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  1. #1
    Join Date
    Aug. 15, 2001
    Location
    Camden, SC
    Posts
    178

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    I was on my way to dinner with my boyfriend and I get a hysterical call from my friend from the barn telling me to go there right away, something had happened to Sebastian. There was a huge thunder storm with lots of close lightening, the horses had been running around and lightening hit a tree close by - Sebastian ran into the fence and broke his left hind in 3 places. I got there and he was standing in the dark, in the pouring rain, with lightening all around, with his leg hanging off, covered in blood and sweat. I went and held him and cried on him in the rain - telling him I didnt want him to die and that it wasnt fair and he was going to be some kids new favorite horse and was going to teach them so much - I wanted to badly for him to be ok, for him to live, but the vet got there and took one look and said there was no possible way for him to survive. She put him down and he just laid there, in the rain, with his head on my lap, giving me sad looks because I know he didnt want to go away - and I layed there in my dress clothes and just cried long after the vet and everyone had left. My poor sweet horse had to spend the night in the middle of his feild in a thunderstrom all night long, with only a fleece cooler over him. This happened 12 hours ago - its just not fair. How can I be driving to dinner at 7:26 and then be holding my dead horse's head in my lap at 8:43. Its just not right, its not fair. I dont know what to do - I work at the barn so I have to go out there, but I dont know if I can. I will drive my the pasture and see the big pile of fresh dirt where they buried him, I will go and feed the pasture horses and he wont be there - I was supposed to have a lesson this morning. I know many of you have gone through this - how did you do it, how did you move on. Its all I can think about, I dont know who to talk to, I feel like there is one person I can call and it will make eveyrthing better but theres not. I am mad at God for doing this to my horse and I am so extremely upset - nothing anyone says of does makes me feel any better. Also, I work at this barn and I am supposed to go out there today and ride my friends horse and possibly feed tonight - I want to go out there but I dont know if I can - I dont want to see where my baby was buried and where he died and suffered and see his blood on the ground. Can someone help me? My mom's out of town and my dad hs never been sensitive about my horses or anything else so he doesnt say to much - just, I dont know, any advice? anything?

    [This message was edited by Lammie on Jul. 31, 2003 at 02:53 PM.]

    [This message was edited by Lammie on Jul. 31, 2003 at 02:53 PM.]



  2. #2
    Join Date
    Aug. 15, 2001
    Location
    Camden, SC
    Posts
    178

    Default

    I was on my way to dinner with my boyfriend and I get a hysterical call from my friend from the barn telling me to go there right away, something had happened to Sebastian. There was a huge thunder storm with lots of close lightening, the horses had been running around and lightening hit a tree close by - Sebastian ran into the fence and broke his left hind in 3 places. I got there and he was standing in the dark, in the pouring rain, with lightening all around, with his leg hanging off, covered in blood and sweat. I went and held him and cried on him in the rain - telling him I didnt want him to die and that it wasnt fair and he was going to be some kids new favorite horse and was going to teach them so much - I wanted to badly for him to be ok, for him to live, but the vet got there and took one look and said there was no possible way for him to survive. She put him down and he just laid there, in the rain, with his head on my lap, giving me sad looks because I know he didnt want to go away - and I layed there in my dress clothes and just cried long after the vet and everyone had left. My poor sweet horse had to spend the night in the middle of his feild in a thunderstrom all night long, with only a fleece cooler over him. This happened 12 hours ago - its just not fair. How can I be driving to dinner at 7:26 and then be holding my dead horse's head in my lap at 8:43. Its just not right, its not fair. I dont know what to do - I work at the barn so I have to go out there, but I dont know if I can. I will drive my the pasture and see the big pile of fresh dirt where they buried him, I will go and feed the pasture horses and he wont be there - I was supposed to have a lesson this morning. I know many of you have gone through this - how did you do it, how did you move on. Its all I can think about, I dont know who to talk to, I feel like there is one person I can call and it will make eveyrthing better but theres not. I am mad at God for doing this to my horse and I am so extremely upset - nothing anyone says of does makes me feel any better. Also, I work at this barn and I am supposed to go out there today and ride my friends horse and possibly feed tonight - I want to go out there but I dont know if I can - I dont want to see where my baby was buried and where he died and suffered and see his blood on the ground. Can someone help me? My mom's out of town and my dad hs never been sensitive about my horses or anything else so he doesnt say to much - just, I dont know, any advice? anything?

    [This message was edited by Lammie on Jul. 31, 2003 at 02:53 PM.]

    [This message was edited by Lammie on Jul. 31, 2003 at 02:53 PM.]



  3. #3
    Join Date
    Jul. 30, 2002
    Location
    NW OH
    Posts
    484

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    My heart goes out to you. I know your pain must be unbearable and I am so sorry for the loss of your horse.

    ((((((((((((HUGS))))))))))))


    "When riding, learn how to stay out of the horses way; seek not to disturb, and never fool yourself into thinking you can improve the horse...he can already do it all, he's just waiting for you to be able to do it, then he'll do it with you..."
    Pat Parelli



  4. #4
    Join Date
    Oct. 24, 2002
    Location
    NW IL
    Posts
    703

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    Lammie,

    I'm so sorry. How terrible for you both. http://chronicleforums.com/images/cu...milies/cry.gif

    There are no easy answers. The only real answer is to let time help you heal. I'm sure it feels like that won't happen, but it will.

    You don't think you can go to the barn today, don't. I'm sure people there will understand. If you feel like you can, take a close friend with you.

    Allow yourself time to grieve. And when you're ready you'll be able to comfort yourself with more pleasant memories of Sebastian.

    I'm sure these words help very little, but please know people care and you're not alone in your pain.

    Take care of you!!



  5. #5
    Join Date
    Sep. 11, 2001
    Location
    Gibsonia, PA, USA
    Posts
    725

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    Oh Lammie, I'm so sorry for your loss. What a terrible thing for you and your wonderful Sebastian to go through. Rest assured that Sebastian is no longer in pain and is warm and comfortable. He's probably met my Cinnabar by now, and they're enjoying the best grass together.

    Unfortunately, feeling better will take some time. You've been through an awful experience, and you just don't get over it in a snap. Your barn friends will be a source of strength to you. Don't be afraid to talk to them.

    Hugs to you sweetie. You can PT me if you want.



  6. #6
    Join Date
    Feb. 23, 2000
    Location
    Ontario, Canada
    Posts
    5,530

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    Oh Lammie, I am so sorry. Unfortunately, nothing anyone says or does will take away the pain. The rawness of it will pass with time but for now, allow yourself to grieve. I'm just so terribly sorry. I wish there was more I could say or do but time is the best healer for you. Take care. http://chronicleforums.com/images/cu...milies/cry.gif

    "If you are going through hell, keep going." ~Churchill~
    \"If you are going through hell, keep going.\" ~Churchill~



  7. #7
    Join Date
    Oct. 20, 1999
    Location
    Virginia
    Posts
    14,656

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    So sorry for you. Our beloved horses are so very fragile for all of their incredible strength.

    I am glad you were there for Sebastian.

    Friendship is Love without his wings
    -Lord Byron
    "If you would have only one day to live, you should spend at least half of it in the saddle."



  8. #8
    Join Date
    Jul. 6, 2000
    Posts
    986

    Default

    Oh gawd,
    How awful. I am soooo sorry for your loss.

    mizzwade
    mizzwade



  9. #9
    Join Date
    Dec. 7, 2001
    Location
    Cullowhere?, NC
    Posts
    8,588

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    What an awful experience. I am so sorry.

    I'm sure the barn management will find a way to cover for you if you feel you can't go out there, but do let them know. On the other hand, given that your mother is out of town and you don't feel much support at home, being with other horse people who understand what you're going through might help. I'm sure someone else can take care of the pasture horses to save you having to go out there.

    I know this is very hard. Please know we are thinking of you.

    ___________
    He's not really a pony, and I'm really not "pony aged" either.
    "One person's cowboy is another person's blooming idiot" -- katarine

    Spay and neuter. Please.



  10. #10
    Join Date
    Dec. 2, 2002
    Location
    Michigan
    Posts
    53

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    I am very sorry, you have my deepest sympathy. I don't have any words to make the pain go away. You have suffered an huge loss and it happened very suddenly. It will take time to process your grief. Do what you need to do to take care of yourself. If you do not want to go to the barn today don't feel pressured.

    Sebastian was very fortunate to have a mom who loved him and cradled him as he died. You were very brave to stay with him until the end.



  11. #11
    Join Date
    May. 29, 2002
    Location
    Aiken, SC
    Posts
    1,527

    Default

    I'm so sorry for you. I don't think anyone would expect you to go out to the barn so quickly. Keep friends and family around you now, they will help you through this.

    I'm sure Willem had the Welcome Wagon at full throttle for Sebastian when he arrived. http://chronicleforums.com/images/cu...s/sadsmile.gif



  12. #12
    Join Date
    Jun. 28, 1999
    Location
    Kentucky
    Posts
    893

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    You poor thing!! http://chronicleforums.com/groupee_c...icon_frown.gif

    I am so, so sorry. What a horrible thing to go through. I know it must have been tough for you to see him like that and for that to be your last memory of him. But take comfort in the fact that he did not go alone--what a blessing for him to have you there until the end.

    No one's going to be able to say or really do anything that's going to make it all better, although it does help to have their support. It's just going to take time to heal. Take care of yourself during this time-- do what you feel right about doing. If something is really going to bother you, don't do it. But if you feel that getting over a certain challenge could help you heal, give it a shot. Follow your heart and just take things one step at a time. God understands your pain and anger, and He is still there for you through this.

    ***
    The hardest to learn was the least complicated.
    ***
    The hardest to learn was the least complicated.



  13. #13
    Join Date
    Sep. 30, 2001
    Location
    Down the road from HITS-Ocala
    Posts
    3,274

    Default

    Oh, Lammie...so, so sorry for your loss. I can feel your pain in your post. I am crying with you. http://chronicleforums.com/images/cu...milies/cry.gif http://chronicleforums.com/groupee_c...icon_frown.gif
    You loved your horse, and you were there when he needed you most.
    Try to think of the good things, what you loved most about him.....I know it's hard.

    Have you called your mom??? Your horse friends will understand your pain....as will everyone here.
    As is our confidence, so is our capacity. ~W. Hazlitt

    Visit our website: Gift Hill Farm and on Facebook



  14. #14
    Join Date
    Mar. 3, 2003
    Location
    MI, USA
    Posts
    128

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    I'm so sorry. I just lost my beloved gelding four weeks ago today (nearly to the minute) and its a horrible experience. It will get better over time and eventually you will be able to think of him and smile instead of crying. I'm not to that point yet myself, but know I'll get there someday. Best wishes.



  15. #15
    Join Date
    Jan. 4, 2000
    Posts
    24,408

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    that is the most terrible thing i have ever heard.

    you cry good and hard, hon, and you get mad. that's natural and you are entitled to do that.

    stay home today and even tomorrow. but pretty soon there is another horse out there with your name on it, and that horse will need you. you'll know when it is time to start again.

    we never get any guarantees in life from God. bad things can happen. our job is to survive these things and go forward. and you will. it just takes time.



  16. #16
    Join Date
    Apr. 15, 2003
    Location
    Northeast MA
    Posts
    4,028

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    Oh, Lammie. Our hearts go out to you. The grief, bewilderment and sense of unfairness are all a reflection fo the love you still have for Sebastian. He was lucky to be yours, and he was lucky to have you with him at the end.

    The mental picture I have of you with him in your lap in the rain makes me tear up, and I think of the song from Les Miserables "a little rain won't hurt me now...".

    Rest assured that Sebastian was probably in shock, and was only aware of your comforting presence, not pain. You were there for him, and that is the best gift anyone can give their horse.
    They don't call me frugal for nothing.
    Proud and achy member of the Eventing Grannies clique.



  17. #17
    Join Date
    Oct. 15, 2001
    Location
    Chelmsford, MA, USA
    Posts
    1,986



  18. #18
    Join Date
    Oct. 21, 1999
    Location
    Rochester, NY
    Posts
    12,243

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    I am so sorry lammie, for your loss. What a horrible thing to happen. You were brave to stay with Sebastian and see him to the Rainbow Bridge.

    Now you take care of you. I'm sure the people at the barn will understand, whatever you do. Call your Mom, if you can, I know she would want you to.

    I can't improve on the words that the others have said. Just know that we all are here, to listen and to let you know we do care.

    ---------------------------
    "This it be die most importante thing in die world, that someone they loff us."
    Willem
    Originally Posted by Alagirl
    We just love to shame poor people...when in reality, we are all just peasants.



  19. #19
    Join Date
    Mar. 14, 2000
    Location
    WA. The Evergreen State Where The Horses Are Forever Green
    Posts
    17,256

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    Lammie I'm so sorry for your loss. http://chronicleforums.com/groupee_c...icon_frown.gif

    "Proud Member Of The I Love Dublin, Starman Babies, Mini Horse, Sunnieflax and Horse Boxes Cliques"



  20. #20
    Join Date
    Jul. 23, 2001
    Location
    Sunny downtown Barnet ,VT
    Posts
    731

    Default

    Lammie, I am so sorry for you. I lost a horse very suddenly once also. The only thing I can say is what helped me - time. I did not walk away from horses, I groomed for others, etc. I let the grief process happen and when the time was right for me, and the horse was right, I owned another horse. Please take care of yourself. I am so sorry for your loss.

    Vermont - where winter riders are real riders.
    Vermont - where winter riders are real riders.



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