MONDAY:
All horses: day off.
TUESDAY:
Danny: OH MAN. I feel AWESOME. I am the MAN. And therefore, I will be NAUGHTY! I will stop and refuse to go and I will spook and I will fling my fancy self into your right leg no matter how hard you push! I will show you what a big, tough dude I am! I will refuse to stand at the mounting block. I will not let you tighten the girth. I will leap around and play and refuse to go straight and spook some more, for I am Danny Ocean, King of the Bad Dutch Ponies, and I will teach YOU to try and tell me what to do!
For five minutes. Then I’ll be reasonably good.
Johnny: Good MORNING!!!!! I am so happy to see you! I am so happy that it is sunny! Or cloudy! Or raining! Or sleeting! Whatever it is doing, whatever you are wearing, it does not matter—it is GREAT! I love it! I love you! I love dressage! I love this indoor!
Hey, something shiny over there!
Oh, dressage! I know dressage! I am AWESOME at dressage!… Oh wait, dressage is the one where I put my head down and go forward, right? I’m actually not that awesome at that.
Hey, something shiny over there!
Dorian: I really, really want to make you happy, but today is Tuesday, and I have two options for you: flat-and-running, or teensy-weensy-collected. There is no in-between.
Fender: So… these hind legs of which you speak. I can’t seem to find them.
Fiero: I would be delighted to do whatever you ask, because like Mary Poppins, I am Practically Perfect In Every Way.
WEDNESDAY:
Danny: I’m dead.
Johnny: Good MORNING AGAIN!!!! I am MUCH looser today! I am still not loose by any stretch of the imagination, but I can bend now! And you don’t have to beg me to put my head down! And maybe I can go sideways now!
Hey, something shiny over there!
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Dorian: I’ve located my third speed, so now I have big-sprawling-on-my-forehand, hopping-up-and-down-collected, and really beautiful on my hind legs but still covering ground… for about four seconds before falling apart. It’s cool, though, because I’m super cheerful about it all, and I’ll give you an awesome feeling before it all goes south, so have faith that, as time goes on, this will become my default.
Fender: Oh, THOSE hind legs. We’re cool.
Fiero: I would be delighted to do whatever you ask, because like Aloe Blacc, I am The Man.
THURSDAY:
Danny: Ah! I feel much better after my light day yesterday. I shall celebrate by Demonstrating My Awesomeness in as colorful a fashion as possible, namely spooking, leaping, stopping and refusing to go, and being unable to canter a 20-meter circle to the right without inserting flying changes for no particular reason.
Johnny: I’m only 5, so I get Thursdays off to sleep loudly. Isn’t that GREAT?!
Dorian: I’m a really good boy, so sometimes I get to hack on Thursdays, if it’s not raining. I am completely impervious to spooking outside, unless there’s a perfectly immobile Kubota ATV parked on the other end of the property, in which case I will not be able to concentrate on anything else.
Fender: Can I be The Man too?
Fiero: No, get your own theme song. Meanwhile, I shall continue to be a genius who cheerfully goes about doing everything asked of me.
FRIDAY:
Danny: I’m dead. Again.
Johnny: OH MY GOSH YOU’RE GOING TO RIDE ME AGAIN?! This is AMAZING! I can’t believe how amazing it is! I shall rejoice by being just about as stiff, strong and distracted as I was on Tuesday, which will make you wonder if it was really worth it, giving me Thursday off, but you’ll do it all again next week anyway! Isn’t that great?!
Oh look, something shiny over there!
Dorian: I’m going to be pretty great today, but will work on the same things that we worked on yesterday, the day before, two weeks before, and two months before, all with pretty much the same skill level, because that’s just the way training young horses goes. One day, with no warning, I will be Completely Competent, and it will drive you bananas because you won’t know what you did to make it all work on That Day that you weren’t doing the day before.
Fender: Valegro who?
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Fiero: I would be delighted to do whatever you ask, because like Britney Spears, I am stronger than yesterday.
SATURDAY:
Danny: Good morning! In spite of my day of rest yesterday, I’m still pretty tired. But other than a few predictably-uncoordinated moments, I’m going to be good enough to remind you why you went into debt up to your eyeballs to buy me.
Johnny: While I’m still 5 and a big strong doofus, I’m going to let you into my body and let you influence me today, and remind you of why you love me so much, too.
Dorian: Sounds like a plan! I’m in.
Fender: …well, we can’t all be good at the same time, so I’m going to be so great that I’m going to earn a walk in the field, only then to spook at everything and scare you to bits by leaping around on my barely-healed leg.
Fiero: I would never do such a thing, and will continue to be my wonderful, perfect self.
SUNDAY:
Danny: Trail ride day. Thank GOD. Of course, I’m not nearly so tired that I can’t spook at things like trees, dragonflies and dirt.
Johnny: HACKING!! I LOVE HACKING!! Ohmygod, hacking is my favorite thing, except for my other favorite things: eating, drinking, pooping, looking out the window, getting on the trailer, getting off the trailer, getting my face brushed, having my feet picked, breathing oxygen…
Dorian: I like hacking too. Just keep that Kubota away from me.
Fender: Sigh. Back in indoor arena detention. But I hear I might get cleared to canter this week, so maybe the end is nigh!
Fiero: Oh thank GOD it’s hacking day! If I had to carry your demanding butt around one more day I was just going to LOSE IT! Let’s go to the pond so I can splash around and completely ignore you!
