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  1. #21
    Join Date
    Aug. 29, 2012
    Location
    Bahstin, Mass
    Posts
    729

    Default

    My heart goes out to you and your friend's family, LM. I am so sorry for your loss. *hugs* and jingles.



  2. #22
    Join Date
    May. 24, 2006
    Posts
    2,896

    Default

    Hugs to you...You cant beat yourself up, it was ultimately her decision however painful it is to those left behind. I think in time the pain will ease and you will build new friendships to help fill the void. While no one can replace your friend, new friends will help you get to a new chapter in your life and perhaps take you to a place you never thought you could be. Again, Hugs to you.



  3. #23
    Join Date
    Nov. 1, 2007
    Location
    ....in a classroom in Fl, by the ocean
    Posts
    3,954



  4. #24
    Join Date
    Mar. 1, 2005
    Location
    Pottstown, Pa
    Posts
    117

    Default

    My condolences on your loss. I lost my brother 20 years ago and can speak to the incredible support given by the Survivor of Suicide groups across the nation. If you are not into support groups, there is also the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention's survivor pages that have tons of info about coping with the loss. http://www.afsp.org/index.cfm?fuseac...84379C813F8D93

    What got me through the horribleness is hoping that he found the peace he needed. The pain and guilt will subside over time, but she will always be in your heart.



  5. #25
    Join Date
    Nov. 8, 2005
    Location
    NC
    Posts
    2,236

    Default

    I am so sorry for the untimely death of your friend.

    One of the cruelest things about suicide is that those who do themselves in are so caught up in the seeming miseries of the moment that they discount both the likely availability of many friends and relatives who could and would have been supportive in their lives, and the enduring impact the suicide will have upon those people left behind second-guessing themselves, wondering why, and grieving. No doubt they never would have wished that on others, but being depressed were also blinkered.

    Two of those to whom I had been closest and most deeply connected in my life, my longtime best friend, and my first girlfriend in high school who long before in another neighborhood had also been one of my playmates from infancy through 6th grade, killed themselves.

    I only just learned that Teri had killed herself a few weeks ago; before that I only knew she had died a dozen years ago, very young. The shock even years later of the news was devastating. Her poor now elderly parents had to endure my melting down over the phone when they shared the information.

    I can strongly empathize with what you're experiencing and only wish I could help take away some of the sting.

    Time helps, but too slowly and too little. At least when my best friend died in 2003, I had the benefit of the counselor who'd helped me through the process of leaving my first wife. I'd encourage you to find either a support group or a therapist if this continually preys upon your mind.
    If I knew what I were doing, why would I take lessons?

    "Things should be as simple as possible,
    but no simpler." - Einstein



  6. #26
    Join Date
    Feb. 24, 2005
    Posts
    2,309

    Default

    I'm sorry for your loss. I find it very sad when someone is successful in committing suicide, but almost always there was nothing their friends and family could have done.



  7. #27
    Join Date
    Apr. 10, 2006
    Posts
    7,384

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Alagirl View Post
    When we mourn death it is never the passing of the person, but the void they leave in our lives.
    Isn't that the truth.

    LM, I am so incredibly sorry for your loss. If you haven't already, please seek some kind of counseling/therapy for yourself, ok?

    I hope things are ok in your life..... hang in there!
    We couldn't all be cowboys, so some of us are clowns.



  8. #28
    Join Date
    Dec. 11, 2005
    Location
    Southern California - Hemet
    Posts
    1,722

    Default

    LM, everyone else has said what I would say so well already. Just adding another hug and wish for comfort for you.



  9. #29
    Join Date
    Jul. 19, 2007
    Location
    Michigan
    Posts
    10,589

    Default

    You work in a psych ward. You're not a psychic. The only one who could have KNOWN was her, and if she went through with it, she wanted to do it. It was not your fault nor could you have prevented it. It is NOT YOUR FAULT in any way, shape or form. Grieve, don't beat yourself up.



  10. #30
    Join Date
    Sep. 2, 2005
    Location
    Upstate NY
    Posts
    12,772

    Default

    So very sorry for your loss.



  11. #31
    Join Date
    Aug. 4, 2006
    Location
    Branson, Missouri
    Posts
    382

    Default

    I am so sorry to hear this.

    In May, ironically during finals week as I wrapped up my undergraduate degree in Psychology, my husband attempted suicide. I did not see it coming. In fact, he was hospitalized for a car wreck, and they found empty bottles of Ambien and Valium in his truck, and I still thought it was an accident until he woke up and confirmed it was a suicide attempt. I knew he was battling severe PTSD and major depressive disorder, but he gave NO indication he was suicidal.

    Please don't beat yourself up over it. And I would highly recommended counseling to talk your thoughts out as you mentioned you have been depressed as well. Working in a psych unit as you know can be very taxing, and you need to take care of yourself.

    Again, I am sorry about your friend. Will be thinking about you a lot.
    "I'm an idealist. I don't know where I'm going, but I'm on my way."



  12. #32
    Join Date
    Aug. 26, 2012
    Location
    MO
    Posts
    50

    Default

    So sorry. Such a sad situation for all that loved her. As others have said, you have no need to feel guilty, you couldn't have stopped her.

    Take care of yourself as a tribute to your friend. Let yourself feel whatever you need to feel. You can't move on until you have let the emotions come and go. Don't beat yourself up with the things you can't change. Take whatever time you need to deal with it.

    Hope you find some peace.



  13. #33
    Join Date
    Aug. 9, 2007
    Posts
    9,133

    Default

    I personally got involved with a guy who threatened suicide many years ago. He came into my office and told me he planned to kill himself after he had divorced his wife and had dated one of our secretaries. I asked him to go to a shrink, and he refused. I asked him to talk to family or friends and he said no. I tried to help him.

    Long story short, I spent some months trying to convince him not to kill himself. When I realized that he was going to do so, I asked him NOT to use a gun, and not to kill himself in front of his 9 yr old son. He did both. On his son's birthday. And yes, I'd gone to our boss and a supervisor in our office and told them what was going on. They did not believe me. For almost a year thereafter, I was allergic to everything. I'd never had allergies before that.

    BTW, Sex will not prevent someone from committing suicide.

    I would not get involved in something like that again. I don't think that you can prevent someone from killing himself if he wants to do so. Don wanted to kill 3 guys in our office! I did talk him out of that. (And this was the office of the DA in Atlanta.)

    Don't blame yourself. You cannot see into the dark recesses of someone else's mind. You cannot change the destiny of someone who fears death less than he fears life.

    .



  14. #34
    Join Date
    Oct. 16, 2011
    Posts
    1,194

    Default

    I am so sorry for your loss, and her family and other friends. Jingles to you all.
    *Wendy* 4.17.73 - 12.20.05



  15. #35
    Join Date
    Apr. 20, 2010
    Location
    Harpers Ferry, WV
    Posts
    2,815

    Default Very Sorry

    So sorry that you have to go through this. Many have already stated the obvious, that it is not your fault. My thoughts and prayers are with you and the family.
    www.Somermistfarm.com
    Hunter Ponies & Quality GSDs
    www.UnleashedK9.net



  16. #36
    Join Date
    May. 15, 2006
    Location
    Eastern WV Panhandle
    Posts
    1,246

    Default

    I'm so sorry for your loss. I'll echo the sentiments of everyone else - there was nothing you could do to stop her once she had made the decision.

    Please don't feel like you failed her as a friend. You didn't. You tried your best to help.



  17. #37
    Join Date
    Aug. 10, 2010
    Location
    Western NY
    Posts
    1,687

    Default

    I think it's safe to say that all of us who have lost a close friend or family member to suicide felt, as you do, the need to ask oneself "what could I have done to prevent this" and we feel guilt if we think we "failed" the person in some way. But in reality their pain was not about anything we "failed" to do...I only comfort myself that they are out of their pain now.



  18. #38
    Join Date
    Nov. 8, 2005
    Location
    NC
    Posts
    2,236

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by cloudyandcallie View Post
    You cannot change the destiny of someone who fears death less than he fears life.
    Well put.
    If I knew what I were doing, why would I take lessons?

    "Things should be as simple as possible,
    but no simpler." - Einstein


    1 members found this post helpful.

  19. #39
    Join Date
    Dec. 6, 2003
    Location
    Horse Country, USA
    Posts
    3,117

    Default

    Oh, Lockemeadows.

    My only uncle, who helped raised me, and one of my oldest friends both committed suicide within the past two years. It wasn't until I went through this that I learned how many people around me have been impacted by suicide.

    I have so much respect for you for posting this under your own name.
    <><



  20. #40
    Join Date
    Feb. 9, 2005
    Location
    Upper Midwest
    Posts
    5,929

    Default

    I don't have any additional advice that hasn't already been said, but I just wanted to say that I am so sorry for your loss.

    [[[[[HUG}]]]]]
    Siouxland Sporthorses: http://slsfarm.blogspot.com/

    DIY Journey of Remodeling the Farmette: http://weownblackacre.blogspot.com/



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