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Jitterbug

July 15, 2016

Jitterbug’s Textbook For Cross-Country Schooling

For most of my training career with this Human, I have pretty much run our cross-country courses solo. How else can you look at it, when she has yet to keep from fainting somewhere between the start box and finish flags?

At long last however, I’ve begun convincing her to keep her eyes open as I step gingerly over the 2” by 4”s and half-decayed straw bales we typically encounter in the starter division, and we’re beginning to school over new types of questions.

Questions that are actually, you know, questions.

June 10, 2016

Jitterbug's Guide To Starting Your Human In The Saddle

After many years of working with the same Human, I recently decided to expand my horizons by taking on a few beginner students. It gives me the chance to rest my over-worked bucking muscles and recalibrate my brain cells.

I find that working with children is considerably more rewarding than working with adults—they are both easier please than adults and easier to scare into submission when necessary. 

December 22, 2015

Jitterbug’s 2015 Letter To Santa

Dear Santa Hoss, 

By now, you know me well enough to realize that I am one of the best-behaved creatures on your list every year. Really, my capacity as a Trainer of Humans makes me a sort of Deputy Santa, I suppose.

That is why, for another year, I am not writing to correct the libel my Human will have tattled to you regarding The Incident Of The Minor Concussion or The Time I Sneezed On Her Good Breeches.

November 25, 2015

Jitterbug's Guide To Being Thankful

I was recently weeding through my Facebook feed and noticed that several of the Humans I follow have been posting Instagram photos with extensive captions (which could really use editing) with the #30daysofthanks hashtag.

After consulting with my social media manager, I learned that this is an exercise Humans use to publicly convince themselves that their tiny little lives are full of meaning.

September 11, 2015

Jitterbug's Guide To Being Photographed By Your Human

If you are a trainer of Humans in this day and age, you’ve probably noticed that they are unusually obsessed with their Dumb Phones, and equally obsessed with taking photos of everything from their alarming makeup jobs to their fattening brunches/gravyfests.

Unfortunately for Quadrupeds, this probably means they fancy themselves photographers, and that they will almost certainly try to capture our likeness in pixels. Consider this a teaching experience that will not only make the biped a better photographer, but a better Human.

May 7, 2015

Jitterbug’s Guide To A Happy Marriage

The day my Human bounded into the barn aisle with a glittery thing on her left hand (which turned out not to be a peppermint fragment, as it happened…oops) probably delivered the largest surprise of my week. I will never quite understand how I managed her through that relationship successfully, yet still can’t get her to boost my hay ration to a first-world level.

April 10, 2015

Jitterbug’s Mud Classification System

No matter what the groundhog says, warmer temperatures and springtime rains find their way to my pasture eventually. (Actually, I really resent groundhogs and their sense of superiority. I tend to chase them out of my field. Arrogance is so ugly.)

With spring rain comes one of my favorite features of the outdoors: mud.

Humans despise mud, but as with many things, I think they just fail to completely grasp the concept.

March 6, 2015

Jitterbug's Winter Management of Your Human

As a draft cross, I am likely the only horse in my barn who doesn’t mind a few single-digit days now and then (although I’d be much more in the winter spirit if my Human could figure out how to ration hay better—it’s THIRTEEN flakes in my field please, not THREE). I gather however, that my Human doesn’t feel the same way about it.

December 18, 2014

Jitterbug's 2014 Letter To Santa

Dear Santa Hoss, 

By now you are used to hearing from me each year, upon the advice of my legal counsel, just before you make your final "naughty and nice" list.

Judging by my feed bucket on Christmas morning, I think we have come to an understanding about how angelic I really am. However, I thought it my obligation as her trainer to write to you this year with suggested edits to my Human’s Christmas wish list.

November 20, 2014

Gymnastic And Your Human

Gymnastics are an excellent way to help your Human expand her jumping skill set. Or, in some cases, just endeavor to create one.

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