the door. In the effort to save my stuff and my sanity I try to repair the relationship so that I won't have to deal with the situation at the moment.

    Any advice or words of support?
    He's starting to cut you off of any support system you have and is also undermining your confidence and making you question your judgement. That's abusive and it's likely to escalate.

    Call your parents, tell them you need to come home. Pack your stuff when it's safe for you to do so, take what you need, write the rest off. Call the sheriff or police if you feel you need an escort, or have your parents or some co-workers help you. He's less likely to pitch a fit if there are plenty of others around.

    Then get out. If you can don't let him know about it ahead of time, just go.

    You've only been in this a year and you recognize that it's bad. Don't consider it wasted time, consider it to be a good lesson learned.


    12 members found this post helpful.

  4. #24
    Join Date
    Jun. 30, 2006
    Location
    SF Bay Area, California
    Posts
    4,093

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    I agree with what everyone has posted. I was in a bad relationship years ago and despite the advice of my friends and family I stayed longer than I should have. I was living with the guy, and packed up my belongings while he was away and never looked back. He did call and left messages to threaten me, then begged me to come back but I never took his calls.

    There is no shame in moving back in with your parents, and based on the comments I've seen thus far, you will have plenty of support from your COTH interwebs "friends".

    PM me if you want to talk.

    Hugs.
    Proud owner of a Slaughter-Bound TB from a feedlot, and her surprise baby...!
    http://i42.photobucket.com/albums/e350/Jen4USC/fave.jpg
    http://i42.photobucket.com/albums/e3...SC/running.jpg


    2 members found this post helpful.

  5. #25
    Join Date
    Nov. 10, 2008
    Location
    Gillett PA
    Posts
    235

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    Let your parents know what is going on..take a day off from work to get your stuff moved out. but GTFO and do it yesterday.


    3 members found this post helpful.

  6. #26
    Join Date
    Jun. 15, 2010
    Posts
    2,245

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    It is really brave of you to admit that the relationship has turned bad and that you want out. I hope that everything goes smoothly but please be prepared for him to put up a fight. If possible, go in with at least one other person and a plan on how to pack everything up efficiently and get out as quickly as possible.

    Don't get bogged down into trying to explain the whys of your decision. He isn't going to understand nor does he want to understand. He's just going to try and turn things back around on you.

    Stay safe.


    4 members found this post helpful.

  7. #27
    Join Date
    Mar. 30, 2009
    Location
    CA to Costa Rica to WI
    Posts
    735

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    Just providing more support.

    As several others have said, many of us have been there, done that. You are NOT stupid for not listening to friends and family earlier. You ARE smart for getting out now. Abusive relationships are extremely complicated, and you cannot fault yourself for not leaving earlier because you're leaving now, and that's what's important.

    As for your exit strategy: Definitely have someone there when you leave. This accomplishes several things 1) two people can carry more stuff 2) he might throw less of a fit if there's someone else there, and 3) and possibly the most important, they will help ensure that you leave, and not let you get manipulated back in. And don't be afraid to contact the police if it starts to go downhill (yelling and throwing stuff is downhill). That's what they're there for.

    If your parents can't help, get a coworker, neighbor, COTHer, or someone from a women's help organization. There are plenty of people willing to help you.

    And then when you do leave, make a clean break. There will be days when you are lonely, and he seems like the only person to talk too. There may be days you miss him and wonder if leaving was worth it. You may find "legitimate" reasons you need to talk to him. DON'T CONTACT HIM. EVER. It may suck, but feeling sad, lonely, or broke hearted for a while is OK. Walking away completely will make the healing process faster. And it does heal, I promise.

    Finally, I cannot reiterate enough to reach out. Here, at home, support groups, whatever. You don't have to be alone. And feel free to PM me if you want.
    Proud member of the "I'm In My 20's and Hope to Be a Good Rider Someday" clique

    Fourteen Months Living and Working in Costa Rica


    7 members found this post helpful.

  8. #28
    Join Date
    Sep. 24, 2006
    Location
    Virginia
    Posts
    965

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    Agree with everyone here.
    Pack up as much of your stuff as you can without it being noticed. Get some cardboard boxes and fill them up and hide them somewhere that he doesn't go (attic maybe?) and when its time to move out it, it will be faster.
    Please don't pack up your things alone! Have your parents or a male friend go with you.

    Men like this typically turn physically abusive at some point. Don't mess around with this bad egg any longer. You deserve better!!


    1 members found this post helpful.

  9. #29
    Join Date
    Sep. 23, 2009
    Posts
    541

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    I don't know where you are, but if you are within a few hours of Jacksonville, Florida, drop me a pm. I'll come help you move out. If needed, I can bring a big dog who doesn't like men. He has come in handy a time or two.


    10 members found this post helpful.

  10. #30
    Join Date
    Sep. 2, 2005
    Location
    Upstate NY
    Posts
    11,263

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    Suggest you video tape as much of the exit as you can. Even if you are doing it when he is not there. Video tape what you take and what you leave behind. This will help you if he proclaims you trashed the place or such. Witnesses are great too.
    Love the idea of you taking a day off from work, get some people to help (in a case like this I am guessing your friend(s) and family can easily find people to help) and get out of there.



  11. #31
    Join Date
    Jun. 24, 2005
    Location
    Alabama
    Posts
    7,455

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    Wait til he leaves, call your relatives or even ask the neighbors to help you load everything up. Virtually anyone would help you leave, and I don't mean a neat pack up either, it's only ten minutes to your parents place so toss everything in the car, and leave without even a note. Leave the key, and leave him behind. If he comes to your parents place then call the cops to help him get the message. Don't talk, email, friend or any other contact with him. Just be glad you left before you got married, pregnant, or until he beat the snot out of you.

    The loneliest feeling is feeling stuck, and sleeping next to someone you hate, so get out now and don't look back.
    You can't fix stupid-Ron White


    1 members found this post helpful.

  12. #32
    Join Date
    Jul. 11, 2004
    Posts
    6,557

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    "....The down side is I will have to move back with my parents until I can get back on my feet. I also have very little in the way of a support system."

    So...just who is the babysitter in this relationship?

    Leave, he deserves an adult female, you deserve to be happy.
    "Sic Gorgiamus Allos Subjectatos Nunc"


    1 members found this post helpful.

  13. #33
    Join Date
    Jan. 4, 2008
    Location
    Columbus, OH
    Posts
    685

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    Haha, quite amusing Trakehner, I do use him as a friend. However, when his Dad puts it upon me to make sure my boyfriend is taking his meds daily, then I also have to call his doctor for prescription renewals, plan his Dr appts, go to therapy with him, do the dishes, every bit of laundry, all cleaning, drive him everywhere because he doesn't think his car is safe, he calls me 10X a day asking me how to do his job at work because its too stressful on him, making sure I take care of and monitor his bank account because the stress it causes him to look for himself is too much to bear, listen to him rant about every little thing, set him alarms for him in the morning, etc.

    You get the point. Tell me who the babysitter is.


    16 members found this post helpful.

  14. #34
    Join Date
    Jun. 24, 2005
    Location
    Alabama
    Posts
    7,455

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    Being a grown person's babysitter sounds like a lousy job, but he truly sounds like a case of arrested development, and I think it's about age 10. Time to move home, dump him, and let his dad babysit him. Expect him and the dad to call and whine. Change your cell phone number, if you have a landline block their calls, and tell them you're filing police charges for harassment and trespassing if either of them don't get the message.
    You can't fix stupid-Ron White



  15. #35
    Join Date
    Jan. 4, 2008
    Location
    Columbus, OH
    Posts
    685

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    Yeah, I've realized over the last year that just because someone is gorgeous doesn't mean they are a gorgeous person. He puts on a damn good show though before he starts dating you. Sigh.


    2 members found this post helpful.

  16. #36
    Join Date
    May. 11, 2004
    Posts
    2,350

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    Quote Originally Posted by Bedazzle View Post
    Haha, quite amusing Trakehner, I do use him as a friend. However, when his Dad puts it upon me to make sure my boyfriend is taking his meds daily, then I also have to call his doctor for prescription renewals, plan his Dr appts, go to therapy with him, do the dishes, every bit of laundry, all cleaning, drive him everywhere because he doesn't think his car is safe, he calls me 10X a day asking me how to do his job at work because its too stressful on him, making sure I take care of and monitor his bank account because the stress it causes him to look for himself is too much to bear, listen to him rant about every little thing, set him alarms for him in the morning, etc.

    You get the point. Tell me who the babysitter is.
    I have a friend who is in the exact situatin and is unfoatonally married to slug. Ihave been listening to her fo years how she is tiered of him and how she is going to divorce him, but she always takes him back. He unlike your BF also accuse her of sleeping around and their children are not his etc. He also dosen allowher to take any phone calls when he gets home from work and he refuse to work anything above fast food though he went tough a progame for cullary arts in college.
    Get out now while you can. You can do better than my friend who feels like she is stuck because of the kids.
    Friend of bar .ka



  17. #37
    Join Date
    Jul. 11, 2004
    Posts
    6,557

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    Quote Originally Posted by Bedazzle View Post
    Haha, quite amusing Trakehner, I do use him as a friend.
    You're not a babysitter, you're a psychiatric nurse. And he was attractive...why?

    Remember, you don't have to do any of this, it's your choice. Just say no. The relationship offers something you need or you wouldn't still be there.
    "Sic Gorgiamus Allos Subjectatos Nunc"


    3 members found this post helpful.

  18. #38
    Join Date
    Jan. 4, 2008
    Location
    Columbus, OH
    Posts
    685

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    Well of course it offers something. Companionship, however demented it is, and sex. Both of which I could have in a much more rewarding and enjoyable relationship.

    The back story, which can be found in old off topic posts of mine, is that we dated when we were 17/18 and things were OK. He lost his mom suddenly at 16, and that along with ADHD and ODD made him start acting out at everyone, especially his dad who after a year decided to start seeing someone new. He starting being violent and damaging property, so along with my hints to his dad that he needed help NOW, his dad decided to send him to Outward Bound in Utah for 10 weeks of wilderness therapy.

    Once that was completed he was then send to Mexico for a program there that was eventually shut down. During that stay they really broke him down and changed his thought process. After a year in Mexico he was sent to a half-way house type of place in Los Angeles, CA. Finally after a year there he returned home. We hung out here and there and he seemed to have his life on track again.

    I truly cared about him and his well-being. I also realize now that sometimes you just can't help people, and that it is not my job to help or heal him.


    7 members found this post helpful.

  19. #39
    Join Date
    Aug. 28, 2007
    Location
    Triangle Area, NC
    Posts
    6,682

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    I think that trak is trying to say is that being attracted to someone abusive and chaotic says something about your childhood. Your youth is what teaches you acceptable behaviors for yourself and others. Many times you won't even remember it as abuse because you just accepted that everyone grows up the way you did.

    I am so glad you are getting out! Moving out of a situation similar was one of the most liberating days of my life. Perhaps you'll find out what I did, that I was more than capable of living a happy life without him.
    www.destinationconsensusequus.com
    chaque pas est fait ensemble



  20. #40
    Join Date
    Jan. 4, 2008
    Location
    Columbus, OH
    Posts
    685

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    Oh my, that's a pretty big step to take there. I don't believe that has anything to do with the situation I'm in, besides that fact that I enjoy being helpful, and allowed myself to get taken advantage of.



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