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  1. #1
    Join Date
    Apr. 30, 2002
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    Default Do you have a pig of an SO and what do you do to cope?

    I'm at the end of my patience. He is SUCH a pig! Just wipe your damn feet off before you walk in the house! How hard is that? The kitchen counters....I wipe them twice a day and don't hardly even EAT at home and get home at night after he's made a sandwich...it's just a mess! And I mean food all over, drops, spills, sticky crap not wiped up, dirty knives and forks and spoons just dropped on the counter. Dirt on the floor AGAIN. I don't even want to go to the bedroom on HIS side with the dirty clothes on the floor. I can't take this much longer. Should I plan a big bonfire, as soon as they lift the state outdoor burn restrictions? What do you think, a little gasoline, or lighter fluid?
    "Passion, though a bad regulator, is a powerful spring." -- Emerson
    www.eventhorse.wordpress.com



  2. #2
    Join Date
    Nov. 20, 2005
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    missoula. mt
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    Sounds like you're with Mr. Wrong, to me. I once dated a guy who was a neat freak. The shower walls had to be wiped down after every shower, drops of water on the counter wiped, or he would flip. He became an anal retentive bastard so I dumped him, found a wonderful new guy and married him. We are both slobs. It works perfectly.



  3. #3
    Join Date
    Aug. 20, 2006
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    Pa-eternally laboring in the infinite creative and sustentative work of the universe
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    1,185

    Default

    hahaha...this one is easy !

    get rid of man

    buy new horse

    see? easy!
    remember: life is short!~ too short, enjoy it..
    the new horse will keep you busy enough, you wont miss him, or think of dating for a while.
    IN GOD WE TRUST
    OTTB's ready to show/event/jumpers. Track ponies for perfect trail partners.
    http://www.horseville.com/php/search...=1&ssid=057680



  4. #4
    Join Date
    Jun. 24, 2004
    Location
    South Park
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    3,116

    Default

    Read "Don't shoot the dog."



  5. #5
    Join Date
    Feb. 6, 2003
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    NorthEast
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    Default

    Yelling and fighting on this doesn't help.

    Hire a cleaning person. Give him the bill.
    When it costs them money, they grow up a lot damned faster.
    You're his SO, not his mother and not his maid.

    My SO used to leave stuff all over the house. Not dirt...just his stuff. So I started gathering it up and putting it in a laundry basket. Affter a bit, I hid the laundry basket in the basement.
    When he was running around the house freaking out because he couldn't find his stuff (apparently he thought the cleaning fairy came at night and magically put all his stuff where it belonged so he could find it) I feigned ignorance. "Nope, haven't seen it honey."
    Stuff stays missing for 30-90 days depending. After that time a few things here and there get returned. He learned in a short time that his stuff left out means it disappears.
    Worked on my kids too.

    For filth...I'd either hire a cleaning person and present him the bill or toss him a mop and bucket and tell him I'm not living in a sty and I'm not his mother.
    You jump in the saddle,
    Hold onto the bridle!
    Jump in the line!
    ...Belefonte



  6. #6
    Join Date
    Aug. 7, 2006
    Location
    The not-so-frozen North
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    1,662

    Default

    Uck, mine does the same. He is the best guy in so, so many ways, and I love him dearly, but that he is a slob is certainly more than a little irritating.

    We have a housekeeper come in once a week, but it's not NEARLY enough... *sigh*



  7. #7
    Join Date
    Nov. 9, 2005
    Location
    uk
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    15,268

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by MistyBlue View Post
    Yelling and fighting on this doesn't help.

    Hire a cleaning person. Give him the bill.
    When it costs them money, they grow up a lot damned faster.
    You're his SO, not his mother and not his maid.

    My SO used to leave stuff all over the house. Not dirt...just his stuff. So I started gathering it up and putting it in a laundry basket. Affter a bit, I hid the laundry basket in the basement.
    When he was running around the house freaking out because he couldn't find his stuff (apparently he thought the cleaning fairy came at night and magically put all his stuff where it belonged so he could find it) I feigned ignorance. "Nope, haven't seen it honey."
    Stuff stays missing for 30-90 days depending. After that time a few things here and there get returned. He learned in a short time that his stuff left out means it disappears.
    Worked on my kids too.

    For filth...I'd either hire a cleaning person and present him the bill or toss him a mop and bucket and tell him I'm not living in a sty and I'm not his mother.
    echo did the same thing, lol

    work on as well if you got a new kitchen applaince play dumb haha
    thenthey plumb it in and stuff the washing in or fod in the oven and see if it works haha, with my washing and new iron i plead the dumb blonde lol

    work rather well as then get a complete rest of no house work, works with other things like hoovers haha new electrical thing havent got a clue how to work them so have to be shown the laymens term way hahaha

    dumb i am not but thick is a he to think i havent a clue when hes cleaning the house and i am having a cuppa lol



  8. #8
    Join Date
    Dec. 4, 2005
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    1,246

    Default

    Did you talk to him about this? What does he say? If it bothers you THAT much prob need a different guy.....

    Life is too short to be mad about the counters, but thats just me....



  9. #9
    Join Date
    Aug. 19, 2007
    Posts
    822

    Default

    About 3-4 times a week, I go in the kitchen to find coffee grounds/coffee spill on the counter, the cream out, the used filter on the counter, and a dirty spoon. However, then I remember that he drank the coffee before going up to the barn and feeding *my* horses while I was still asleep, and I clean it up without a word. Oh, and the hay he fed the horses? He was the one who picked it up, unloaded it, and stacked it. Reminding myself of this makes me not resent cleaning up his coffee mess/dirty socks/mess in the sink after he shaves/etc. I have to admit, I do still yell sometimes when he comes in with muddy boots, but nobody's perfect.

    IMO, it's all about choosing who does what and sticking to it. It's okay if he leaves his dirty laundry for me to deal with if I leave my flat tire and oil change for him to deal with...stuff like that. It just has to go both ways.



  10. #10
    Join Date
    Jun. 22, 2007
    Location
    SE CT
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    984

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    My hubby is not neat, either, BUT, the day after we got back from our honeymoon, almost 22 years ago, he got me a horse. He built me a house, a barn, and a farm, complete with trails and a nice outdoor.

    He does not take his boots, or haying clothes off, until nightfall, so in the summer there is neverending hay chaff everywhere...I just sweep it up without complaint. That stuff feeds my horses, and makes $$$ for our kids' college, and pays the bills.

    I do not, however, allow gross, sweaty haying t-shirts thrown around, or left on the counter...my MIL lets my FIL do that! Totally gross!!

    We have had an almost 22 year understanding: I work part time, do the housework, and most of the kid duties, he works full time, with benefits, then does TONS of farm work, really working two full time jobs. It works for us.

    I think everyone has to decide what's best for their own situation, and go from there. I'll take my slobbish good provider over an anal neat freak anytime!!



  11. #11
    Join Date
    Jul. 30, 2005
    Location
    England
    Posts
    10,511

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    Mine's pretty tidy, apart from one thing. He'll pee and water the seat, then leave it. I don't think he realises he'd doing it half of the time. Any ideas how to get him to stop? I've tried talking.
    Horse Show Names Free name website with over 6200 names. Want to add? PM me!



  12. #12
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    Feb. 6, 2003
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    NorthEast
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    Cheerios.
    Keep a cup of cheerios in the bathroom, have him toss one in before he pees and see if he can hit the hole in the cheerio.
    Leaves clean seats.
    At least that's the best way to teach a little boy when potty training.
    You jump in the saddle,
    Hold onto the bridle!
    Jump in the line!
    ...Belefonte



  13. #13
    Join Date
    Jul. 19, 2007
    Location
    Michigan
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    10,323

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by cuatx55 View Post
    Did you talk to him about this? What does he say? If it bothers you THAT much prob need a different guy.....

    Life is too short to be mad about the counters, but thats just me....
    Agreed. If it's THAT big an issue, say something. If it really isn't, just wipe the counters.



  14. #14
    Join Date
    Jan. 20, 2008
    Posts
    625

    Default

    I can't say I am a clean freak, but there are some things that send me. Dishes. A dirty refrigerator. Dust. Dirty floors.

    Now, I hate doing the dishes. So, this was my plot to get him to take this task on given that I was doing them all the time. I stopped doing them all together. Dishes were everywhere. If I needed something, I'd wash it but leave the other stuff. Guess who did the dishes and still does them? Hubby.

    He did try once to get rid of this task. One night he yells, "The dishwasher is broken!!!!" Into the kitchen I run. Suds. EVERYWHERE. He is of course standing there looking at them doing nothing. So, I inspect the dishwasher and find nothing wrong with it. I begin my interrogation asking him what the hell he did to my dishwasher.

    Me: "How many packets of cleaner did you put in there?"
    Him: "The dishes were really dirty."
    Me: "How many?!"
    Him: "Two? They were REALLY dirty."
    Me: :: "You still have to do the dishes."

    This isn't the first time he flooded the house. He once flooded the entire first floor with an inch of water while doing laundry. He was within an inch of his life that night. I came home to the dogs stranded on the sofa, terrified and him running around frantically not knowing what to do.

    So, if you can stand it, let it get bad...Really bad. Maybe your SO will hit a breaking point and do it himself. Then again, maybe not. Good luck.



  15. #15
    Join Date
    Jul. 30, 2005
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    England
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    Quote Originally Posted by MistyBlue View Post
    Cheerios.
    Keep a cup of cheerios in the bathroom, have him toss one in before he pees and see if he can hit the hole in the cheerio.
    Leaves clean seats.
    At least that's the best way to teach a little boy when potty training.
    I tried that... he just brought them out and asked me why I'd left them in there, then got indignant when I explained.

    He just gets so focused on his work/hobbies that little things like using the bathroom, eating and oh, sleeping kinda go by the wayside.
    Horse Show Names Free name website with over 6200 names. Want to add? PM me!



  16. #16
    Join Date
    Mar. 10, 2009
    Posts
    5,379

    Default

    Mine's a slob, and a pack rat. He has, however, gotten somewhat better in the past year or so.
    Two things helped. One is positive reinforcement. Really. Instead of yelling or getting all huffy about the mess, make a huge fuss when he DOES do something. "Honey, thank you SO much for running the dishwasher and then putting everything away after! You know I really hate doing that." Honestly, they love it when you praise them as if they just won the Nobel Prize, even if all they did was put away their socks and underwear.

    As far as the pack rat thing goes, he started watching Hoarders, and I think it scared him! We still have a load of useless crap, but it's stopped accumulating. (As for the rest, I sneak it out and throw it in the dumpster at work. He never misses it).



  17. #17
    Join Date
    Feb. 28, 2006
    Location
    The rocky part of KY
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    9,197

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    Quote Originally Posted by Haalter View Post
    About 3-4 times a week, I go in the kitchen to find coffee grounds/coffee spill on the counter, the cream out, the used filter on the counter, and a dirty spoon. However, then I remember that he drank the coffee before going up to the barn and feeding *my* horses while I was still asleep, and I clean it up without a word. Oh, and the hay he fed the horses? He was the one who picked it up, unloaded it, and stacked it. Reminding myself of this makes me not resent cleaning up his coffee mess/dirty socks/mess in the sink after he shaves/etc. I have to admit, I do still yell sometimes when he comes in with muddy boots, but nobody's perfect.

    IMO, it's all about choosing who does what and sticking to it. It's okay if he leaves his dirty laundry for me to deal with if I leave my flat tire and oil change for him to deal with...stuff like that. It just has to go both ways.
    Yep. Division of labor in our house as well. A great deal of it because I can only get shift work here and feeding at 2AM just seems a bit nutty.
    Courageous Weenie Eventer Wannabe
    Incredible Invisible



  18. #18
    Join Date
    Feb. 6, 2003
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    NorthEast
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    I tried that... he just brought them out and asked me why I'd left them in there, then got indignant when I explained.

    He just gets so focused on his work/hobbies that little things like using the bathroom, eating and oh, sleeping kinda go by the wayside.
    LOL...ummm, maybe a small toy basketball hoop?

    I have no issues being the primary (okay, only) one doing all the domestic stuff. However...I'm not about to exhaust myself if everyone else in the house just thinks I'm a 24/7 clean up crew following behind them either.
    I do all the cooking cleaning, shopping, laundry, etc.
    I also do all the outside work...mowing, weed trimming, pruning, leaf removal, snow removal, repairs, gutter cleaning, tractor/truck/car maintainance, bringing garbage to the transfer station, pot hole filling etc. I also do all equine chores such as fence repairs, hay pick up/unload/stack, any improvements or repairs, feed deliveries, etc.
    Heck I clean the vehicles off on snowy mornings for everyone else *and* start them to warm up.


    So yup, I do insist that the family don't royally mess up the house.
    You jump in the saddle,
    Hold onto the bridle!
    Jump in the line!
    ...Belefonte



  19. #19
    Join Date
    Feb. 14, 2003
    Location
    Windward Farm, Washougal, WA- our work in progress, our money pit, our home!
    Posts
    6,752

    Default

    Mr. CC is a slob, too. Sadly, just leaving him to wallow in his own filth did not work. I've done positive reinforcement coupled with making lists. He loves to cross off items when they're done just like a little kid. We divide labor into things he actually will do, and do well, and I do the things I'm particularly anal about.

    For the OP, I'd ask him why he leaves it a mess. Get him to think about his actions, to hopefully think when he's in the middle of said actions. Not saying it will work, but...

    Mr. CC's mother did absolutely everything in their house when he was a kid. Everything. When I met him, his house nearly sent me screaming, and I'm not that much of a clean freak. We've worked it out after 8 years together, but I still nag him. He says he doesn't mind, but it bothers me.
    Proud member of the "Don't rush to kill wildlife" clique!



  20. #20
    Join Date
    Apr. 29, 2006
    Posts
    3,312

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    I'll never forget the time I came home to a clean house. Praised him out the wazoo. His response? "That was too hard. I am never doing it again". And he didn't. Guess he thought that the house got cleaned by the magical cleaning fairies. That is sure one thing I don't miss about the DxH at all.

    Good luck! If you figure out a way to get him to tidy up after himself, bottle it and you will be a multi-millionaire!



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