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Columnist Jody Lynne Werner

December 22, 2016

You Might Be Able To Dress Us Up, But Can You Take Us Out?

It’s officially “the holidays”—a time when people expect each other to clean up, go out, and socialize. That can make it a tough time of year for horse owners, as those three things are difficult for us to accomplish individually, let alone all on the same day.

After a day that begins at 5:30 a.m. and includes barn chores, working, barn chores, and riding followed by more barn chores, all we want to do is go home and stay there. Because of that, horse people can come of as being anti—or at least non—social. But really, we’re not unfriendly. We’re just tired.

December 2, 2016

The Judge's Card: The Original Emojis

Have you ever looked at the judge’s scorecard after the horse show?

It’s filled with little symbols, notations and abbreviations that describe the action with a form of visual shorthand (yes, the first emojis!).

Wouldn’t you love to know what all of them (or even some of them) mean? Wonder no more. Here’s a handy key to get you started ;-)

December 1, 2016

Throwback Thursday: The Blanket Clause

This hilarious, ever-popular piece by humor columnist Jody Lynne Werner originally ran on Dec. 1, 2014 on www.coth.com. Since it's certainly apropos again this Dec. 1, we decided to post it again!

November 17, 2016

Poo-Pourri

Last week at the barn, my friend Lindsey and I were chatting as we groomed our horses in the crossties. Our voices were businesslike and earnest; the tone one adopts when deliberating on something of the utmost importance.

We were well into the conversation before it struck me that two mature, educated, adult women had spent the last 15 minutes keenly discussing horse poop.

Horse. Poop.

September 29, 2016

And They're Off!

Anyone who has spent a lifetime around horses and horse shows has some great stories to tell. Many of them involve odd circumstances under which they competed. 

Like the year I went to the American Royal in Kansas City. It was a multi-discipline show with a huge number of entries (my number was 1210 if that tells you anything) and a small number of arenas.

September 5, 2016

Lost In Translation

It took me a lot of years to figure out that the main reason a relationship with a horsey girl is challenging is because you, our non-horsey significant others, don’t understand us.

July 8, 2016

Legends Of The Summer

This time of year, my thoughts often drift back to the days when I was a kid at summer camp. It was one of the best experiences of my life—a camp devoted to horseback riding where young girls immersed themselves in everything equine for eight solid weeks.

The names and faces of my fellow campers have faded over time. But the horses—those I remember. The memories of the four-legged legends that shaped my summers are as enduring as those hot, humid July and August afternoons.

May 13, 2016

Spring Ahead, Fall Off

Let me establish one thing right away: I don’t fall off. It has nothing to do with my riding skills. I don’t fall off because falling off hurts, and I have an aversion to pain.

I don’t remember the last time I fell off. Literally. I don’t remember it because I hit my head and four hours of short-term memory blew out of my brain faster than my medal course plan at the in-gate.   

April 15, 2016

Just Stopping By The Barn

5:17 p.m. - Text from HorseGal1101: On way home. Just have to stop at barn & check on horses real quick

5:18 p.m. - Text from ImyourGuy: How long will U B?

5:18:30 p.m. -  Text from HorseGal1101: Not long. Call U on way home. (happy face emoji)

5:19 p.m. - Text From ImYourGuy: K. I’ll start dinner (spoon/fork/knife emoji)

5:20 p.m. - Twitter: HorseGal1101 has logged on

5:20:15 p.m. - Tweet from HorseGal1101:  Going to the barn to see my best girls! #happyplace #Ilovemares #whyiwork

February 26, 2016

A Public Service Announcement

And now, a public service announcement:

Competing in equestrian sports is inherently dangerous. In the challenging and sometimes frenzied environment of a busy horse show, there are a hundred ways to get hurt. 

I’m here to talk about one of them.

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