It’s been a year since I’ve used the names of horses who’ve been in our Late News recently to have some fun on a fantasy, so let’s go:

Aragorn was overcome by a feeling of Dejavualloveragain when Archie Bunker stopped by Fenway Park to visit him on a Chilly spring day. You see, Archie Bunker was going through a mid-life crisis, for the second time, and he knew he couldn’t be Happy As A Clam until he’d crossed the country to see Neverland and Queen Wannabee. Aragorn just sighed, because The Sixth Sense with which he was cursed told him that Archie Bunker and his sidekick, the ironically named Big Bad Ed, wouldn’t leave until he agreed to the Journey.

But he’d need help to shepherd the pair across the country. He thought of Rainman, but he was preoccupied by his Play Station. And Clouseau would probably get stuck in a Boston Traffic Jam. No, he’d need Buzz Lightyear, the intergalactic crime fighter, and then they could stop by Princeton on their way west to pick up Galileo, who’d been a professor of astronomy there for the last 200 years. Aragorn was sure those two would be “My Security Blanket” en route to Neverland, even if he didn’t think the experience would be quite as Sublime as Archie Bunker thought.

Aragorn had to Blink the next morning when Archie Bunker arrived. “What, don’t you like My Top Hat And Tales?” growled the curmudgeon.

“I didn’t think we were going to Dance All Night!” responded Aragorn, reminding himself to “Focus.”

But the three adventurers climbed into the Bentley and set off for the Winter Castle to pick up Buzz Lightyear, as St. Patrick wished them, “Bon Voyage.”

They cruised along beneath the Blue Sky of West Virginia until Aragorn informed his companions, “Houston We Have A Problem.” The Cruise Control was malfunctioning, meaning Aragorn had lost the Alchemy he enjoyed with his Priceless vehicle. But they pulled into a rest stop so Aragorn could pick up a case of Sweet Tea to Remedy the situation, and they were off again. In Illinois they spent the night with Honest Abe, who told them they were suffering from some kind of Blind Faith and suggested a more suitable destination would be River City.

Unperturbed, they set off the next morning, Aragorn more determined than ever to Close The Deal. They spent that night in a Colorado cave with Paddy The Pooh, who was still suffering from the Winter Blues since he’d forgotten to flip his calendar past the Ides Of March. Grumpily, he told them they’d have to Prove It if they reached Neverland. Aragorn wondered what else could possibly endanger this Honeymoon.

It was late the next day when the weary travelers crested a ridge to catch their first view of their destination. Neverland was protected by High Cotton, with a Smurf, who clearly considered himself a Little Big Man, guarding the gate. He told them they couldn’t enter unless they’d brought with them a Special Devise, but he offered no hint at what that was. Flummoxed, our heroes sat down to try some Wishful Thinking, and then, miraculously, The Good Witch appeared. “All you need,” she told them, “is a corkscrew to open the Merlot.”

“But where can we find such an item?” asked Galileo.

“Oh, just Tickle Me, and you can have this one,” she laughed.

It was, indeed, the key to a Slumber Party they’d never forget. “No It Tissant,” muttered Aragorn as he set off, heading Due North this time.