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  1. #21
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    I have dogs instead of children because I would rather ruin my carpets than my life.


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  2. #22
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    Jun. 18, 2007
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    Agree that this is one of the few places I have company.

    Never have wanted them, never have thought they were cute, not for one microsecond of my life. Even when I WAS a kid, I disliked kids. My dolls were characters in stories, not my "children."

    Mom, thankfully, was my strongest supporter and agreed that this was a valid decision for me. Others (including other family), not so much. Bah humbug.

    On the flip side, brother and SIL lost eight. They would have dearly loved kids, but she cannot successfully complete pregnancy. Every person who ever asked them, "When are you having kids?" just took out a knife and stabbed her a few times. People should mind their own business. You never know the other person's circs. I can see one "do you have kids?" in social greeting when you are first getting to know someone, but if the answer is no, I think the topic should be dropped. "When are you going to?" as a follow up is sometimes beyond rude to very painfully insensitive.


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  3. #23
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    Oct. 12, 2001
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    I think MOST people would prefer to not be around kids much and don't particularly like them, it's just not considered "PC" to express such sentiments. Consider the old saying "children should be seen and not heard", or the propensity amongst those who can afford it to shuffle child-care off onto nannies. Or off to boarding school. They actually had to pass laws to force landlords to rent to persons with children. We have to use severe social pressure to convince people to have children.
    As soon as birth control becomes available to societies, the number of children drops exponentially, suggesting most of the previous children were unwanted. In our own society, at least 50% of children who are born were unwanted at conception and possibly/probably after birth as well. Children are a major burden for most parents, but they are pressured by society to pretend it's all fun and joy. Many children are abused, neglected, discarded, abandoned, and murdered by parents who don't want them.
    If you don't want to reproduce, and prefer not to be around kids, why do you feel you have to justify yourself to everyone? you don't. You're being responsible, considerate, and environmentally sound. Worst thing you can do is let yourself be pressured into having a child that you might then resent and hate. And yes, many parents do. I know several men and one woman who have told me they seriously regret ever having children; I suspect these sentiments are much more widespread, people just aren't willing to admit it.


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  4. #24
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    I have 2 kids(well adults now). My best friend of 24 years does not have any and never wanted any. Our friendship lasted this long because when we are together she may ask me how they are and I may talk about them for 5 minutes but then it is on to other topics. My kids are not my whole life. I actually have a life seperate from them.
    I also have never been one to force my child on someone or to say any of the cliches that someone hears when they don't want any.
    So for those who do not want any that is your choice and there is nothing wrong with that choice.


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  5. #25
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    As someone who has kids, loves kids, and enjoys working with kids....let me say that I truly respect people who are honest with themselves about not being kid people. One of the great advantages of being a modern day woman is that you can make your own choices. I wanted kids but I sure as heck wouldn't have wanted to be forced to have kids, so that's got to be doubly so for people who don't want kids to begin with.


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  6. #26
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    Jul. 31, 2007
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    Quote Originally Posted by ReveilleandRinsie View Post
    I think this is very true. I grew up in a household where children were supposed to act like small adults, our toys were not supposed to be out of our rooms, and -- as I discovered much later in life -- my dad didn't actually want kids. My mom talked him into it. Now? I don't want kids. As a general rule, I don't like kids either. Some, sure, but in limited exposure.

    On the other hand ... I feel really strongly about how children should be treated, raised, and loved. I don't want any, but I'm passionate about children having good opportunities, education, loving families, et cetera. (This is part of why I don't have any, actually). I'll do whatever I can to help kids out and keep them in mind when I do things like vote.

    So I want to protect kids and want them to have happy, productive lives, and I'm willing to help out materially ... but I don't like being around them. *shrug*
    That's funny as I feel the same way. I think I was wanted as a "little adult" so while I don't think I could personally be altruistic enough to parent a child, I'm very opinionated about folks not taking parenting casually.

    Do parenting right, or don't do it at all (or raise a useful dog, a saleable colt and a friendly cat first).

    Quote Originally Posted by wendy View Post
    If you don't want to reproduce, and prefer not to be around kids, why do you feel you have to justify yourself to everyone? you don't.
    I think this really isn't true among women, or within a conversation about women.

    The "Oh, you'll change your mind" thing is either insulting or dangerous. (You don't trust me with a big decision about reproduction, but you would trust me to vote, own property, write a will and the rest?) I have never had a man tell me that I'd change my mind about wanting kids; I have only heard that from other women.
    The armchair saddler
    Politically Pro-Cat



  7. #27
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    Quote Originally Posted by mvp View Post

    Do parenting right, or don't do it at all (or raise a useful dog, a saleable colt and a friendly cat first).
    Definitely why people need to be honest about their feelings about having children. You really can't do a good job at it if your head (or especially your heart!) is not in the game.

    Volunteering at juvenile court representing neglected/abused kids has only intensified my beliefs about this.



  8. #28
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    Aug. 28, 2007
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    Quote Originally Posted by mvp View Post
    2) And more sinister but useful: More often than not, the people who don't like children or children of a certain age were not made to feel welcomed and loved during that phase of their own life. I can say that I don't have kids in part because this was true for me growing up.
    and that concludes my therapy session for today. I was either chucked out in a pasture with horses, or dressed up and forced to be "an adult" until middle school. I had trouble socializing with children my own age, and even now, most of my friends are either 15-20 years older than me, or have hooves.
    www.destinationconsensusequus.com
    chaque pas est fait ensemble


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  9. #29
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    Oct. 7, 2006
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    I like 'em well enough at the barn when they are old enough to ride and enjoy it. I like answering their horse-related questions and giving them any help they want (with their parents around because I'm terrified that if I tell them how to do something and they mess it up they'll get hurt). I like teaching kids about horses and horse stuff.
    But I hate it when the kids really care but the parents don't. When the parents are clueless about horses and don't want to know and are endangering the kids they love enough to have bought a horse for them. I wish I could give them all basic beginner lessons (how to put a halter on, how to lead a horse, not to wear ankle socks with paddock boots, not to ride in an English saddle in shorts and cowboy boots, always to wear a helmet). I wish I could buy a dozen bombproof ponies without pony'tudes and see the kids got good beginner lessons.

    But kids away from the barn? Kids at church, in the library, the store, a restaurant?

    No way. Noisy, painful (when they run into me at full speed), and always, ALWAYS, having their mothers shout across the library/wherever, "[Name of kid], go potty RIGHT NOW!"
    Founder of the People Who Prefer COTH Over FB Clique
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  10. #30
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    Nov. 18, 2011
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    Quote Originally Posted by Mara View Post
    I have dogs instead of children because I would rather ruin my carpets than my life.



    I just read through this whole thread and its a a relief to see that i'm not the only one! Absolutely zero pressure from my family to have kids but my SOs family drives me NUTS! "When are you having kids? What do you mean you're not going to? Oh you're going to regret not having them! Your mother must be so disappointed!" Umm, no shes not but thanks for your unwanted opinion!

    FYI, my parents wants "granfurbabies" aka granhorses, grandogs and grancats. Done and done!


    2 members found this post helpful.

  11. #31
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    Feb. 1, 2012
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    Quote Originally Posted by FineAlready View Post
    I don't want kids partly because I don't really like them all that much, and I feel like if you are going to have kids you better REALLY want them. I am also completely horrified by the possibility of having a special needs child or a child that becomes injured or disabled in some way. I just don't think I could cope with it, and the thought of bringing someone into this world that will need lifetime care that extends beyond MY lifetime terrifies me. I mean, what would happen to them after I am gone? I know there are ways to plan for such eventualities, but...I just don't think I could handle it. One of my good friends has a lovely daughter with a serious seizure disorder that is extremely disabling. She must worry every day about what will happen to her daughter after she and her husband are gone. That is just...too much.
    THIS is another reason I don't want children.
    "If you think nobody cares about you, try missing a couple payments..."


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  12. #32
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    Mar. 9, 2005
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    I'm glad I'm not alone... I've never wanted kids and neither has my husband. I'm thrilled for my friends that wanted kids and were able to have them and I hope all my friends that want them in the future will be able to have them, but not me thanks. I'd rather be the fun aunt that spoils my niece and my honorary nieces and nephews and then be able to hand them back over to their parents.

    There may be some truth in how your own childhood plays into whether or not you want kids, I know I was wanted by my parents, I was adopted, but they weren't always supportive of what I wanted in life. They thought I should do what they thought was best, not what would make me happy. We were just on totally different wavelengths, my brain works differently than theirs and it created a lot of turmoil and drama growing up. I also got stuck with the peer group from hell growing up that made most of elementary and middle school a complete nightmare. The thought of having kids and having to potentially deal with that kind of school drama again just gives me nightmares. I don't want to relive it, I don't want my kids to have to go through it, if they did I would lose my mind, I have a fierce protective instinct....

    I'm in my 30's and I highly doubt either hubby or I will change our feelings about having kids, but if we do we plan on looking into adopting a foster child or two, there are plenty of kids already out there that need loving homes...
    Freedom is the ability not to care what the other person thinks...

    Got air?! Member of the Asthmatic Riders Clique


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  13. #33
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    Jul. 14, 2011
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    I've always known that I didn't want kids. Never been a fan of them and would run the other way when a baby is brought out for display.

    However, I like watching them interact with each other sometimes. Some are even cute. My cousin has a 3 yr. old boy and I have a lot of fun playing with him, and then I go home. I like fun, cute and funny kids; the rest can go away.

    I hate it when people say "You'll change your mind when you have your own". OK, what if I had one and didn't change my mind. Can't return it or put it back. Parents love even the most horrible monster kids and see nothing wrong with them. I wouldn't want to be one of those parents.



  14. #34
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    Jun. 25, 2004
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    Auntie Mame here. I adore my nieces and nephews, great-nieces and -nephews and great,great -nieces - no g,g nephews yet, not to mention step grandchildren. However I really enjoy handing the darlings back to their Moms and Dads.

    Never wanted kids of my own, had some family pressure, but they gave up.

    Kids are ok, can't get mad at them as they are the reflection of their parents.


    To the person who finds black babies cuter than white babies. I agree, most white babies come out all red and wrinkled. It take a few weeks to months for their skin to even out. Of course my great,great niece is an exception in that she is absolutely beautiful!
    "Never do anything that you have to explain twice to the paramedics."
    Courtesy my cousin Tim



  15. #35
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    Dec. 19, 2009
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    I love kids, I'm a teacher, I have two wonderful kids of my own. That doesn't mean I think everyone should have them (ha ha, actually I think way more people have them than should!) But I understand this thread because I just insert "dog" in there. I do have dogs, I like them well enough but they're not "my" dogs. They do live in my house, I will feed them and let them out, and they can be cute and all but If I lived alone there would probably not be any dogs around. At least kids I could eventually potty train. I don't understand when people show me pictures of their dogs or new puppies and expect me to oooh and ahhh over them. I probably don't want to go out of my way to meet your dog when I stop at your house and for God's sake I don't want your dog to jump up on me, bark at me, lick me, or rub his hair all over my black trousers. Well behaved dogs are excepted from this of course.

    [QUOTE=FineAlready;6635581]I don't want kids partly because I don't really like them all that much, and I feel like if you are going to have kids you better REALLY want them. I am also completely horrified by the possibility of having a special needs child or a child that becomes injured or disabled in some way. I just don't think I could cope with it, and the thought of bringing someone into this world that will need lifetime care that extends beyond MY lifetime terrifies me. I mean, what would happen to them after I am gone? I know there are ways to plan for such eventualities, but...I just don't think I could handle it. One of my good friends has a lovely daughter with a serious seizure disorder that is extremely disabling. She must worry every day about what will happen to her daughter after she and her husband are gone. That is just...too much.
    [QUOTE]

    This is very true, and something a lot of people never consider. However this is true for marriage as well. We are all one accident away from a TBI whether it be from riding or being in a car accident, or some other debilitating disease. We could become caretakers, feeders, and diaper-changers for our spouses. I imagine with this line of thinking that marriage is also out of the equation then. I have a friend who is experiencing this... the other day she said something like "Where in my marriage contract does it say I have to wipe his butt?" and I just replied "I think that falls under the 'in sickness and in health' part". It's scary to think about, and I doubt many people really think about it when they say "I do".



  16. #36
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    Quote Originally Posted by pony baloney View Post
    I hate it when people say "You'll change your mind when you have your own". OK, what if I had one and didn't change my mind. Can't return it or put it back. Parents love even the most horrible monster kids and see nothing wrong with them. I wouldn't want to be one of those parents.
    I hate the "Oh, you'll change your mind" thing, too.

    Choosing to bring another life into this world, raise it up right so that the life was worth something to your kid and your kid worth something to the rest of society is a really big deal.

    Are you sure you want people having kids who can't even be credited with knowing what they want? Either give women credit for being autonomous, or don't put them in charge of having kids.
    The armchair saddler
    Politically Pro-Cat


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  17. #37
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    Oct. 20, 2008
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    I use to be just like that... Really I was. And was told the "Oh you'll change your mind thing..." to which I just rolled my eyes and told people to move on.

    Left my fiance years ago over the fact that I was SURE I never wanted kids and he wanted them... yesterday!

    Truth is- I somehow changed along the way... don't know why/when/how.

    I'm attributing to the 2+ years I spent on the road by myself as a national sales rep after having to put my heart horse down... well, I now can't imagine not having a family at some point in my life.

    That being said- NO desire to HAVE them... none, really... at all!

    Figured there are enough kids out there that need fostering/adopting... so I'm opting to NOT use my own reproductive system
    Proudly living in my "let's save the world bubble"!



  18. #38
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    Feb. 20, 2010
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    Some kids are just harder to relate to. I'm childfree, and I have a hard time relating to my nephew - who I do like, he's a very sweet kid. But I have a hard time interacting with him when he asks me to play, for example. He's into Thomas and he needs the person playing with him to know how to act as the various characters in that, if you act differently he gets upset. He doesn't like surprises (I don't mean surprise gifts, I mean like taking your trolley onto the train tracks LOL). He doesn't like it when you try to narrate a different story.
    I'm making him sound like a brat, but he most definitely is not that. He's a tentative thoughtful 3 year old with very definite ideas of what is "right" in the Thomas world.

    My best friend's almost-3 year old, I can play with no problem. She accepts surprises into her play, she's very directable, she can drop one thing and start another if you suggest it. I could babysit her for a day no problem; I'd have a hard time baby-sitting nephew. Kids are just different. She's actually more bratty than nephew (will throw the occasional fit, might even bite), but to me she's much easier to deal with.
    Last edited by Coanteen; Nov. 3, 2012 at 11:49 AM.



  19. #39
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    I'm a teacher with two kids who has always loved kids (but who didn't actually *want* any of her own until her 30s), but I have respect and empathy for those that don't. For years, yeeeeears, I said I didn't want any. The "you'll change your mind" thing is so dismissive and disrespectful and (ironically) selfish--geez, maybe they will, maybe they won't. I did, but by no means does that mean others will.

    I'm firmly of the belief that if you don't like or don't want kids, then don't have them. Why on Earth would other people encourage otherwise? Misery loves company?

    I teach kids that aren't wanted or liked by their parents every day, every year. It infuriates me while simultaneously breaking my heart.

    I miss certain parts of my pre-child life. Actually, many parts. (Sleep...time...shopping alone, as my other post mentions.) Still, I have never once regretted it. I just want the best of BOTH worlds. Dammit.

    So enjoy sleeping in tomorrow with that extra hour for me. My rugrats will be tackling me out of bed at 5am (if I'm lucky) for the next week or so.

    It may not be what I chose for my life, but I get it, and I respect it. Carry on.
    SA Ferrana Moniet
    Not goodbye--just waiting at the end of the trail.
    My bloggity blog: Hobby Horse: Adventures of the Perpetual Newbie


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  20. #40
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    Apr. 20, 2011
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    I didn't read all the posts, I have friends that don't want kids and my response is always the same-- Then don't have them. I have NO problem with it either way, it's the folks that get pressured into having them and then resent them in one way or another.

    I love my kids, always wanted to be a mom. Loved being pregnant, loved labor and delivery, loved the newborns! That's just me. I would have hated it if any one had tried to tell me "No you don't want them, jsut wait and see".

    so for all of you who don't want them, I'm saying I support you in your decision!


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