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  1. #1
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    Dec. 13, 2010
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    On The Farm In New England
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    Default My children are mortified by me!

    Any other horsey mothers that are an embarrassment to their children? My children go to a cute little Catholic school where the mothers definitely seem to be of the mindset of the higher the hair & heels, the closer to God. I show up in jeans or breeches, a bit if sweat & slobber, and usually a little left over helmet hair. My kids are horrified. Now, I'm being asked to wait in the car, at the furthest corner. Girls are 9 & 10. Is this just the age, as it takes them a 1/2 hr. in the bathroom to leave the house. I was never much that way. Is this just an age thing or have I raised shallow, looks obsessed children!?!



  2. #2
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    Feb. 20, 2010
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    All 'round Canadia
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    Probably age and wanting to fit in, and harmless.

    I would make sure they're not being made fun of because of their mom's appearance though, that could be more serious. But most likely, just wanting to be like everyone else (and this extends to the parents being like other parents). The cookie-cutter stage is part of normal development



  3. #3
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    Jun. 7, 2006
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    8,551

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Leprechaun View Post
    Now, I'm being asked to wait in the car, at the furthest corner. Girls are 9 & 10. Is this just the age, as it takes them a 1/2 hr. in the bathroom to leave the house. I was never much that way. Is this just an age thing or have I raised shallow, looks obsessed children!?!
    I would not let them treat you like this.

    This is a perfect time to teach them to stand up and act right, regardless of what other people might think. And not to treat people like they are "less than" because of what other people might think. And that you especially don't treat your family poorly just because you can and they have to love you anyway.

    I would go right into asking them, "Would you make fun of another student if they dressed this way? Would you treat another student poorly who dressed this way? Have you made fun of anyone for what they were wearing today?"

    This will help them learn not to be bullies.

    The emphasis on preventing bullying alluded to in another post as dealing mainly with asking whether kids are bullIED is misplaced, I think. Kids need to learn to stand up and treat people right even if it is easier to fit in by making fun of others.



  4. #4
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    Jul. 9, 2007
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    Cincinnati, Ohio
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    379

    Default

    Been there! My daughter went to a catholic high school school in Cincinnati and the neighbors knew when I was attending an event at the school by the way I was dressed. BTW, she's now in her 20's, married and lives in NYC and thinks it's cool that her mother is still riding and jumping.



  5. #5
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    Apr. 18, 2010
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    Default

    I would not let them tell you to drop them off a half block away. That is very sad, and sets the stage for them disrespecting you and becoming spoiled as well as conformists at school...is that why you had kids? To see them turn out that way? Tell them to be proud of their mom and grateful for what they have in life. Show them a documentary about all the girls in Afghanastan who risk their lives just to attend school.

    Stories like this are upsetting and not at all "cute"...., sorry to say.



  6. #6
    Join Date
    Dec. 18, 2006
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    NY
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    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Countrywood View Post
    I would not let them tell you to drop them off a half block away. That is very sad, and sets the stage for them disrespecting you and becoming spoiled as well as conformists at school...is that why you had kids? To see them turn out that way? Tell them to be proud of their mom and grateful for what they have in life. Show them a documentary about all the girls in Afghanastan who risk their lives just to attend school.

    Stories like this are upsetting and not at all "cute"...., sorry to say.
    Ha, I was thinking the exact same thing....time for a "unit study" in educational systems in other countries.

    Hmm...first of all, my kids requesting that I park anywhere other than where *I* want to park is entirely unacceptable and I would tell them as much. I might actually start waiting in the school on purpose.

    And yes, since you said it.....9 & 10 is pretty young to take 30 minutes in the bathroom to perfect their "look" for school (if that's what they are doing). I know other kids their age are probably doing the same....although my almost 10 year old only spends 30 minutes looking into the mirror when she is lip sync-ing.....my 13 year old dd might like to put in a half hour in front of the bathroom mirror, but I usually kick her out saying "if you want that much time to admire yourself, you will need to get up earlier and get it in before we all need the bathroom."

    I'd definitely be thinking about ways to encourage "girl power" instead of "girl pretty"......



  7. #7
    Join Date
    Jul. 24, 2008
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    2,957

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Leprechaun View Post
    Any other horsey mothers that are an embarrassment to their children? My children go to a cute little Catholic school where the mothers definitely seem to be of the mindset of the higher the hair & heels, the closer to God. I show up in jeans or breeches, a bit if sweat & slobber, and usually a little left over helmet hair. My kids are horrified. Now, I'm being asked to wait in the car, at the furthest corner. Girls are 9 & 10. Is this just the age, as it takes them a 1/2 hr. in the bathroom to leave the house. I was never much that way. Is this just an age thing or have I raised shallow, looks obsessed children!?!
    If you're just picking them up and you are staying in the car, I would say you should just park where ever you want. If you need to be out of the car picking them up, I would say you should really consider whether you are dressed appropriately for doing so. How you present yourself *does* reflect on them, the same as how they present themselves reflects on you.

    Do they want you to stay in the car at the furthest corner, because you're coming to get them dirty and sweaty, or just because you're "Mom"?



  8. #8
    Join Date
    Jun. 1, 2001
    Location
    Rosco, GA
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    1,899

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Countrywood View Post
    I would not let them tell you to drop them off a half block away. That is very sad, and sets the stage for them disrespecting you and becoming spoiled as well as conformists at school...is that why you had kids? To see them turn out that way? Tell them to be proud of their mom and grateful for what they have in life. Show them a documentary about all the girls in Afghanastan who risk their lives just to attend school.

    Stories like this are upsetting and not at all "cute"...., sorry to say.
    Totally agree. Be a parent. Use this to teach them to have something called *character*. Of course little tweens are going to act superficial, but that's when you step in and correct. The lesson might not sink in for a few years, but you better get in there and stop that nonsense.



  9. #9
    Join Date
    Dec. 31, 2007
    Location
    Ocala
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    332

    Default I got revenge!

    My older teenage daughter asked me to drop her off at the very back of the parent drop-off line and then to just drive away and pretend "you don't know me."

    I complied and dropped her off and then continued in the line until I got up to the pavilion where she and all her friends were standing. I stopped the car, got out (in my pajamas) and ran up to her saying, "Oh, Sweetie, you forgot to give Mommy a hug and kiss goodby." She just stood there with her mouth hanging open and beet red-faced.

    She learned real quick it was just better to sit back and let me drive her up to the entrance, give me a quick kiss and exit the car without problems.



  10. #10
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    Dec. 18, 2006
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    NY
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    Quote Originally Posted by saultgirl View Post
    If you need to be out of the car picking them up, I would say you should really consider whether you are dressed appropriately for doing so. How you present yourself *does* reflect on them, the same as how they present themselves reflects on you.
    Yes....to a point. Showing up looking like you mucked 30 stalls...ok, I get that. Showing up "in jeans" or "in breeches" and maybe some "helmet hair"? Kids need to get over that quick.



  11. #11
    Join Date
    Oct. 25, 2007
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    My Dad was in construction. He had his own business.

    We belonged to a country club...yup, businessmen, doctors, lawyers.
    Every night after work, the men would stream into the place, go kiss their wives and kids and then go to the men's locker room to change into bathing attire. (Yes, I am dating myself..this is the early 60's).

    So, I begin to notice my dad comes in with dirt, grime, sawdust and khaki pants and a white t-shirt and well...he doesn't fit the mold, right.

    One day, I say to him.
    "Dad, could you go home first and change at home and then come to the pool, because you are embarrassing me looking like that when all the other kids dad's come in suits". Just writing this I cringe.

    His response, was this. DD, the fact that I work hard for a living and come in my work clothes should not embarrass you. You have everything you want, we have a nice home, and truth be told, we owe no money, and have a good savings. I don't think most of your friends father's could say that.

    Years later, it was proven right, when a business deal my father proposed, none of the doc's, etc could come up with the $$$. He told me, don't ever judge someone by what they do or how they look, because you never know. The only ones who could come up with the money for this business were my dad and another 'blue collar' type.

    I learned a lot about that.
    My parents biggest thing was for all of us kids to feel comfortable in any scenario. MY dad's biggest thing was to talk to the president or the street sweeper and treat them the same.
    It wasn't until after his death, that many members of the community came to me with stories of my dad's brilliant business endeavors.
    My dad, although a carpenter, also highly prized education, and had his doctorate and was a teacher, professor, as well as doing the carpentry.

    My dad was a wicked smart man, and I wish I had half his brains and wisdom.

    So, maybe a sit down with your girls about finding and having a passion as you do with your horses is a gift. Many times people never find their thing in life.

    Sometimes, just a short little comment, not chastizing, etc is an insight they will grow into.
    I know those few words my dad said to me in response to my request to 'clean up', you are embarrassing me, has been a life lesson for me...and I am now almost 60 and still hold value in his words.
    save lives...spay/neuter/geld



  12. #12
    Join Date
    Oct. 12, 2001
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    Center of the Universe
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    6,901

    Default

    If you need to be out of the car picking them up, I would say you should really consider whether you are dressed appropriately for doing so. How you present yourself *does* reflect on them, the same as how they present themselves reflects on you.
    you're joking, right? What kind of clothing is "appropriate" for picking up a young kid from school? filthy sweats seems much more appropriate for such a chore than any other form of attire.



  13. #13
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    Aug. 10, 2008
    Location
    Statesboro, GA
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    928

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by saultgirl View Post
    If you're just picking them up and you are staying in the car, I would say you should just park where ever you want. If you need to be out of the car picking them up, I would say you should really consider whether you are dressed appropriately for doing so. How you present yourself *does* reflect on them, the same as how they present themselves reflects on you.
    No no no. Absurd. If you are not naked, and don't look like Lady Gaga, or a hooker, go for it. And have the talk, about judging a book by its cover and so forth. Don't let your girls become shallow twits.



  14. #14
    Join Date
    Jan. 14, 2003
    Location
    Massachusetts
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    5,733

    Default

    You should make sure to have your riding crop with you so you can give them a whack with it on their way out of the car. Oops. Good thing I don't have kids!



  15. #15
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    Jan. 29, 2008
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    Ottawa,Ontario
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    Default

    Eff the kids! You are who you are and they'd better get used to it.
    "My doctrine is this, that if we see cruelty or wrong that we have the power to stop, and do nothing, we make ourselves sharers in the guilt.”
    ― Anna Sewell



  16. #16
    Join Date
    Nov. 14, 2007
    Location
    Southern California
    Posts
    810

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    I think we can all relate, thinking back to times we were embarrassed by our parents. And for those of us who ARE parents, we can certainly relate. On the first day of junior high for my younger son, our car was in the shop, and I had to drive him to school in our motorhome. He was mortified and wanted me to drop him off around the corner. "All the kids will think I'm homeless," he said. I told him that well, we're not, and aren't we lucky that we can afford an RV. I know it's hard on kids sometimes, wanting to fit in, but I hoped that he would feel strong enough to believe in himself.



  17. #17
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    Oct. 3, 2007
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    PA
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    5,019

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    Quote Originally Posted by sketcher View Post
    You should make sure to have your riding crop with you so you can give them a whack with it on their way out of the car. Oops. Good thing I don't have kids!
    I used to be an aid in the Catholic Religious Prep classes that my girls attended. More than once, I was running late and ended up going in my breeches. The kids all thought it was cool and made the boys think twice when I threatened to get the lunge whip out of the car if they didn't stop fooling around.

    Even my middle child, who does not like horses, would never say a word. When I arrive at one of her events to cheer her on she just looks at me and says "Came right from the barn, huh?" then goes on her way. She also is very good natured about the car. Apologizes to her friends as she shoves the dirty saddle pads and whatnot out of the way and then they all proceed to gabbing away as I play taxi driver and eavesdrop.

    Mine range from 12 to 16 and there is no way I would have let the little devils tell me to wait in the car. Honestly, I would take a second look at your school. We have one of those cute little Catholic schools in our town - the kids in there are vicious and so are the mothers. Best thing that ever happened to my girls was being on the wait list and ending up in the public school rather than the parish school. I swear they were taught more tolerance and kindness there than in the Catholic school. And I am Catholic so I have no axe to grind but things aren't like they used to be in the Catholic schools.



  18. #18
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    Apr. 22, 2011
    Location
    CA
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    Growing up my sister was often embarassed of my mom and wanted to be dropped off far from school. She was always driving some clunker of a van, which apparently was not what the cool kids got dropped off in. Anyway, any time she asked to be dropped off further away, my mom would simply laugh and drop her anywhere she pleased, and would usually have the windows down and be singing along to the radio and saying hello to anyone within earshot. It quickly became apparent that we had no say in where our mother dropped us or how she did it.

    By the time I was old enough to be embarassed, my dad was dropping me off in the mornings 2 blocks away because it was easier for HIM to get to work that way. On those rainy mornings I would have loved to have dropped right in front! After school I was usually walking, so most days I would have loved any old clunker that rolled up to give me a ride.

    Maybe if you start making them walk, they'll appreciate not having their hair messed by the weather.
    If the pony spits venom in your face or produces a loud roar, it is probably not a pony. Find another. -The Oatmeal



  19. #19
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    Aug. 17, 2004
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    Rixeyville, VA
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    My entire purpose on this earth is to mortify my son, at least according to him. I'm cool with it.
    Where Norwegian Fjords Rule
    http://www.ironwood-farm.com



  20. #20
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    Feb. 23, 2008
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    391

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    Quote Originally Posted by ACP View Post
    No no no. Absurd. If you are not naked, and don't look like Lady Gaga, or a hooker, go for it. And have the talk, about judging a book by its cover and so forth. Don't let your girls become shallow twits.
    It might be worth remembering that girls that age can be rather nasty. Go check out that thread on girls bullying girls, its a very real possibility there is more going on here than the girls being shallow twits. That said they might be shallow twits, but be sure its the latter and not the former before you go trying to prove any points.
    Last edited by mew; Oct. 10, 2011 at 12:39 PM. Reason: typo



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