[BuddyRoo]

What the eff craziness have I just encountered here on COTH with some of you?

Husband hasn't had a job. In 2 years.

Mom has not had a job. in 20 years.

Both have jobs now.

I have been paying for all things the last 2 1/2 years.

My income is not relevant legally. Which is good since I can't HAVE an income in our new place.

Everyone else who gets it? Thank you. Cuz I'm about ready to go bat shit. Yo do NOT want to see the email I just got back about the goddamned cell phone that isn't good enough.

[stryder]

BR, deep, cleansing breaths. in-2-3-4, out-2-3-4. Rinse and repeat until the urge to throttle leaves you.

And don't hit "reply" on that e-mail. Nope.

[Alagirl]

Yo do NOT want to see the email I just got back about the goddamned cell phone that isn't good enough.

LOL, I am in this kind of mood, I might get some deranged pleasure out of reading it.

Consider all the bad things silly (dumb) kids do with high powered phones....

But do pop open a bottle of adult beverage: This, too, shall pass!

many hugs. I am just glad my parents were adult (for most parts) when they split....

[BuddyRoo]

Oh, I hit reply. I did.

I said that I would be happy to give SD 13 the new phone when I have the kids this week if both parents approve and if not, they are welcome to come up with a different plan but that verizon requires a contract so they can take mine or leave it and buy something else and now it seems like everyone is okay with it.


Breathing. Breathing.

I just need to hug the kids on Thursday and remember why I care. Because they ARE good kids and I love 'em and I'm going to be here and make sure they get every opportunity in life if it fucking kills me because they are THAT special. They really are.

They are so bright, so talented...there is nothing that should stand in their way.

Not while I'm here.

[Alagirl]

Oh, I hit reply. I did.

I said that I would be happy to give SD 13 the new phone when I have the kids this week if both parents approve and if not, they are welcome to come up with a different plan but that verizon requires a contract so they can take mine or leave it and buy something else and now it seems like everyone is okay with it.


Breathing. Breathing.

I just need to hug the kids on Thursday and remember why I care. Because they ARE good kids and I love 'em and I'm going to be here and make sure they get every opportunity in life if it fucking kills me because they are THAT special. They really are.

They are so bright, so talented...there is nothing that should stand in their way.

Not while I'm here.

Oh... I am scared now... your Momma Bear is showing!

[stryder]

Breathing. Breathing.

I just need to hug the kids on Thursday and remember why I care. Because they ARE good kids and I love 'em and I'm going to be here and make sure they get every opportunity in life if it fucking kills me because they are THAT special. They really are.

They are so bright, so talented...there is nothing that should stand in their way.

Not while I'm here.

A little wind makes a stronger tree, you know. So ... hug them and love them all you can, despite their mother.

And good on you for being someone they can lean on and learn from.

[Capall]

That really sucks Buddy Roo. I've had two friends recently going through ex-wife crap. One had a REALLY good paying job, and paid alimony and child support. A lot of it. What did the bitch do? She called his work so much and harassed them so much he was "laid off" and guess what? That stopped the the massive gravy train. (He did get a new job but not nearly as high paying). Then, she GOT MARRIED and never reported it as she should have, and continued to collect alimony. Didn't tell my friend either! He had to fight to get it stopped and prove she was married! She also did a lot of underhanded lying and accusing of really bad things. I'm sure you can guess what I mean.

Another friend, wife was getting a whole lot of alimony and child support too. Then she got knocked up with twins and is living with the father. She too pulled stuff by lying about my friend and making him out to be an abusive alcoholic, which is untrue, and which is more true about her since she drinks a lot and parties a lot. Anyway, when he went to go get the alimony stopped at the court because it was lingering on a bit too long... she actually had the nerve to ask for more because of her "hardship." What was the hardship? Her twins with another man! He said the judge laughed her out of the courtroom.

Neither of my friends have an issue with paying child support. They love their children and are incredibly good fathers and want to be there for their kids. Unfortunately both married vindictive harpies that lie and cheat and try and paint the fathers as bad men. It makes me mad because in my situation, my girls' father abandoned us. These men don't want to be dead beats, but their ex wives are making them out as if they are.

I hope things look up for your situation, I really do. It's so stressful and so horrid what people do to each other and how the children suffer from all the idiocy.

[stryder]

Oh... I am scared now... your Momma Bear is showing!

[BuddyRoo]

Yeah, there's that. The mama bear stuff. After the medical stuff and the Fedex truck this year I think the kids could use a mama bear. (long story, but 12YO got HIT by a FEDEX truck!)

I might not be a mom. But I'm a pretty good Mama Bear.

[Alagirl]

Yeah, there's that. The mama bear stuff. After the medical stuff and the Fedex truck this year I think the kids could use a mama bear. (long story, but 12YO got HIT by a FEDEX truck!)

I might not be a mom. But I'm a pretty good Mama Bear.

and we loff you for it!

[JanM]

SOme people are all about designer labels, only expensive stuff and only want items that have visible logos so everyone knows they have the best. They are superficial, money grubbing snobs, and there is nothing that can be done about it. I'm assuming that the CS stops when the girls move in with you full time soon, and mommy will be up the creek then. You are setting a great example in fiscal responsibility, and you are teaching your stepkids the right way to live.

People who waste everything getting only the most expensive stuff never learn, and end up broke and friendless. When the hard times come they'll really wish they had the money back they wasted. Keep it up, and just ignore the fool. I know the time you have left to have to deal with her will seem like an eternity, but soon you'll be far away.

[BuddyRoo]

I only really have to make til the end of this school year and then they are back with us full time forever. Thank God in Heaven.


I just hope we can all make it til the end of the school year!!! THis sucks. I miss "my" girls and I know they're not mine, but I do miss them terribly. It's hard being a SM. You want to be fun (I'm not at all) and you want the kids to have everything they need for the real world (I'm good at that!).

But ultimately? I just want them to be happy, healthy kiddos.

[Capall]

Buddy, you sound like an amazing sm. I am sure the kids are less concerned with all the crap their mother is concerned about, and she is just raising a stink to raise a stink. If she wants to buy designer label everything, then she better start making more of her own money! Or be smart and live within her means and not expect the ex husband's wife to support her expensive habit. (LAME!)

[stryder]

I only really have to make til the end of this school year and then they are back with us full time forever. Thank God in Heaven.


I just hope we can all make it til the end of the school year!!! THis sucks. I miss "my" girls and I know they're not mine, but I do miss them terribly. It's hard being a SM. You want to be fun (I'm not at all) and you want the kids to have everything they need for the real world (I'm good at that!).

But ultimately? I just want them to be happy, healthy kiddos.

The kiddos know that, BR. My step said (years later) that he knew I had his back. His mother became his "fun" mom who splurged on him, stayed up way too late watching movies with him, and never seemed to have any rules. He knew it wasn't real.

Boundaries. Fairness. Mammals seem to respond to them and it doesn't matter if they have four feet or two.

Hang on. The year will fly by (OK, maybe not while it's actually in process) and then it will be over. Just hang on.

[BuddyRoo]

I'm being all drama now...but I really do hope that someday they realize how much I love them. I don't know how to show it now. But I have worked very hard to make sure that they have had every opportunity even when it meant that I had to make sacrifices. I don't think they have any idea how hard it has been and they shouldn't---they are kids. But I have really turned myself inside out to make sure they are okay. I hope someday they'll see that.

It hasn't been easy.

[Alagirl]

I'm being all drama now...but I really do hope that someday they realize how much I love them. I don't know how to show it now. But I have worked very hard to make sure that they have had every opportunity even when it meant that I had to make sacrifices. I don't think they have any idea how hard it has been and they shouldn't---they are kids. But I have really turned myself inside out to make sure they are okay. I hope someday they'll see that.

It hasn't been easy.

no, they don't know.
not now anyhow.
But in time I bet they will come to appreciate what you have done for them.
Once the hormones settle and the brains start to fire in the desired fashion!

[Pokey]

BuddyRoo, you sound like a really, really good stepmom. I'm a stepmother too, and I can say, you are definitely better than me...I like these kids, I do a lot for these kids, and I give up plenty and I'm pretty sure they don't notice. But I don't have the mamabear the way you do. Oh, if it came to it, sure, I'd do everything to protect them, but I don't quite love them the way that it sound like you love yours, and for that, I envy and admire you.

As to the ex...there isn't a day that goes by that I don't wish she'd get run over by a truck. Oh, I tried to stop wishing her dead, bad karma and all. I stopped for about 2 weeks, and then the usual shenanigans started and I had to go back to wishing for her imminent demise.

I'm lucky though - my husband has custody, but shares visitation 50/50, and there's no alimony and no child support.

[CVPeg]

BR, when I first read this, my thought was what a gem you are!

Here you go...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h4U48Gh-Fgs

[gieriscm]

I only really have to make til the end of this school year and then they are back with us full time forever. Thank God in Heaven.

Make sure DH files for CS from the ex, and watch her wig out...

And you do sound like an amazing SM. If the girls don't realize it now, they will one day.

[Thoroughbred in Color]

BuddyRoo, I don't have any advice on the patience end of things, but you sound like an awesome step-mom!