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  1. #21
    Join Date
    Aug. 2, 2004
    Location
    Whidbey Is, Wash.
    Posts
    9,776

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    I still wanna know what the "weird" is... *shrug*

    Flirting with you, talking to your boobs? Leering at Lassie? Driving and road raging? Hanging upside down from the out stairs balcony and making Tarzan sounds?
    COTH's official mini-donk enabler

    "I am all for reaching out, but in some situations it needs to be done with a rolled up news paper." Alagirl


    1 members found this post helpful.

  2. #22
    Join Date
    Jul. 22, 2012
    Location
    CA
    Posts
    811

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    Quote Originally Posted by Gestalt View Post
    Crap. This is it in a nutshell. It makes me cry thinking about the outcome. I'm sure I will lose my friend, but as you say "is she feels the friendship is worth saving".
    Wish we had a "hug" emoticon on here. Unfortunately, someone will usually end up hurting - at least for the short term. But in the end, hopefully you will both be better off. At the very least, you will be able to move on with a free conscience - nothing will change until she decides to change it, and you gave her the best nudge you could.

    If you ever need to chat, my inbox is always open.



  3. #23
    Join Date
    May. 21, 2008
    Location
    Sonoma County, California
    Posts
    2,511

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    Your friend is married to an alcoholic. Alcoholism affects people around the alcoholic in waves that sometimes seem to go far and wide. I am the (soon to be ex) wife an an alcoholic and have benefited from a lot of Al Anon, therapy and books.

    I have a close friend whose husband is also an alcoholic. We have provided a lot of support and a listening ear to each other over the past few years, often just getting together for coffee to kind of "download" on each other about what was going on. I chose to end my marriage; she has chosen to stay in hers. I've really moved on, she continues to drown in codependency.

    I found myself in similar shoes as you --- getting together with my friend who just wanted to go on and on about her husband. I began to dread seeing her. Finally I had to say very straight to her: "I know you are in a painful situation. I want to be here as a friend to support you. When we get together, there is too much repeated discussion about your alcoholic. As we've learned in Al Anon, we can get healthy by focusing on our own lives. When we get together for coffee, I'm going to ask that we keep the focus of our time together on talking about ourselves and positive things happening in life."

    She was a bit taken aback at first but in the end, it made for a really healthy shift away from the "sip and bitch" sessions. Yes, we do still talk about our alcoholics, but we both catch ourselves and shift conversation to healthy productive topics, like career, kids, horses, etc.

    There is a big difference between supporting and enabling.


    1 members found this post helpful.

  4. #24
    Join Date
    Apr. 28, 2008
    Posts
    7,338

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    There are a lot of assumptions on here that he's an alcoholic, etc. Which might be true but that's not clear from the OP. He drinks, and acts "weird" (what's that?) when he drinks, but nothing about how often and to what extent he's doing it. Need more information before jumping to that conclusion.

    However, OP, it just sounds like you are done with this "friend." And that's fine. But I don't understand.... You want her to go through heaven and earth for you, but you won't even go to her house. wondering if the friendship is already one-sided, and not on your side. Just something to think about -- of course I don't know, just going by what you posted here. I hope it works out for you whatever you decide to do.



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