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  1. #1
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    Default meeting men - updated 11/22 (p7)

    I guess this whole post is going to come down to "How??" A co-worker says I need to talk to more men when I'm out... except that the eventing/dressage/HJ shows I go to don't HAVE any men (or at least none of the available variety). this is the same co-worker that tells me all the time about how girls are asking him out. Totally inappropriate girls (for him) but still. Last date I went on was XH in 2005.

    I signed up on Match.com a couple months ago and haven't even gotten a wink from someone that isn't 800+ miles away (and yet I've sent out a dozen winks and just as many emails). Talk about an ego buster. I do like my neighbor across the street - turns out we graduated from the same high school (he's 2 years ahead of me). VERY nice guy and a great neighbor, but so far nothing in the way of asking me out or anything.

    Not sure if I'm asking for advice, or just support. I'll take what I can get, cuz I sure ain't getting dates.
    Last edited by tle; Nov. 22, 2012 at 11:06 PM.
    ************
    "Of course it's hard. It's supposed to be hard. It's the Hard that makes it great."

    "Get up... Get out... Get Drunk. Repeat as needed." -- Spike



  2. #2
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    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by tle View Post
    I do like my neighbor across the street - turns out we graduated from the same high school (he's 2 years ahead of me). VERY nice guy and a great neighbor, but so far nothing in the way of asking me out or anything.
    Why don't you ask him if he just wants to get coffee sometime? No heavy dinner date formality or pressure. Just coffee! Good luck!


    4 members found this post helpful.

  3. #3
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    Dec. 19, 2008
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    As another single lady myself, sometimes it's good to get an objective opinion from someone. Do you have a trusted guy friend that you can have review your match.com profile and have them give you some feedback that might improve your communication attempts? There may be something you're overlooking that is a glaring red flag or a total turn-off that you wouldn't think twice about.

    I have just the opposite problem. Too many responses to the point where I struggle to keep them all straight. My profile is very much a clear reflection of who I am, what I am looking for and done so with a little tongue in cheek humor. It has made meeting people more comfortable because I feel like they know what they're getting into should they decide to go out with me. That way, should something off the wall come out of my mouth, I can't say they weren't warned well ahead of time. And, heck, they chose me!

    Other than that, my only insight is that dating is totally absurd and rediculous. Don't take it too seriously, have a sense of humor and don't take anything that happens personally. I hope you find your prince soon and only have to kiss a few frogs to find him! I'm still knee deep in the swamp myself...



  4. #4
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    Quote Originally Posted by Windsor1 View Post
    Why don't you ask him if he just wants to get coffee sometime? No heavy dinner date formality or pressure. Just coffee! Good luck!
    Agreed 100%... that or if you see him one night- invite him over for a beer, watch a football game, whatever... any excuse for a chance to spend some time together! Tell him you make a mean... (insert food choice here)... and ask him if he'd like to try it (we all know that food is a great way to get to a guy )

    You never know- you may not even like him after that!

    Otherwise- volunteer work is an awesome way to meet great people. I think that if you concentrate on meeting people and getting a larger social circle, the dating part will eventually fall into place!

    Good luck!
    Proudly living in my "let's save the world bubble"!


    2 members found this post helpful.

  5. #5
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    Default

    Ditto getting a good guy friend to look over your Match profile and also have other people screen the photos you choose. A friend of mine once showed me hers and I was horrified by the nonsense she had written that seemed clearly designed to scare men away (despite that not being her intention) and the terrible pictures she choose.

    Good lucks!



  6. #6
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    Default

    The only advice my trusted guy friend has given me is, "Men are icky, and we're all the same."
    Quarry Rat


    3 members found this post helpful.

  7. #7
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    You must never go there, Simba.
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    Take up a new hobby? I know people say that all the time, but if you pick something not typically "womanly", you'll get to meet a lot of new men.

    I've gotten really into archery and guys are constantly chatting me up on the range. I'm not looking, but if I was, I'd have plenty of opportunity.

    Just be laid back and approachable. It works, I swear.
    "Are you yawning? You don't ride well enough to yawn. I can yawn, because I ride better than you. Meredith Michael Beerbaum can yawn. But you? Not so much..."
    -George Morris



  8. #8
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    I second the notion of doing volunteer work. That way, if you don't meet anyone you can still feel like you got something out of the experience and benefitted someone else in the process.

    Internet dating can be a crapshoot. I've been on some sites where it seemed like all I found were "window shoppers" and others where I met some really, really nice people that I later dated seriously. Then again, almost any way you can think of to meet guys can be a crapshoot just like the internet. It's just one tool to use.

    I tried an experiment once where I wrote the profile description myself and had regular photos. Then tried another site where I used professional photos and a professionally written profile. Then yet another where I used a mega-glam photo and wrote a description that was nothing but sass and fluff.

    Which one got the most responses? Sadly, it was the latter even though the profile description really didnt say much about me as a person. With that particular profile, it would have been a part-time job trying to keep up with all the chats and emails. In fact, whenever I logged on, I had to make myself "invisible" otherwise I'd have upwards of a dozen chat windows opening up.
    That's a sad commentary on the types of people that were responding.

    Finding a good guy who is a great match for you is, I think, going to take some digging or is a matter of being in the right place at the right time.

    Like investing, keep a diversified portfolio. Also make sure first and foremost that you are enjoying yourself. If you pour all your free time into activities designed to help you meet guys and nothing comes of it, you'll end up unhappy. Make sure you are doing activities that you enjoy.

    A friend of mine told me a story of how a guy she knew signed up for a knitting class. He had always wanted to try it but put it off for a while figuring his male friends would tease him to no end about it. Well he showed up to the class, hit it off with one of the ladies in the class and they later got married and now have at least one kid. Good thing he listened to himself and not his friends. Who would have known he'd meet his wife that way?


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  9. #9
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    Online dating is a lot like shopping for a car. Many people want a Ferrari for the price of a used AMC Gremlin. I've been doing it for quite a long time and I see a lot of women who have unrealistic fantasies about men (studies show that much of this comes from idolizing caused by romance novels, romantic comedies, music, and TV shows like Friends) and relationships. There are also a lot of people who genuinely believe that anyone they have any interest in should be willing to take a chance on them and that is the worst belief you can have in online dating because it will lead to disappointment and occasionally conflict if things are taken personally. I really do see a lot of that and it's one of the reasons why I keep my distance from any woman I interact with online as many of them seem to have very short fuses and some will go above and beyond to get a pound of flesh for perceived slights. My advice to you is to get out and do stuff that requires interaction with other people. It will probably pay off more than online dating will.
    Thus do we growl that our big toes have,
    at this moment, been thrown up from below!


    2 members found this post helpful.

  10. #10
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    Quote Originally Posted by LexInVA View Post
    Online dating is a lot like shopping for a car. Many people want a Ferrari for the price of a used AMC Gremlin. I've been doing it for quite a long time and I see a lot of women who have unrealistic fantasies about men (studies show that much of this comes from idolizing caused by romance novels, romantic comedies, music, and TV shows like Friends) and relationships. There are also a lot of people who genuinely believe that anyone they have any interest in should be willing to take a chance on them and that is the worst belief you can have in online dating because it will lead to disappointment and occasionally conflict if things are taken personally. I really do see a lot of that and it's one of the reasons why I keep my distance from any woman I interact with online as many of them seem to have very short fuses and some will go above and beyond to get a pound of flesh for perceived slights. My advice to you is to get out and do stuff that requires interaction with other people. It will probably pay off more than online dating will.

    darn and I so had my heart set on meeting you.





    Quote Originally Posted by Mozart View Post
    Personally, I think the moderate use of shock collars in training humans should be allowed.


    3 members found this post helpful.

  11. #11
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    Default

    If only there was a block of time to be able to take up a new activity or volunteer work right now. There are a multitude of things I'd love to do, but I don't seem to have enough time to do what I need to do now between work and horses/critters and farm life.
    ************
    "Of course it's hard. It's supposed to be hard. It's the Hard that makes it great."

    "Get up... Get out... Get Drunk. Repeat as needed." -- Spike



  12. #12
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    Quote Originally Posted by Alagirl View Post
    darn and I so had my heart set on meeting you.


    Lex - Always the heartbreaker....



  13. #13
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    I am what nature made me.
    Thus do we growl that our big toes have,
    at this moment, been thrown up from below!


    1 members found this post helpful.

  14. #14
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    Default

    Agree with Snowflake and LexinVa.



  15. #15
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    :
    Quote Originally Posted by tle View Post

    I do like my neighbor across the street - turns out we graduated from the same high school (he's 2 years ahead of me). VERY nice guy and a great neighbor, but so far nothing in the way of asking me out or anything.
    Do you need any help around the house? Moving furniture, etc? Why not ask him to help you with something then you can thank him with a cold beer!
    Proud owner of a Slaughter-Bound TB from a feedlot, and her surprise baby...!
    http://i42.photobucket.com/albums/e350/Jen4USC/fave.jpg
    http://i42.photobucket.com/albums/e3...SC/running.jpg


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  16. #16
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    I would cancel your Match profile and get an OK Cupid profile instead. I paid for Match and did not have ONE interaction with any one. Posted same profile on OK and had too many to choose from.

    And interestingly enough, many of the same people are on both, but for some reason the free site gets more activity.

    Also, let your friends know that you are open to dating. One may have a friend of a friend that would like to introduce you to someone.


    2 members found this post helpful.

  17. #17
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    Quote Originally Posted by jenm View Post
    :

    Do you need any help around the house? Moving furniture, etc? Why not ask him to help you with something then you can thank him with a cold beer!
    I was thinking the same thing,...clog your pipes or something. If you have a dog, get the dog to somehow run into his yard.



  18. #18
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    A guy-friend had the same problem on Match.com so he had a few girlfriends (including myself) proof his photos and profile. So I second the idea of having someone proof your profile.

    And ditto on asking the neighbor out - maybe join on a walk or go see a local live band. Guys like to do something while they talk - I only know that because I learned/use that trick to communicate/bond with my teenage son.



  19. #19
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    Quote Originally Posted by MunchingonHay View Post
    I was thinking the same thing,...clog your pipes or something. If you have a dog, get the dog to somehow run into his yard.
    I think that's what got me thinking about him. He's been a fantastic neighbor. Woke me up at 6:30am on a Sunday morning (as he was getting ready to head to work) to tell me my horses were in his yard... then proceeded to not only drive me to the next block to cut their jaunt off, but drive back to the house to get my phone and then walk across the country block from the other side (did I mention it was plowed muddy fields) to help me catch them. Fed everyone for me this past Saturday evening when I took off to a friend's house 2 hours away for the night. Every time we talk we end up talking for an hour or so... last time I asked about him feeding, we talked about his job (in detail) and his family (his dad just passed a few weeks ago) among other topics. In exchange for storing some wood and crates in my barn, he's going to get my wood chipper running so I can sell it. Stuff like that. Nice, stable, employed, enjoys living in the country (drives 45 minutes to his job), likes animals.... get why I think I like him?

    I do take things too personally when it comes to dating. Probably why I haven't yet started dating since XH.... too many emotions wrapped up in all the "whys" or "why nots". Haven't ever considered myself "good" at dating. And definitely not good at asking guys out (that has never really worked before).
    ************
    "Of course it's hard. It's supposed to be hard. It's the Hard that makes it great."

    "Get up... Get out... Get Drunk. Repeat as needed." -- Spike



  20. #20
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    Quote Originally Posted by tle View Post
    I think that's what got me thinking about him. He's been a fantastic neighbor. Woke me up at 6:30am on a Sunday morning (as he was getting ready to head to work) to tell me my horses were in his yard... then proceeded to not only drive me to the next block to cut their jaunt off, but drive back to the house to get my phone and then walk across the country block from the other side (did I mention it was plowed muddy fields) to help me catch them. Fed everyone for me this past Saturday evening when I took off to a friend's house 2 hours away for the night. Every time we talk we end up talking for an hour or so... last time I asked about him feeding, we talked about his job (in detail) and his family (his dad just passed a few weeks ago) among other topics. In exchange for storing some wood and crates in my barn, he's going to get my wood chipper running so I can sell it.
    Sounds like you owe him a dinner! Seriously, look into that!


    As for online dating, I've had too many messages to handle on OkCupid whereas my friend (who is in all honesty prettier and cooler than me ) hasn't had a fraction of them on match.com. It's free so you lose nothing more than maybe 20 min to set it up (definitely answer the questions!). I would have someone take a look at it too. I'd say the biggest mistake people make is not spending enough time on their profile. They'll have like a sentence in the About Me section, which just makes it look like they don't care.
    "Things turn out best for the people who make the best of the way things turn out." ~John Wooden

    Phoenix Animal Rescue


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