In honor of the start of the Rolex Kentucky Three-Day Event, we decided it was high time we reprinted this classic advice column on how to dress for the horse inspection. It originally ran in the Feb. 21, 2008, issue of the Chronicle. Without further ado: An eventer’s guide to dressing for success (and avoiding fashion faux pas) at the jogs.
As the frigid days of winter recede and spring inches her way into existence, the thoughts of eventers across the country collectively turn once again to one thing: fashion.
OK, perhaps not.
The majority of horsemen and women are admittedly not clotheshorses, and that’s undoubtedly part of this sport’s highly touted down-to-earth charm. But as we head toward the spring three-day events, it may be time for many riders to re-assess their wardrobe selections for horse inspections.
Presenting your horse to the ground jury at a three-day event should be a point of pride for every rider. Whether they’re being presented at a one-star or a four-star, most of our horses are consistently buffed to perfection at jogs across the country, and that’s a fact of which the eventing community can be proud. Unfortunately, however, the same can seldom be said for the majority of our riders.
Uniting Form And Function
When in doubt as to your clothing choices, play it safe. If you’re unsure of the best color palette for your wardrobe, consider brown and green your defaults, as they are best suited to hide dirt and slobber, respectively. Use your own judgment on which type of stain is typically more of a problem for you.
Pastels are welcome, particularly in spring, but a bit more high maintenance. And wearing white to your horse inspection is a metaphor for the sport of eventing itself: Many aspire, but few succeed.
Well-tailored pantsuits in dark colors for women always exude professionalism, so long as they aren’t masculine. Throw in some classy jewelry, a ruffled under shirt or a silk scarf to add a feminine touch.
Skirts are tricky, but not necessarily out of bounds. When assessing your collection, live by the “knee to tea” mantra. Anything longer than tea length, and you won’t be able to run; anything shorter than the knee, and, well, you get the picture… And so will every one of the 500 spectators lined up to watch you.
This is not to say that skirts should be avoided altogether. On the contrary, everyone enjoys a modest sashay now and then. Just make sure to opt for youthful whimsy or business casual over seductive siren. If it has a slit, leave it.
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Though it seems like common sense, not everyone in the eventing community has gotten the memo: Do not wear jeans. Nothing says, “I want to make a mockery of my sport” like denim. We’re trying to foster the image of a professional sport and increase the fan base, not cause them to recoil in disgust. In view of that, don’t even think about T-shirts, loud prints or exposed cleavage.
It’s important to remember during the horse inspections that, although you may not be earning a score, you are most certainly still being judged. Therefore, have a word with your pony beforehand. Remind him that despite his aspirations to the contrary, he is in fact an event horse, not a Standardbred, and should therefore not attempt to trample you as he races down the line at a 25-mph trot. Establishing an understanding of this sort with your mount will also allow you to select proper footgear for the jogs.
Accessorize For The Prize
A weakness for fancy footwear is something many females struggle with, and equestriennes are not exempt from this temptation. For while we do order new shoes for our four-legged friends every four to six weeks, those purchases are considerably less thrilling than, say, a new pair of Manolos (though the cost is unfortunately equivalent).
Experts disagree on the definition of proper footwear for horse inspections. While everyone appreciates a fine turn of foot, and a certain amount of awe is achieved when that foot is attached to a 3-inch heel, stilettos are a disaster waiting to happen. A wider, chunkier heel will add height but will also afford greater stability in motion. However, it’ll also transport the wearer back to style of the mid-1990s, so tread that line carefully.
Consider kitten heels or ballet flats, which are both fashion savvy and functional. But for heaven’s sakes, don’t opt for your comfy old clogs—they’re ghastly ugly and just as likely to twist your ankle as those platforms the Spice Girls wear. Save them for mucking your stall as they were intended.
The bottom line is that, just as with your dressage movements and gymnastics, practice makes perfect. Stage your own trot-up at home to see what works. There is nothing more embarrassing than traipsing around like a dilettante in front of the pros—particularly if you are a pro.
Footwear for men is much less varied and therefore much less controversial. Boots or dress shoes of almost any kind are acceptable, so long as they don’t draw unnecessary attention.
In the way of headgear, proceed with caution, for the line between appealing and appalling is finer than your Nunn Finer boots.
Do not, under any circumstances, wear a baseball cap. Dump your hair in a water bucket, shove it under a hunt cap or shave your head bald before donning a baseball hat. That is, unless you’re trying to confirm the rumors that you’re wildly hung over from last night’s party. In which case, proceed with the dirty, sweat-lined cap, by all means.
If you enjoy having your caput covered, there are still several respectable options. Newsboy caps are trendy and understated, and headbands are a functional way for women to add a splash of color to their wardrobe.
Gentlemen, if your provenance dictates it, feel free to sport a crowd-pleasing cowboy hat. But by all means, wield that Stetson with care. Combined with a matching set of boots and a healthy swagger, your appearance could be potentially swoon-inducing for many spectators, so don’t complain when some by-standing admirer faints and spooks your horse.
Finally riders, we beg of you: be mindful of your choice in undergarmentry. While the rest of society may wear whatever safari-print unmentionables they please, being a rider means making responsible choices, and this is certainly one of the most vital.
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Whether you choose the safe and conservative route or opt for a touch of trendiness in your jog attire, at the very least remember that clean equals classy. We can’t all be models, but a little effort goes a long way, and it’s worth it to avoid embarrassing your equine athlete as you accompany him down his catwalk.
You may live in a barn, but you don’t have to look it.
Clothes Minded: What Your Jog Outfit Says About You
Head-to-toe Grey/Tan/Khaki: I have no problem galloping around a four-star cross-country course draped in every color in the rainbow, but out of the saddle, I have the personality of a wet sock.
Browns/Greens: I’m resigned to the fact that my horse does not understand the concept of personal space and regards me as his own personal dinner napkin.
White linen: I like to live dangerously.
Sunglasses and baseball hat: My [insert personally appropriate adjective here] cross-country ride yesterday led to severe inebriation at last night’s competitors’ party.
Stilettos: I will go to any length (or height) to ensure that if anyone in this partnership is going to go lame, it’s not going to be my horse.
Breeches and boots: I have too many horses and I was supposed to be in the novice arena 5 minutes ago.
Orange: I am either Sharon White, or I’m Dutch.
Dirty, wrinkled pants: I didn’t actually think we’d make it to the second jog, so I only brought one outfit.
Mini skirt and/or prominently displayed décolletage: It’s possible that the degree of my horse’s soundness is somewhat debatable.
