It was not like this with our older boys (now 24 and 22), they spent some time here and some time at friends' houses. It's different with my 10 year old...there are a lot of boys within a year or two of his age in our neighborhood and they are ALL always at my house. They show up at random times and there's often a big group of them.
It was a half day at school today, so I worked from home this afternoon and I've had five boys in my house since noon...they are still here at 7:30. It's noisy, it's messy, it's loud.
I like knowing where my boy is and I'm sure I'll REALLY like it when he's a teen...well, not having a bunch of teen boys in my house, but knowing where mine is and what he's doing. I'm really wondering why they've picked our house. Our house isn't that big, so we don't have a dedicated playroom like some neighbors do...they are in the livingroom with me doing their playing and talking.
They all tell me that I'm "meaner" than most, because I interrupt unkind behavior and lecture them about it and tattle to their parents...and expect them to clean up after themselves, so don't ask me why they like it here so much . I don't feed them unless I've invited them for a meal!
I also wonder why their parents don't look for them sooner!
My parents had this with all 3 of us....luckily in the previous house we had a basement so could be out of sight and mind, but my mom had a similar attitude to you regarding meals. In the current house its a bit more challenging especially as my sisters friends use our house as a base for nights out because it is the closest to downtown, which means they stomp up the stairs in high heels at 3AM. Many words have been had about this, and they have improved on the noise front. It just sucks for me when I'm home because my room is right next to hers and my parents are down the hall. Then again, she is the youngest & technically I'm lucky to still have my own space in my parents house so I don't gripe too much about it.
"Choose to chance the rapids, and dare to dance the tides" - Garth Brooks
"With your permission, dear, I'll take my fences one at a time" - Maggie Smith, Downton Abbey
Canaqua, I would guess that they actually like the structure that you provide. There may be one (or more) of the boys who gets out of hand in some situations, and when they're at your house it doesn't happen. Maybe they will eventually be able to tell the kid to knock it off themselves, but they probably aren't able to do that yet.
My house was the "emergency" house. If kids started showing up, I knew that one of them was having an emergency and needed an adult to help them find a way to deal with it. It ranged from eating disorders, suicide threats/blackmail, sexual abuse, parental neglect and lots of more minor stuff. Sometimes I just needed to give them suggestions on ways to cope or work a situation out, but sometimes it meant picking up the phone right then to deal with an acute threat. I have a daughter, so they are inclined to much more drama and talking.
While sometimes it was hard to find the energy to deal with someone else's kid's problems, I was happy that they felt comfortable telling me what was going on and asking for help. Word apparently got around school, and some kids who weren't even friends of my daughter would come talk to me when I was there for my weekly volunteer time in the book store. The fact that they want to be there is actually a vote of confidence in you. I was a "mean Mom" too. No alcohol, no sex, no catty behavior, and I reserved the right to enter the room bearing food or drink any time I wanted . I would have liked a turn at being the "Fun Mom", but that wasn't my lot in life, I guess.
Not me, but my parents house was the 'hang out house' for my brother's friends. It sucked. A lot. Their were always anywhere from 5-25 high school boys. And they were everywhere, all the time. Front yard skate boarding, tv room watching skateboard/ski movies, backyard on the trampoline, basement playing video games, kitchen eating and upstairs in his room (usually smoking). As a very shy, very nerdy 14-16 year old girl, it was horrible. I couldn't go anywhere in the house because they were always around being loud, stupid, rambunctious teenage boys. It was really hard on our high anxiety dog too, he usually just cowered in a corner growling all day.
So it's all well and good if he's the only kid at home, but if you have other kids living at home, try to kick all the boys out to another house a couple of days a week. I know I would have appreciated it if my mom did that, or at least kept them in one area of the house.
Originally Posted by pinecone
I can't decide if I should saddle up the drama llama, dust off the clue bat, or get out my soapbox.
We have 3 (now grown kids) and a great sledding hill. One winter...I think it was '94 ....we had a winter storm predicted and about a dozen kids showed up...along with the storm. They were here for a week and we all had a great time. I made a LOT of home made pizza!
Also had one girl, friend of my older daughter, show up often for a few days at a time "No one fights here"
My younger daughter was into computers and she and her friends would come over and play games on the half dozen or so we had around 2000 or so. Some years later one of the new tech support reps where I worked asked "Did you have a bunch of computers and dachshunds?"
Penmerryl's Sophie RIDSH
"I ain't as good as I once was but I'm as good once as I ever was"
The ignore list is my friend. It takes 2 to argue.
Loved having the hang out house. I really miss those years. My most favorite story is about one of my son's friends who was getting ready to apply to colleges. When I asked him where he was going he said the local university because...
"My parents want me to apply to Northwestern, but hey, I don't know what they're thinkin, you know? You have to be Chinese and play the violin and crap to get in there!"
I'm assuming your home dinner hour is 7:30 pm and they're staying until the family sits down to eat? My mom cleared the place out for family dinner hour each and every day. House, property, didn't matter, everyone had to leave. Friends were welcome to return afterwards providing it was not a school night or homework was finished. But, except in special circumstances (school projects, etc) everyone had to go home once the street lights came on. Rules of the house. My parents wanted family time and space. Perhaps you could find a way to set a few more limits and reclaim some of yours. Certain days, by certain times, everyone but your family vamooses!
"The difference between genius and stupidity is that genius has its limits." Albert Einstein