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  1. #1
    Join Date
    Nov. 13, 2007
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    In my car, between work, home, and the barn!
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    359

    Default Pregnant, and NOT looking forward to telling family...

    I guess that pretty much says it all. We're ecstatically pregnant with our fourth child, and not looking forward to telling our families At. All. Seems like everyone else around has had two and been done, which is fine - but we've always wanted a large family. I make decent money, work from home half the time, my husband is a stay at home father, we've both got PhDs, oldest kiddo (only one in school yet) goes to private school, our only debt is the mortgage and student loans... it doesn't seem like they should have much to complain or worry about.

    But I *know* the first thing my mother will say is "was this planned?" and "well, I just hope you can handle this."

    Just a vent. We're so happy, and our kids have been asking when we're going to have another baby in the family for the past year. We're not telling any family yet just so they don't rain on the parade.



  2. #2
    Join Date
    Oct. 9, 2007
    Location
    Central NJ
    Posts
    1,062

    Default

    Congratulations!

    Personally I would never tell them. Just wait and see if they notice an extra face at dinner.



  3. #3
    Join Date
    Dec. 18, 2008
    Location
    SE, PA
    Posts
    1,074

    Default

    Congratulations & all the best for a very happy pregnancy!!
    Our horses know our secrets; we braid our tears into their manes and whisper our hopes into their ears.



  4. #4
    Join Date
    Nov. 13, 2004
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    City of delusion in the state of total denial
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    8,553

    Default

    Congratulations and best wishes! Your mother will sort herself out.
    "I'm not always sarcastic. Sometimes I'm asleep."
    - Harry Dresden

    Horse Isle 2: Legend of the Esrohs LifeCycle Breeding and competition MMORPG



  5. #5
    Join Date
    Nov. 13, 2007
    Location
    In my car, between work, home, and the barn!
    Posts
    359

    Default

    Ha, skyking! I'm having fun picturing that. "Um, are you babysitting?" We'll tell them, though, and eventually they'll be happy. I'm just not looking forward to the first few conversations!



  6. #6
    Join Date
    Jun. 4, 2002
    Location
    Suffolk, VA
    Posts
    16,684

    Default

    Congrats! I see no harm in a large family if you can support the children, and obviously you can. Sounds like it's not her business if you get my point and just tell her as much if she becomes a downer over it.



  7. #7
    Join Date
    Mar. 4, 2010
    Posts
    1,775

    Default Tell the naysayers to buzz off!

    I come from a family of 7 kids and even in the 50s people harassed my parents about having so many kids. Living well and joyfully is the best revenge - so let the nasty comments slide off your back and enjoy your beautiful children and happy life!



  8. #8
    Join Date
    Jan. 26, 2001
    Location
    NC
    Posts
    4,389

    Default

    Stack the deck. Pick an occasion, have a few people you have already told and have them jump in with "Congratulations! What a lucky child to be born into your wonderful family! How great to see a nice big family!" etc.
    then your mother would look like a big meanie if she says anything snarky.
    Adding my congrats. I came from a family of four kids and I love it.
    Mostly.



  9. #9
    Join Date
    Feb. 23, 2005
    Location
    Spotsylvania, VA
    Posts
    13,220

    Default Congratulations

    Quote Originally Posted by JustJumpIt! View Post
    I guess that pretty much says it all. We're ecstatically pregnant with our fourth child, and not looking forward to telling our families At. All. Seems like everyone else around has had two and been done, which is fine - but we've always wanted a large family. I make decent money, work from home half the time, my husband is a stay at home father, we've both got PhDs, oldest kiddo (only one in school yet) goes to private school, our only debt is the mortgage and student loans... it doesn't seem like they should have much to complain or worry about.

    But I *know* the first thing my mother will say is "was this planned?" and "well, I just hope you can handle this."

    Just a vent. We're so happy, and our kids have been asking when we're going to have another baby in the family for the past year. We're not telling any family yet just so they don't rain on the parade.
    Start practicing a shocked expression and the question "Whatever made you ask that question/say that"

    I was always sorry I didn't have #4 though it would have been insane at the time
    I wasn't always a Smurf
    Penmerryl's Sophie RIDSH
    "I ain't as good as I once was but I'm as good once as I ever was"
    The ignore list is my friend. It takes 2 to argue.



  10. #10
    Join Date
    Jun. 24, 2005
    Location
    Alabama
    Posts
    8,618

    Default

    I like Carolprudm's answer. Or the ones people like Dear Abby use "Why would I discuss that with you?" or my answer "What the hell kind of person would ask that and expect an answer?" Or some other cranky reply. I've never understood why a question like that deserved an answer, or why it was anyone's business except you, your DH, and your doctor.

    Congratulations, and I love knowing a child is coming into the world wanted and loved.
    You can't fix stupid-Ron White



  11. #11
    Join Date
    May. 21, 2004
    Location
    N. TX...just N.East of paradise...
    Posts
    2,026

    Default

    Sounds like my in-laws when my SIL had her 5th, AND 6th child (yeah, way too many for ME, but it's HER)..

    THey were VERY non-supportive about it for the first few conversations, to the point that SIL didn't tell them about #6 until she was 6 or 7 months along

    The correct answer seems to have some elements of "why do you care?" "I still love you even though you are not supporting me" "It's my life, thank you" "didn't you raise me to be a responsible adult?" or some such or other....
    "As a rule we disbelieve all the facts and theories for which we have no use."- William James
    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

    Proud member of the Wheat Loss Clique.



  12. #12
    Join Date
    Nov. 13, 2007
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    In my car, between work, home, and the barn!
    Posts
    359

    Default

    We're telling the kids this weekend... so maybe we'll just let them break the news, since no one will be negative at all around them. And the littles will be super excited to be the news-bearers.



  13. #13
    Join Date
    Jul. 5, 2007
    Location
    Beside Myself ~ Western NY
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    6,842

    Default

    My younger sister is pregnant. I don't know if it was planned or not. Really none of my business. But... she made me tell my Dad. She was afraid to. Heck she's 37 I'm sure by now he knows she's had sex! Anyway, I did it, under duress. I wasn't going to have my Dad cut out of the whole process and have his feelings hurt.

    You're estatic. Tell your family your wonderful news! But if they try to rain on your parade, have a CoTH come back ready and smack it on 'em.
    The more perfect our happiness,
    the more nagging and wretched
    do our unsolved problems seem.
    ~ Gordon Grand



  14. #14
    Join Date
    Dec. 18, 2006
    Location
    NY
    Posts
    4,555

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by JustJumpIt! View Post
    We're telling the kids this weekend... so maybe we'll just let them break the news, since no one will be negative at all around them. And the littles will be super excited to be the news-bearers.
    Good plan!

    Isn't it amazing how our closest family often feels so comfortable saying things you'd never say to anyone else?? As an adoptive mom we got a few odd responses, mostly from my mother. But she got over it pretty quickly...just a surprising lack of a "governor" on some of her initial comments.

    Congratulations!!



  15. #15
    Join Date
    Jun. 14, 2006
    Location
    VA
    Posts
    11,372

    Default

    Congratulations!

    And I'm with the "Wow, that's quite a question!" or "Did you MEAN to ask that out loud?" response. Some people just don't think before they open their mouths.
    A good horseman doesn't have to tell anyone...the horse already knows.

    Might be a reason, never an excuse...



  16. #16
    Join Date
    Mar. 30, 2004
    Location
    King, NC
    Posts
    1,883

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by JustJumpIt! View Post

    But I *know* the first thing my mother will say is "was this planned?" and "well, I just hope you can handle this."
    Send her a postcard with the info. Then don't answer the phone for a week.



    If you tell your families how excited you are about your wonderful news, you are adding a long hoped for addition to your family ... that should forestall any comments. Just saying "I'm pregnant" allows them to interpret your silence any way they want.

    However if you are emphatic in your happiness up front and they still comment, you should calmly ask them why they are raining on your parade.
    HaHA! Made-est Thou Look!



  17. #17
    Join Date
    Jul. 19, 2000
    Location
    Crown Point, IN
    Posts
    3,745

    Default

    Ugh. When my husband and I announced number 2 to his parents, his father looked at us and said, "you're ruining your life, you know."

    Tell them to stick it up their nose. That's pretty much what I did.
    Teneriffe Enterprises- NW Indiana
    www.saradanielhaynes.com



  18. #18
    Join Date
    Nov. 30, 2000
    Location
    Kentucky
    Posts
    7,523

    Default

    I went on vacation and sent a postcard home from a different continent. (This was pre-cell phone.) By the time we got home 2 weeks later most of the furor had died down.



  19. #19
    Join Date
    Sep. 1, 2007
    Posts
    651

    Default

    Congratulations!! My mother was one of 13 children. Four isn't that many, lol. I love my big family. It is such a special thing.

    I agree with the sentiments; tell ma to stick it



  20. #20
    Join Date
    May. 21, 2008
    Location
    Sonoma County, California
    Posts
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    Default

    Congrats on the upcoming baby! I have four children and when I tell people that, they sometimes get this strange look of surprise and wonder on their face and ask did you plan on that? It always makes me cringe, like having four kids is some sort of crime, LOL.



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